Making an effort

Thank you!!!

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 19:30:20 GMT

Whoever it was that sent me the anonymous gift, thank you so much!!!!

Please, tell me who you are so I can thank you properly (if you want)

Bleach fic Español: En Las Brasas

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 23:53:56 GMT

Titulo: En Las Brasas
Autor: aviss
Pareja: Renji/Ichigo, Grimmjow/Ichigo, Grimmjow/Ichigo/Renji
Clasificacion: NC-17
Genero: Romance, angst
Advertencias: Trio, violencia, infidelidad.
Resumen: Con Renji la cosas eran simples, Grimmjow era en si mismo una complicación.
Word Count: ~4.500
Author Notes: Traduccion del fic: Into The Fire que le prometi a juanita_star despues de amenazarla si no entregaba su AI. Como ha sido buena y ha entregado antes de tiempo, y lo prometido es deuda... aqui lo tienes. que lo disfrutes.

En las brasas

- !Oi, Ichigo!

Ichigo levantó la vista del libro que estaba leyendo al escuchar la voz de Renji, parpadeando rápidamente para aclarar su cabeza. Había estado a punto de quedarse dormido de puro aburrimiento. Mates, ¿Quién demonios necesitaba aprender mates para ser un Shinigami? Si Isshin no hubiese insistido tanto que mientras estuviese vivo necesitaba ir a la universidad, Ichigo hubiese preferido entrenar para otra cosa.

- He recibido un mensaje de La Sociedad de Almas, tengo que irme un par de días, - dijo Renji, su rostro la viva imagen de la decepción. Ichigo frunció el ceño. Él también estaba decepcionado; tenían planes para el fin de semana.
- ¿No puedes mandarles a la mierda? - preguntó sabiendo perfectamente que la respuesta iba a ser no.

Renji arqueó una ceja tatuada. - Tú prueba a decirle a Kuchiki-taichou que se vaya a la mierda porque se suponía que tenia que pasar el finde con mi novio, - cerro la distancia entre ellos de dos cortos pasos y agarró la cabeza de Ichigo, besándole profundamente. - Incluso llorare en tu funeral, - dijo cuando se separaron, diciendo adiós con la mano mientras cruzaba la puerta.

Ichigo se quedó mirando al espacio vacío donde había estado Renji, su airada expresión convirtiéndose en una de preocupación. Había diversas razones por las que Ichigo quería estar cerca de Renji, y no de las menos importantes era que cuando su novio estaba alrededor era más fácil resistir el impulso de ir a buscar… cosas que no debería estar buscando. Llevaba una semana luchando contra ello, solo venciendo por puro autocontrol y la presencia tranquilizadora de Renji.

Pero ahora que Renji no estaba y no volvería durante un tiempo… sacudiendo la cabeza, Ichigo volvió su atención al libro.

Tenia cosas que hacer, incluso sin Renji estaría bien.

…

Ichigo tardó menos de un día en encontrarse frente a la tienda de Urahara.

Se quedó ahí parado, simplemente mirando a la puerta y tratando de convencerse de que no necesitaba entrar. No había funcionado las veces anteriores y estaba seguro que no funcionaria tampoco esta.

Ichigo apretó los puños y contó hasta diez animando a su cuerpo a moverse, a marcharse allí. Sabía que la gente de la tienda eran conscientes de su presencia: era imposible no serlo con su nivel de reiatsu y las habilidades de Urahara. No le importaba mucho. Estaba seguro que Urahara lo sabía; tenia que saberlo y la forma en que siempre miraba a Ichigo con algo parecido a la lástima cuando este se iba, cojeando y sangrando, era prueba más que suficiente.

Inspirando profundamente, Ichigo avanzó.

Fue Ururu quien abrió la puerta. Se apartó después de saludarle. - Esta abajo, - dijo antes de que Ichigo tuviese la oportunidad de decir nada. Desapareció inmediatamente para continuar con otras obligaciones, dejando a Ichigo a solas en la puerta principal.

Bajó lentamente al sótano de Urahara.

- Has tardado bastante esta vez, Shinigami.

Un escalofrío de excitación recorrió la espalda de Ichigo al escuchar esa voz, su cuerpo reaccionando antes de que su mente pudiese intervenir.

- Grimmjow, - dijo, girándose hacia la voz.

Si solo escucharle había excitado a Ichigo, eso no era nada comparado con lo que sintió al ver al Espada.

Había algo en Grimmjow que Ichigo encontraba extrañamente atractivo, no importaba lo mucho que luchase contra su retorcido deseo. En el momento que puso la vista en su delgada y firme forma el cuerpo de Ichigo reaccionó, un deseo sobrecogedor tomando control de sus sentidos.

- Sabia que vendrías, Shinigami. Sabía que no podrías mantenerte alejado.

Ichigo entrecerró los ojos sintiendo también la usual irritación al tener que tratar con el arrogante cabrón.

- No me llames así, Grimmjow, - espetó, - sabes que lo odio. - Lo cual era probablemente el motivo por el que Grimmjow lo hacia.

La sonrisa de Grimmjow se ensanchó. - Si.

Se quedaron mirándose el uno al otro durante un tiempo, ambos esperando a que el otro hiciese el primer movimiento hasta que el control de Ichigo se quebró. Cerró la distancia entre ambos en dos pasos, sus manos cogiendo el frontal de la chaqueta de Grimmjow y tirando de él.

El momento en que los labios de Grimmjow tocaron los de Ichigo su deseo explotó, su cuerpo rindiéndose a la sensación de labios firmes y un cuerpo aun mas firme presionando contra el suyo. Tuvo un momento para que su conciencia le recordase que tenía un novio atractivo y también muy firme antes de que Grimmjow le devolviese el beso, su astuta lengua pasando entre los labios de Ichigo y devorando su boca, convirtiendo todo pensamiento racional en algo del pasado.

La ropa fue rasgada o descartada sin más dilación, sus labios aún unidos en un violento beso. Se tumbaron aún enredados, cayendo sobre el duro suelo y rodando juntos, ambos tratando de quedar arriba. Grimmjow ganó, como solía hacer cuando se trataba de fuerza bruta, sujetando el cuerpo de Ichigo con el suyo, su boca bajando hasta su cuello para morder triunfante.

Ichigo se arqueó y gimió, todo su cuerpo tenso de deseo y necesidad.

- ¿Qué quieres, Shinigami? - dijo Grimmjow, un ronroneo contra su piel.
- Grimmjow… - Una advertencia.

Riéndose, Grimmjow lamió la abusada piel de su garganta. - ¿Qué quieres, Ichigo? - apretó sus pelvis juntas para mas énfasis, arrancando un gemido de Ichigo.

- ¡Joder! ¡Sabes lo que quiero! - Ichigo rugió antes de coger la cabeza de Grimmjow y besarle de nuevo, invadiendo su boca con su lengua y empujando con sus caderas.

Grimmjow lo sabia; sin mucho esfuerzo le dio la vuelta bruscamente y se situó entre sus muslos abiertos. Dos dedos pasaron entre los labios de Ichigo y este los lamió, empapándolos cuidadosamente sabiendo que era en su propio interés hacerlo. Había aprendido por las malas que un poco de preparación era necesaria.

Grimmjow no perdió mucho tiempo, ensanchando y abriéndole con práctica, sus dedos penetrándole rápidamente. Ichigo apretó los dientes contra la quemazón, sabiendo que pasaría pronto. Lo hizo, Grimmjow reemplazando los dedos con su miembro en el momento que sintió que Ichigo se relajaba.

Dolía, la preparación era solo suficiente para evitar daño físico pero no para aliviar el dolor. Ichigo no lo quería de otro modo, no con Grimmjow. Se movieron frenéticamente, el silencio en la zona de entrenamiento de Urahara puntuado solo por sus gruñidos y gemidos.

- Te gusta así, ¿verdad Ichigo? - Grimmjow gimió contra su oído, embistiendo dentro de él con fuerza. - Odias que te guste, pero la verdad es que lo hace.
- ¡Cállate Grimmjow! - dijo, su aliento saliendo en cortas exhalaciones. Grimmjow simplemente se rió e inclinó las caderas, golpeando su próstata y haciéndole maldecir, todo su cuerpo tensándose de anticipación.

Una mano rodeo sus caderas, agarrando su miembro y acariciándole al ritmo de los embates mientras una boca se cerraba sobre su nuca e Ichigo se estremeció, corriéndose con fuerza. Grimmjow continúo follándole, mordiendo con saña hasta que él también se estaba corriendo dentro de Ichigo.

- Admítelo de una vez, Ichigo, - dijo Grimmjow retirándose, su voz extrañamente seria. - Tu novio el Shinigami no puede satisfacerte. No así.

Se levantó en un instante, el placentero dolor de su cuerpo convirtiéndose en culpa y furia mientras se volvía a mirar a Grimmjow, su sangre hirviendo, sus ojos ardiendo. - ¡Cierra la puta boca, Grimmjow! ¡No sabes nada! - espetó antes de coger su ropa y usar shunpo para salir de ahí.

…

Ichigo no sabia como o cuando comenzó.

Salvar a Grimmjow después de la Guerra había sido natural: Grimmjow le había salvado el culo, aunque solo fuese para poder ser quien se lo patease, pero lo importante era que lo había hecho. Además también fue quien abrió la Garganta para que finalmente pudiesen enfrentarse a Aizen.

Después de eso Grimmjow ya no podía volver a Hueco Mundo y La Sociedad de Almas jamás aceptaría a un Espada entre ellos. Así que había permanecido en la Tierra, escondido y pasando el tiempo bajo el sótano de Urahara. Buscando a Ichigo y dándole la brasa cuando quería pelea.

Al principio había sido solo el deseo de luchar contra él; deseo que avergonzaba a Ichigo casi tanto como sus peleas le excitaban.

Grimmjow era como una droga, y una oscura parte de él que normalmente tenia atada disfrutaba de su tiempo juntos, de la cruda violencia que Grimmjow representaba.

El sexo vino después.

Solo alguien tan empanado como Ichigo podría tardar tanto en reconocer la lujuria que controlaba sus sentidos mientras luchaba contra el psicótico Espada, pero en el momento en que se dio cuenta, ya no pudo pensar en nada más. Era mortificante. Eran, como mucho, enemigos en tregua e Ichigo no podía pensar en ningún motivo para que esa clase de relación existiese.

Pero no tenía autocontrol cuando se trababa de Grimmjow, y había caído. Caído en el placer y el dolor, caído en la locura que les definía juntos.

Renji llego después, y con él todo lo que Ichigo siempre había querido de una relación: confianza, amistad y risas. Con Renji las cosas eran simples; Grimmjow era en sí mismo una complicación.

Una a la que Ichigo había sido incapaz de renunciar completamente.

Y ahora… ahora estaba tan confuso que ya no sabia lo que estaba bien o mal.

…

- Has estado con él.

Ichigo contempló la silenciosa figura de Renji esperándole en el apartamento. Había regresado directamente desde la tienda de Urahara, satisfecho de que por una vez la gente no pudiese ver su forma espiritual mientras cojeaba, su ropa torcida y su cara sucia.

No había esperando que Renji regresase tan pronto.

Ichigo apartó la vista, su rostro ardiendo.

- Conseguí convencer a Rukia de que me ayudase a hablar con Kuchiki-taichou para que me dejase irme antes, - dijo Renji, su voz sin inflexión alguna. - Quería sorprenderte para que pudiésemos pasar al menos el domingo juntos.

Renji se levantó y le miró, su ceño frunciéndose de preocupación y algo mas, algo que Ichigo no había visto dirigido hacia él en mucho tiempo. Furia.

- Fui yo quien se sorprendió al no encontrarte en casa, así que seguí tu reiatsu, directo hasta la tienda de Urahara.

Renji avanzó hasta él, cogiéndole de la pechera y tirando, obligando a Ichigo a mirarle. Ichigo hizo un gesto de dolor cuando su cabeza se inclinó hacia atrás.

- ¿Qué cojones te pasa? ¿Crees que no sé lo que sucede entre tú y ese puto Espada? - Renji le soltó, sus manos moviéndose hasta su pelo y tirando de unos mechones sueltos. - ¿No tienes nada que decir?

Ichigo sacudió la cabeza sin abrir la boca. No había nada que pudiese decir.

- Solo peleamos, dijiste. Grimmjow puede luchar conmigo cuando uso todo mi poder así que lucho con él, - Renji le lanzo una mirada furiosa. - Debes pensar que somos estúpidos o ciegos. Ninguna pelea te dejaría cojeando de esa manera, y ninguna pelea te dejaría marcas como la que tienes en el cuello.

Su mano se movió por iniciativa propia a su nuca, tocando el punto dolorido ahí. Grimmjow le había marcado, el muy cabrón. - Yo… - finalmente consiguió decir bajando la vista de nuevo. - Yo tampoco se que coño estoy haciendo, - Ichigo admitió.

- Pero aún así lo haces, - Renji dijo suavemente e Ichigo asintió, sabiendo que no tenia excusa.

Renji tomó aliento, visiblemente tomando fuerzas como si lo que iba decir le estuviese costando un gran esfuerzo.

- Dime algo, Ichigo. ¿Le quieres?

Ichigo cerró los ojos con fuerza, luchando contra las nauseas que esas simples palabras provocaron. Sacudió la cabeza.

- ¿Le quieres? - Renji insistió.
- ¡No! Quizás. Yo… no lo se, - admitió finalmente.

Renji asintió, la respuesta aparentemente confirmando algo que ya sospechaba.

- ¿Qué hay de mi, me quieres?
- Si. - Esta vez no hubo titubeo.

Renji asintió de nuevo. - Necesito tiempo para pensar, Ichigo, - dijo moviéndose hasta la puerta. - Mantente alejado de esa puta amenaza durante un tiempo, hablaremos de esto en breve.

…

Su relación con Renji era lo único que Ichigo nunca había esperado.

Se había acostumbrado a la idea de que nada saldría de su fijación con Renji, y no le importaba. Renji era, después de todo, bastante mas mayor que Ichigo… un par de siglos. Eso por si solo no seria un problema, el hecho de que Renji se hubiese pasado la mayor parte de esos dos siglos enamorado de Rukia si.

Como el triangulo amoroso del cliché, Rukia había superado su obsesión con Kaien solo para enamorarse de Ichigo, preparando la escena para el evento que hundió sus vidas en el caos y que estuvo a punto de costarles su amistad.

Afortunadamente todos estaban muy acostumbrados a no conseguir nunca aquello que más deseaban, así que después de unas semanas difíciles decidieron que la amistad era la parte más importante y continuaron con sus vidas.

Casualidades del destino, Rukia fue la primera en superarlo, su floreciente relación con Hisagi Shuuhei finalmente liberando el corazón de Renji de su propio amor no correspondido.

Renji comenzó a pasar mas tiempo en el Mundo de los Vivos con Ichigo y sus amigos, y las cosas progresaron naturalmente desde ahí. Todo sucedió tan lentamente que para cuando Ichigo se dio cuenta que realmente estaban juntos Renji pasaba todo su tiempo libre en su apartamento.

Fue entonces cuando decidió que no necesitaba ver a Grimmjow más.

Y casi lo había conseguido… casi.

…

Ichigo notó la alteración unos minutes antes de que llamasen a su puerta.

La abrió, esperando que fuese Renji de vuelta para partirle la cara, en su lugar solo estaba Urahara mirándole con una expresión extrañamente seria.

- No quiero meterme en sus asuntos, Kurosaki-kun, - dijo.
- Será la primera vez, - murmuró Ichigo ganándose una afilada mirada de Urahara.
- En sus asuntos privados, entonces. Pero creo que necesita venir a la tienda antes de que sus amigos la destruyan por completo, - continuó Urahara, - o me veré obligado a intervenir.

Desapareció antes de que Ichigo pudiese pensar en una respuesta, dejándole ahí pasmado hasta que el significado de las palabras se registró en su cerebro finalmente. Ichigo dejó su cuerpo y su apartamento en tiempo record, usando shunpo todo el camino hasta la tienda de Urahara.

Esta vez no se molestó ni en llamar, entrando y bajando directamente al sótano.

La escena que le esperaba ahí era su peor pesadilla hecha realidad.

Grimmjow tenía a Renji contra una roca, su mano extendida en lo que Ichigo reconocía claramente como su postura para disparar un cero. Renji estaba en modo Bankai, Hihio Zabimaru enroscado alrededor de los dos.

Ichigo se cambió inmediatamente, conjurando su mascara y dejándose caer entre ellos, su espada contra el cuello de Grimmjow.

- Suelta a Renji ahora mismo, - dijo, su voz resonando huecamente. Podía sentir a Renji estremeciéndose a su espalda: no había visto a Ichigo así desde hacia mucho tiempo.
- Es él quien nos tiene atrapados, Shinigami, - Grimmjow repuso calmadamente.
- Renji, guarda tu espada, - Ichigo ordenó sin mirar hacia atrás.

Nada sucedió durante un minuto, después Hihio Zabimaru despareció para ser reemplazado por su shikai en manos de Renji. Grimmjow se les quedó mirando, una sonrisa sarcástica formándose en sus labios antes de que cerrase los puños y los dejase caer a su lado.

Ichigo suspiro aliviado dejando que su mascara se rompiese.

- ¿Qué cojones estáis haciendo? - gritó cuando pensó que podría hablar sin estrangularles.
- Pelear, Shinigami, ¿no es evidente? - Grimmjow respondió con su habitual arrogancia. Ichigo le miró furioso.
- No me llames así Grimmjow. Sabes que lo odio, - dijo sin pensar. Avanzó apartando a Grimmjow de su camino y se volvió a mirarles. Renji tenía mala pinta, como Ichigo sabría que sucedería después de luchar contra un Espada, aunque Grimmjow también se había llevado una buena paliza. Ambos estaban sangrando por varios cortes y sus ropas estaban rasgadas en diversos sitios. - ¿Explícame que demonios estabas pensando que ibas a conseguir peleando con este puto psicópata? - preguntó a Renji, ignorando a Grimmjow por el momento.

Renji le fulminó con la mirada, presionando sus labios juntos hasta que se pusieron blancos.

- A ti. - Fue Grimmjow quien le contestó.

Exactamente como Ichigo había temido. Suspiró, dejándose caer al suelo y sentándose con las piernas cruzadas. - Lo siento Renji, - dijo, - nunca quise herirte con esto; es simplemente que no puedo controlarme cuando se trata de este cabrón. Pero no es culpa de Grimmjow, lo sabes.

Renji asintió, deslizándose hasta el suelo sin mirar a Ichigo. - ¿Por qué?

- No lo se.
- ¿Por qué él?
- Porque, Shinigami, - Grimmjow se agachó frente a Renji, - yo puedo hacer lo que tú no haces.

Renji le miró furioso, su mano moviéndose rápidamente y golpeando a Grimmjow en plena cara, la fuerza del puñetazo haciéndole perder el equilibrio. Grimmjow se rió, no molestándose en levantarse de nuevo.

- Y tú sabes que es verdad, - dijo con toda la arrogancia que le caracterizaba.
- Cierra el pico, Grimmjow, - espetó Ichigo, - esto no te incumbe. - Pero sabía que eso no era cierto.
- Si lo hace, Ichigo, - Grimmjow dijo después de unos segundos, su rostro y voz sin expresión alguna.

Ichigo parpadeó sorprendido y le miró fijamente, viéndole por primera vez. ¡Joder! pensó. Había estado tan ciego, tan estúpidamente ciego todo el tiempo. Grimmjow se había quedado escondido en el sótano de Urahara incluso después que la Guerra y la limpieza de Hueco Mundo terminasen; podía haberse ido, no había nada para él en Karakura.

Pero se había quedado. Incluso para una bestia sanguinaria como él quedarse solo por alguna pelea ocasional contra Ichigo era pedir demasiado.

Ichigo cerró los ojos, maldiciéndose por idiota. Había liado una buena.

- ¿Y ahora que va a suceder? - preguntó a nadie en particular.
- Tú, Ichigo, - Grimmjow dijo en el mismo extraño tono, su calma poniendo a Ichigo tan nervioso como su habitual chulería le irritaba, - necesitas tomar unas decisión, o lo haremos nosotros por ti.

Ichigo sacudió la cabeza, - ¿Peleando? ¿Es así como lo resuelves todo, Grimmjow?

Grimmjow se encogió e hombros. - Funciona, ¿no?

- No, no funciona, - Renji intervino levantándose y avanzando hacia Ichigo. - Tú no eliges y nosotros no compartimos. Tenemos un problema aquí, Ichigo, por si no te has dado cuenta, y ninguno de los dos estamos dispuestos a hacernos a un lado o esperar a que te decidas. Así que si, peleamos porque es lo que hacemos. Puede que no resuelva las cosas, pero partirle la cara a este mierdecilla me hace sentir mejor.

Grimmjow se rió ante eso. - Puede que tu novio el Shinigami tenga cosas buenas también.

- ¡Cállate Grimmjow! - dijeron a la vez.

Grimmjow lo hizo, mirándoles con una expresión pensativa mientras el silencio se asentaba entre ellos. - Podemos intentarlo, - dijo finalmente.

- ¿Intentar el que? - Ichigo preguntó temiendo que ya conocía la respuesta, su cuerpo de acuerdo con ello si el escalofrío de excitación que le recorrió era alguna indicación.
- Compartir; aquí, ahora.

Renji miró a Grimmjow como si hubiese perdido la cabeza, y luego se volvió hacia Ichigo, sus cejas trepando por su frente ante lo que vio en su cara. - Te gusta la idea, - dijo sacudiendo la cabeza. - Debes estar tan loco como él.

- Renji…
- No.

Renji se giró para marcharse pero fue detenido por Grimmjow quien, rápido como una serpiente, le quito el zanpakutou y lo tiró a un lado, empujando a Renji contra una roca y sujetándole ahí con su cuerpo. Ichigo se quedo mirando paralizado mientras Grimmjow tomaba los labios de Renji en un brusco beso, todo su cuerpo sosteniendo al de Renji, quien no dejaba de luchar. Ichigo se levantó, corriendo a su lado sin tener muy claro si era para unirse o para separarles. No llegó a hacer nada; de un empujón Renji se separó de Grimmjow, limpiándose la boca con el dorso de la mano.

- ¿Qué coño te crees que haces, Espada? - gritó.
- Te ha gustado.
- ¡Y una mierda!
- Te ha gustado, - Grimmjow insistió mirando significativamente a la entrepierna de Renji. Ichigo miró y sonrió, acercándose lentamente a Renji.
- Ya sigo yo, Grimmjow. - Antes de que Renji pudiese moverse Ichigo estaba frente a él, sus manos sosteniendo la cabeza de Renji y su boca descendiendo. - Si realmente no quieres, Renji, nos iremos y no volveremos, - dijo antes de cerrar el espacio ente ambos y besarle. Renji le empujó de los hombros por un instante antes de rodearle el cuello con los brazos y devolverle el beso, rindiéndose con un suspiro.
- Solo por esta vez, - Renji dijo apartándose; miró mas allá de Ichigo directamente a Grimmjow. - Lo probaremos esta vez, luego tendrá que elegir.
- A mi me va bien, Shinigami.
- No me llames así, Grimmjow. Lo…
- Lo odias, lo se. Igual que él.

Renji miró a Ichigo, una sonrisa en sus labios por primera vez. - ¿Es siempre así de irritante?

Ichigo se rió. - No, es peor, - dijo, su voz perdiéndose en un gemido cuando los dientes de Grimmjow se cerraron sobre su cuello. - Pero tiene sus puntos buenos.

Renji parecía querer agregar algo pero se lo pensó mejor, presionando sus labios nuevamente contra los de Ichigo y mapeando su boca con su lengua. Ichigo se relajó, apretado entre los dos y disfrutando de la atención. Sus manos comenzaron a pasear por el cuerpo de Renji, quitándole la ropa para tener acceso a la piel mientas que sus propias ropas eran quitadas de su cuerpo.

Grimmjow dio un paso atrás, mirándoles mientras se besaban y desvestían. Agarró la cintura de Ichigo y le separó de Renji, girando su cuerpo antes de poseer su boca con la brusquedad habitual, sus cuerpos pegados uno contra el otro. Ichigo no pudo evitar comparar la exigente pero suave forma en que Renji le besaba con la violenta dominación de Grimmjow, su lengua poseyendo cada centímetro de la boca y cuerpo de Ichigo.

- ¿Te gusta brusco entonces, Ichigo? - la voz de Renji dijo a sus espaldas.
- Con él, si, - repuso Ichigo cuando se separaron para respirar.
- Vale, - Renji dio un paso adelante y presionó su cuerpo contra la espalda de Ichigo, hincando sus dientes en su cuello. - Deberías haberlo dicho antes. - Mordió con fuerza e Ichigo se estremeció, su excitación creciendo ante la ferocidad en la voz de Renji.

Era demasiado, lo que nunca se había atrevido a pedir de Renji y las caricias de Grimmjow haciendo imposible cualquier clase de pensamiento coherente. Ichigo dejo de intentarlo, rindiéndose a las sensaciones y dejando que jugasen con su cuerpo. Grimmjow agarró un puñado del cabello de Renji y levantó su cabeza de un tirón, inclinándose y tomando su boca en un beso sobre el hombro de Ichigo, ambos presionando dolorosamente contra él.

- Tiene sus puntos buenos, si, - dijo Renji sin aliento cuando se separaron.

Acabaron en el suelo, su dura superficie arañando el costado de Ichigo mientras Renji maniobraba hasta que Ichigo estaba tumbado sobre él, sus miembros restregándose mientras Grimmjow le preparaba, su peso haciendo la fricción casi insoportable. Ichigo gruñó cuando la boca de Renji se cerró alrededor de un pezón, sus manos tratando de agarrarse al suelo, su cuerpo tenso de anticipación.

- Joder, quiero… - murmuró, casi incoherente cuando sintió el miembro de Grimmjow presionando contra su entrada. Grimmjow le penetró lentamente, una poco característica gentileza en claro contraste con los violentos besos de Renji y sus bruscos movimientos. Se movió lentamente, cada embate perfectamente controlado e inclinado, aplastándole contra Renji y volviendo a Ichigo completamente loco. - Maldita sea Grimmjow, fóllame como haces siempre, - espetó finalmente, temiendo que siguieran así para siempre. Necesitaba correrse.

Grimmjow se rió, cogiendo su pelo y tirando hacia atrás de su cabeza para besar su boca. Renji presionó sus labios contra la expuesta garganta de Ichigo, sosteniéndole cuando Grimmjow comenzó a embestir contra su cuerpo más rápidamente, la presión y los golpes contra su próstata haciéndole temblar de deseo.

Se corrió contra el miembro de Renji, la fricción y dos pares de manos y bocas en su cuerpo demasiado para soportar. Renji le sostuvo mientras Grimmjow seguía follándole, su miembro despertando de nuevo con renovado interés. Grimmjow se corrió dentro de él con un embate final, retirándose inmediatamente. Renji estaba aún excitado debajo de él, e Ichigo se movió hasta sentarse a horcajadas y se empaló en su miembro, cabalgándole furiosamente.

- Es un espectáculo muy excitante, - dijo Grimmjow, tumbándose junto a Renji y besándole. Ichigo les miró, incapaz de apartar su mirada mientras Grimmjow devoraba la boca de su amante, la imagen demasiado excitante para soportarlo. Sintió como Renji se tensaba y se corría dentro de él, su propio orgasmo repentino y feroz.

Ichigo se dejó caer sobre Renji, besándole cansadamente.

- Ha sido fantástico, - dijo, una sonrisa de satisfacción en sus labios.
- Si, pero no te acostumbres, Ichigo, - dijo Renji, su voz rasposa. - Esto no volverá a suceder, aun necesitas decidir.

Ichigo lo sabía, pero ahora mismo solo quería disfrutar del momento.

…

Renji dijo las mismas palabras la siguiente vez que sucedió, y las que vinieron detrás. Ichigo sabia que le habían dado una tregua; Renji y Grimmjow le estaban consintiendo pero la situación no podía durar. Tal y como estaban las cosas ya necesitaba mas energía de la que merecía la pena solo evitar que se diesen de hostias cuando no estaban follando.

Hubiese encontrado las similitudes con su antigua relación con Grimmjow divertidas si no estuviese tan preocupado de que realmente se matasen entre ellos.

El único problema era que Ichigo no estaba preparado para decidir y se preguntaba si alguna vez lo estaría.

Pasar más tiempo con Grimmjow había tenido el efecto contrario de lo que Renji esperaba, y ahora que el Espada prácticamente vivía con ellos, Ichigo descubrió que le gustaban mas cosas de él que la lujuria animal que inspiraba en Ichigo. Aun era terriblemente irritante, pero eso era parte de cómo era Grimmjow.

Estaba pensando en todo esto cuando regresó a casa de clase, tratando de encontrar una solución al problema que él mismo había causado. Se quedo mirando, sorprendido, en el momento que abrió la puerta, su boca abierta ante la imagen que le recibió. Renji estaba tirado en el sofá, sus ojos cerrados y su respiración trabajosa, su pelo suelto estaba esparcido como un halo alrededor de su cabeza. La cabeza de Grimmjow estaba entre sus piernas abiertas, su boca claramente ocupada en ese momento.

- ¡Mierda, Grimmjow, fóllame de una vez! - Gritó Renji, su voz tapando el sonido de la puerta al cerrarse.

Ichigo sonrió, quitándose la ropa para unirse a ellos.

Quizás por una vez en su vida había tenido suerte y conseguiría lo que quería.

Parecía que elegir ya no era un problema.

…

Naruto Fic: A Private Celebration

Sun, 29 Nov 2009 14:52:56 GMT

Title: A Private Celebration
Author: aviss
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka
Rating: NC-17
Genre: humour, smut
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Kishimoto, I just use them for my own amusement.
Word Count: ~3.100
Summary: It was more than just a festival. It was a celebration and a declaration all at once. Konoha was telling the world they were at peace, and they were unafraid.
Author Notes: I've wanted to write a bit of yukata kink for some time, so here it is. Proof that I suck at light hearted PWP, I can't help but give it a serious background.

A Private Celebration

"I don't like this."

Iruka stuck his head out of the bathroom and looked at Kakashi, resisting the urge to roll his eyes. Just barely.

"You look good," he said, going back in and immersing himself in the task of righting his clothes and pulling his hair up again.

"No. You look good, I look ridiculous," Kakashi insisted sounding like a whiny ten years old brat. It was funny because Iruka knew Kakashi had never been a ten years old brat, he had been a stiff and irritating old man in the body of a ten years old boy when he was that age. The fact that the older he got the brattier he became was funny. And annoying. And slightly disturbing. "I don't understand why we--"

"Kakashi," Iruka said twisting his hair tie one last time and securing his ponytail before leaving the bathroom. "We've been wearing mourning clothes for the past week; and before that we've been wearing our uniforms, and the blood of our friends and enemies, for the past two years. We deserve a day out of being soldiers, and this festival is the perfect occasion."

Kakashi looked at him and pouted. He shouldn't have bothered, it had never worked with Iruka. "I could wear my new robes--"

No way.

Iruka crossed his arms and glared at him. "I'm not going to the festival with the Hokage."

"But--"

"And I'm not going with Sharingan Kakashi, so don't even bother to suggest putting on your uniform," he used his best no-nonsense voice. The one which made unruly students and jounin alike square their shoulders and behave like good little boys. Especially the jounin.

"I don't feel comfortable with these clothes," Kakashi said, his voice losing the pout and the whine, sounding more like himself. What Iruka could hear underneath was embarrassment and a hint of fear. "I can't jump or move freely in them, and I can't carry weapons--"

A sigh. He knew the problem was there, whatever Kakashi tried to make him believe. It was difficult to adapt to civilian life after what they had been through, but that was the reason it was so important to do it.

"That's why we're going to wear them."

It was more than just a festival. It was a celebration and a declaration all at once. Konoha was telling the world they were at peace, and they were unafraid.

Kakashi tried another technique. "The other Kages are going to be there, I should dress accordingly to my position."

Iruka snorted. "Kakashi, two weeks ago you were going to reject the position, and I quote: because there is no way I wear that awful robe."

He had the grace to look ashamed, though one needed to have plenty experience reading that damnable arch of his eye to notice. Whatever the attire, Kakashi had not lost his mask.

"Besides," Iruka continued, forestalling any other protest Kakashi might have, "the Mizukage showed me the clothes she's going to be wearing, and I tell you, that's indecent. Also, Gaara said he was going to assist as a friend and as a boy, not as the Kazekage."

"Gaara in a yukata?" Kakashi snorted. "The Mizukage will be all over him. That woman doesn't know when to stop."

"Let her try," Iruka laughed, "Kage or not, Naruto will rip her arm off is she so much as touches Gaara again."

They shared a look and a smile, remembering the scene after the last funeral the day before. It was the first real smile they had on their faces in far too long. With a sigh, Iruka glanced at the clock and startled at what he saw there.

"Let's go, you have to start the festivities and you can't be late!"

He practically dragged Kakashi out of their house, resetting their traps with a practiced flick of his hand and few hand seals. Kakashi did the same, adding his own chakra and pressing both their hands into the door. It was a bit overkill, but anyone trying to enter their house without permission would be faced with a nasty surprise. And a few sharp blades. And explosive tags. And some angry ninken. Not to mention the boiling oil.

Maybe they should reconsider the amount of traps they had, but one never knew.

It would take time to get used to the peaceful times.

When they arrived the place was crammed with people, civilian and shinobi alike, wearing big grins and colourful clothes. It made a nice difference from the black that had been adorning the village for the past week.

Not to mention the crimson from the past years.

"Shodaime-sama! Iruka-sensei!"

Iruka could feel Kakashi shrink by his side and try to hide behind him at the loud voice greeting them, all the eyes turning around to stare. And stare. And stare some more.

He knew they made quite the spectacle in their bright yukatas. At least Kakashi was a sight to behold; his wiry, lean frame nicely covered by the dark fabric, his paleness a sharp contrast with the dark blue of it. That was exactly the reason they were late, Iruka was ashamed to admit.

"Sakura, you don't need to stand on ceremony with me," Kakashi said, recovering immediately when he recognized the one calling them.

Sakura smiled. "Kakashi-sensei." Was that a blush on her face? Yes, it definitely was. "You're late! You should have been here half an hour ago!" Or maybe it was an angry flush; with Sakura's mood swings it was hard to tell the difference.

"Well, I--"

"Let them be, Sakura," Shikamaru appeared behind her, also clad in a brightly coloured yukata, his bandages contrasting sharply with it. "If you scold the Hokage now he's going to be even later, and that would be--"

"Troublesome, yeah I know," she cut him off without even bothering to turn around. "What are you waiting for, Kakashi-sensei? Let's go to the stand!"

She grabbed Kakashi's arm before he had the chance to protest and started dragging him towards the central stand, the crowd parting before them like the red sea. Whether it was due to respect for their Kage or fear for his insane assistant, Iruka couldn't tell.

He smiled, looking around and scanning the crowd. There were more faces missing in it than he was ready to accept, but the joy and hope reflected in the ones present more than made up for that.

"Where's Naruto?" he asked after a few seconds of silence, failing to spot him in the crowd. If Iruka knew Naruto the way he did, he just needed to look for the most hideously bright orange yukata in the entire festival.

Shikamaru shrugged, not looking interested in the least. His customary expression. "He was looking for Gaara a while ago."

Iruka felt a threatening aura before he heard the voices and sighed.

"So was the Mizukage," Shikamaru continued, completely unconcerned by the suddenly murderous energy flaring up on the other side of the festival. Nobody looked really worried, actually. Even after everything that had happened, people trusted Naruto. It made a huge change from how things had been. "It seems they both found him."

"Yeah, let's go," Iruka said casting a look at the platform where Kakashi was standing ready to begin his speech. He knew Kakashi hated giving speeches, and it had taken some convincing to make him write one for this occasion. Not that he was complaining, the convincing had been fun. "We need to get to Naruto before he manages to start a war with the Mist. That would be troublesome."

With a shrug and a much put upon sigh, Shikamaru followed him, Kakashi's amplified voice surrounding the entire festival grounds.

…

Kakashi pouted under his mask and followed Sakura to the stand.

He knew he should have rejected the position; he wasn't fit to be the Hokage. He was a soldier not a politician, and he was convinced he wasn't going to last more than a week. But someone had to do it, and with all the losses Konoha had sustained during the war, there wasn't anyone else.

At least until Naruto matured a bit.

He looked back longingly at Iruka, who looked ravishing in his dark green yukata and was immersed in his conversation with Shikamaru. Kakashi would give anything to be with them instead of facing the entire Konoha and giving that damnable speech.

He had tried to explain to Iruka the night before he was not made to speak in public. Give him a horde of murderous missing nin and Kakashi wouldn't even bat an eyelash, but put him on the spot in front of the people he would die to protect, and Kakashi turned into a coward. Iruka had laughed heartily, and then proceeded to slowly torture Kakashi until he accepted to write the speech and open the festival.

It had been worth it, though Kakashi knew he'd be sore the entire day.

The entire festival fell silent, or as silent as a group of celebrating shinobi could manage, the moment Kakashi stood on the stage. He opened his mouth, letting the words flow out of him while his eyes followed Iruka's progress down the festival grounds. Iruka was approaching a bright orange spot radiating with murderous energy, which could only be Naruto.

He had no idea what nonsense he was rambling about, his mouth working completely in autopilot, as Kakashi observed Iruka pulling Naruto off some whor--actually, that had to be the Mizukage, thought Kakashi had seen girls in the red district wearing more cloth on them. Compared to that, Kakashi looked completely respectable in his yukata.

Well, if he was honest, that wasn't the reason he had not wanted to wear it, whatever Iruka choose to believe. He wasn't even so concerned with wearing it himself. Yes, it wasn't the most comfortable attire on earth, but Kakashi had been able to fight--and win, or he wouldn't be there right now--even wearing just a fundoshi and a mask. Though he'd rather not think about that day.

No, it wasn't the fact that he was wearing a yukata in public what bothered Kakashi. It was that Iruka was doing it, and it was a bit too difficult to hide Kakashi's reaction to that when he was also wearing one.

He heard the crowd cheering and realized he had stopped talking, and everyone except Sakura was taking their eyes off him to go back to the festival. Sakura, though, was devoting her entire attention to Kakashi. And the way her eyebrows were drawing close in a thunderous scowl told everything he needed to know.

"I have to go back to Iruka!" Kakashi said before rushing from the stage to the last place he had seen his lover.

He was there in less than a second, running so fast he might have just teleported. Iruka was holding on to Naruto for dear life, while the blond nightmare tried to rip the Mizukage's head off. Gaara was just standing there, not taking his eyes off Naturo but not really doing anything.

Shikamaru was also there, looking at the scene with a bored expression but holding on to the Mizukage, who looked ready to kill Naruto.

Perfect, just what they needed, Naruto starting another war.

"Gaara," Kakashi said standing right next to him, "I think you should take Naruto away from here."

Gaara turned to look at him and gave him a slight nod, something in his expression telling Kakashi Naruto was in for a wild night. Oh well, now that was taken care of--

He took hold of Iruka's arm, pulling him away from there.

"Wait, Kakashi, where are we going?" Iruka asked, turning to look at him.

"Home."

"What? But the festival has just started, and I want to watch the fireworks!" Iruka protested, digging his heels and refusing to move.

Kakashi sighed. "We'll come back for the fireworks," he assured him before he just teleported them straight into their bedroom.

Iruka blinked at him with a disbelieving expression, his face flushing as he took in the change in their surroundings. "Kakashi!" he bellowed, clearly furious at being ignored. Kakashi didn't mind, he pulled down his mask and forestalled any other protest by the simple method of kissing Iruka silly.

They parted when the need for air became overwhelming, Iruka panting loudly, his angry flush completely replaced by an aroused one. Kakashi smiled. "Do you know what I was thinking about while I gave that awful opening speech?" Kakashi mumbled against Iruka's neck, taking a few steps and pressing Iruka against the wall of their bedroom.

"I think I have a slight idea," Iruka countered, one of his hands sneaking between the folds of Kakashi's yukata and stroking him over his fundoshi. Kakashi moaned, pressing his mouth against Iruka's neck and nipping at the skin.

"You look gorgeous in a yukata," he said, his voice rough and dripping with desire. "You're not allowed to wear them outside, ever again."

Iruka laughed. "Is that an order?"

"Yes, from your Hokage," he said before taking a step back and roughly turning Iruka around so he was facing the wall. From the outside they could hear the loud voices of the festivities going on, laughs and cheers and the sound of happiness that had been missing from Konoha for a long time. Iruka let himself be handled that way, pressing his hands against the wall and tilting his head back, his eyes burning with desire.

Kakashi felt something inside melt at the sight, his blood liquefying in his veins. "Fuck, you don't know what you do to me," he said, pressing himself against Iruka's back and rubbing helplessly against his body, his mouth seeking Iruka's, his tongue delving inside to taste and devour.

Iruka was pressing back against him with the same need, his mouth hard and demanding under Kakashi's, the most incredibly arousing sound escaping his throat. He took a step back and a deep breath, trying to calm himself. He didn't want this to be over too soon, and he was feeling close to the edge. For a moment Kakashi considered uncovering his Sharingan and imprinting Iruka's image in his mind forever, but he dismissed the idea as a waste of chakra. There was no way he'd ever forget it, anyway.

Iruka opened his eyes and stared at Kakashi, a soft smile curving his swollen lips. "Are you done staring?" he asked, amused and breathless.

"No," Kakashi countered, making a show or roaming his eyes over Iruka's body. He took in ever little detail; the way his shoulders heaved with each panting breath, the expanse of his cloth covered back, taut with need, his shapely arse and those long and strong legs. He paid especial attention to his face, flushed with desire, eyes bright and lips slightly parted. And the way some wisps of hair had escaped his ponytail, framing his lovely features. "You are impressive, Sensei," he said, approaching him again when he had looked his fill, his hands moving quickly to part his clothes, reaching for his skin. "You have no idea of how beautiful you look like that," he continued, one hand slipping under the fundoshi while the other found a nipple and pinched it, Iruka's shudder against his body arousing him even more. "All eager and wanting me."

He found the words failed him at Iruka's moan and he decided to put his mouth to better use, licking Iruka's arched neck while he caressed him.

It was all getting a bit too much, he wanted in Iruka, and he wanted it now. Reluctantly he pulled away, feeling the loss of contact keenly. Iruka made a sound of protest, his eyes snapping open with stare at Kakashi. "What--?"

"Just one second," Kakashi chocked out, almost incoherent with need and want. He rushed to the bedside table and yanked the drawer open, snatching the lubricant and going back to Iruka in an instant. He didn't even consider the fact that he was about to screw Iruka against the wall while the bed was just a few steps away.

Iruka had turned around and was facing Kakashi again, his yukata indecently opened and exposing him. Kakashi shuddered, his mouth drying at the sight. He coated his fingers quickly and began preparing Iruka, taking his mouth in another searing kiss. Iruka's hands were gripping his shoulders tightly, pushing Kakashi against him and moaning into his mouth. "I'm ready," he said against his lips, one of his hands taking the small vial of lubricant from Kakashi. He felt that hand undoing his fundoshi and covering his straining erection, coating him. "Fuck me now."

Kakashi was more than happy to oblige, he put his hands on Iruka's waist and lifted him, holding him against the wall with his weight. Iruka wound his legs around Kakashi's waist, pushing him closer, taking him in as deep as he could go. They stayed like that, Kakashi thanking whatever god had made him undergo the training that now gave him the strength to hold Iruka like that.

He started moving slowly, the pressure and warmth of Iruka insanely perfect around him, his mouth hard and hungry under Kakashi's. He pulled back, Iruka's legs tightening around him and pulling him back in forcefully, the pace increasing as the sounds from outside reached a feverish pitch. Konoha was celebrating life outside, and inside their house Kakashi and Iruka were doing exactly the same in their own private way.

The sounds of the first fireworks exploding outside were almost drowned by their moans, the pretty lights illuminating the sky painting Iruka's skin with otherworldly colours.

"The fireworks," Iruka panted, his eyes glazed and feverish fixed on Kakashi, his hands gripping him painfully. "Beautiful," he said, his eyes never leaving Kakashi.

"Yes," Kakashi agreed, not turning to look away from Iruka.

They came like that, never breaking eye contact while the room changed shades, their bodies moving frantically in their rush to completion.

They disentangled after a while, Iruka's legs releasing Kakashi to stand again on the floor, their breathing steadying slowly.

"Let's stay here the rest of the night," Iruka said, disappearing for a second and returning with a bottle of chilled sake. He took Kakashi's hand and dragged him to the balcony. From there they had a perfect view of the festival grounds, the fireworks still exploding merrily in the sky.

They leaned against the banister, their shoulders touching while they drank in silence. They didn't need to talk, not right now.

They were alive. And they were unafraid.

And they were together.

And for now, nothing else mattered.

…

CM fic: Solace

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 11:55:13 GMT

Title: Solace
Author: aviss
Characters/Pairing: Hotch centric, mentions of Hotch/Everyone
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst
Spoilers: 5X10
Word Count: ~500
Summary: I blame this on duare (though she refuses to take the blame) because I wasn't interested in writing for a new fandom until she came along :P

Solace

All he can think about is her voice as she said goodbye.

Hotch knows it's wrong, but it's the way things are and there's nothing he can do about it. Not right now. Time will heal this wound, like it did with every other wound inflicted on him. But for now, she's all he can think about.

He'll close his eyes and make himself believe the lips covering his own are Haley's, the tongue gently exploring his mouth is hers. Some days it's easier to believe that.

"Just don't think, keep your eyes closed and don't think."

And Hotch wants to do it, aches to lose himself in the feeling of another body next to his, the warmth and affection so freely bestowed upon him. Some days, like today, it's harder to believe the fantasy. Some days the body has rough edges, planes where there shouldn't be, a voice too deep for her.

But it doesn't matter, not really.

Deep down Hotch knows reality for what it is, and though he despises himself for taking advantage of them, he still allows for his team to comfort him in any way they can.

With his eyes closed, all he can see is Haley imprinted on the back of his lids. Haley the way she used to be: blonde, funny and so very alive.

"Aaron," the voice says, and for a moment it superimposes over Haley's, drowning the fragile fantasy, almost breaking it.

He opens his eyes to see a body definitely not hers on top of his, all planes and fair skin, sharp bones and lean limbs. He feels it moving on top, taking him in the way Hailey used to do when she was in that kind of mood. There is nothing of that playfulness here, only sorrow and comfort.

Hotch is not surprised at how little he feels from an act that used to be slightly overwhelming, but he's glad he's feeling anything at all. He hadn't at the beginning. He closes his eyes again and lets the fantasy come back, taking solace in the fact that his team cares enough about him to let him do it.

It seems to go on forever: the heart, the pressure, the friction--all of that not quite enough to bring him that perfect moment of oblivion, but getting there. Slowly, building up like the tide, taking with it the pain and the guilt for just one instant. One instant that gets longer every single time, that comes faster with each repetition.

When it's finally over Hotch keeps his eyes closed, drifting blessedly into much needed sleep. He knows he'll be alone when he wakes up; no Haley and no Reid either. But he's fine with that. It's easier during the day, with Jack around to keep his mind busy.

And in the night someone else will come; Emily with the soft body and sharp mind, Morgan with his silent companionship, Garcia with her endless chatter or Rossi with his good whiskey and deep understanding. All of them, pulling him back from the brink with their particular brand of caring.

Hotch knows it's not right, and he probably doesn’t deserve it.

But he has it, and he's grateful for that.

And for now it's enough.

…

Naruto fic: Love, Finally

Fri, 20 Nov 2009 20:40:32 GMT

Title: Love, Finally
Author: aviss
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Romance
Warning: None
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Kishimoto, I just use his characters for my own amusement.
Word Count: ~1.800
Summary: Good things come to those who wait.
A/N: Set after Lust, Love and Everything in Between.

Love, Finally

Kakashi opened his eyes slowly. It took him a couple of seconds to realize where he was, the disorientation of having just woke up, coupled with exhaustion and chakra depletion, enough to make him slower than he liked.

He blinked, yawning widely and taking in his surroundings. The dim light filtering through the blinds and the faint humming he could hear were enough to tell him he wasn't at home. And Iruka's smell permeating the entire bedroom and surrounding him told him exactly where he was.

Now, if he could only remember how he got there.

He closed his eyes and thought about it. The last thing he remembered clearly was killing his target, after that all turned into a red haze. Kakashi grimaced; he hated taking ANBU missions, but he had been unable to refuse the Hokage. He always felt out of sorts after those.

He must have gone to Iruka's house in quite a state, but the room didn't have the smell of sex, and he didn't feel sore at all. Iruka probably restrained him before he could do anything, or at least Kakashi hoped he did.

He got out of the bed and stretched, feeling aches in his body that didn't use to be there a few years ago after missions, and moved to the bathroom. The hot water chased away the remnants of sleep and tiredness, and Kakashi sighed happily. He was getting older, but he had not felt so much at peace in a long time.

After drying himself quickly, Kakashi put on the blue robe he already considered his, and went to the kitchen.

The sight that greeted him stopped Kakashi dead in his tracks, his breath catching. Iruka was cooking breakfast. That, in itself, wasn't anything new. Iruka was moving around the kitchen, clad only in a large green t-shirt and socks, his hair falling over his shoulders. He was humming a song Kakashi couldn't identify while his hands moved deftly, chopping and mixing ingredients. The smell of brewing coffee gave the entire scene a sense of domesticity Kakashi had not felt before.

He wanted to wake up to this every single day for the rest of his life.

That was the very second he realized, his mouth curving in a slight smile. It was time.

He approached Iruka stealthily, pressing himself against his back before he had the chance to notice his presence.

"Morning," Kakashi whispered against Iruka's ear, enjoying the shiver he felt coursing him.

Iruka's hands stopped what they were doing, moving back to grab Kakashi's waist while his head tilted to look at him. "Morning Kakashi," he said before Kakashi leaned forward to capture his lips in a kiss.

It was sweet and slow, just the press of lips against lips and the soft caress of tongues sliding against each other. Kakashi felt the awaited words swelling in his chest, crawling up his throat and finally pressing against his lips, itching to be said. He broke the kiss and looked at Iruka, who was smiling at him.

He was going to say it.

"Iruka," he said, not breaking eye contact, his expression turning serious. "I have something to tell you."

Iruka frowned at his tone and the change in his expression. "Yes?"

Kakashi opened his mouth, ready to spill everything. "I--" he closed it again, sighing. "This is not as easy as I thought."

Iruka's frown deepened, though he didn't move from his position trapped between Kakashi and the kitchen counter. "What's wrong, Kakashi?"

He shook his head. "Nothing's wrong. It's just that--I--Shit!" he swore. He was screwing up, and it had all seemed so natural an easy just a few seconds ago. Kakashi tried again. "This is not easy for me. It's the first time I say this and considering how hard it is, I doubt I will say it again."

Iruka looked at him confused and then the light of realization entered his eyes, his mouth curling up again. He stayed silent, waiting for Kakashi to say what he wanted to say.

Kakashi took a deep breath and opened his mouth.

"I love you, Iruka."

He didn't expect the reaction he got. Iruka laughed. a full throated chuckle that made Kakashi frown.

"That all?" Iruka said teasingly. Kakashi was about to take a step back, annoyed, before he realized Iruka's eyes were studying him seriously. "With the time you've made me wait for it, I was expecting some grand eternal love declaration or something."

It was true he had taken longer than he believed to choke out the words, though he was plenty aware that the feelings had been there all along. It was just--Kakashi wasn't good at romance, and Iruka had to know that.

"I don't do romantic declarations, Iruka," he said with a shrug.

Iruka shook his head. "You read Icha Icha as if it was your Bible, you can do better than that."

That was a challenge if Kakashi had ever heard one. And he didn't refuse challenges.

Kakashi took a step back, completely disentangling himself from Iruka and looked him up and down. Iruka turned to face him, leaning back against the counter and waiting.

Kakashi took a deep breath, willing his face not to blush while he said the most embarrassing words he was going to utter in his entire life.

"Umino Iruka, listen to this and listen well, because it's the only time I'm ever going to say it," he said, the words flowing out of him with more ease than he had expected. "I love you. You are the most incredibly annoying and utterly confusing individual in the whole Konoha. You are a holy terror and take no shit from anyone, especially stuck up jounin who believe they are better than anyone else. And I love you for this. I love the way you tell me to fuck off when I'm being annoying, and I love the way the blush spread on your face when I'm trying to charm you. I love the way you look at me when you think I don't see it, and the way you pretend to ignore me when you want to irritate me. I love that you're not afraid of me. Or in awe with me. I love that you treat everyone equally, especially those who believe themselves superior. I love the way your scar bunches up when you're trying not to laugh at your student's antics, and the way you bite your lower lip when you're concentrating on something."

He stopped when Iruka sighed loudly, his face was crimson red and his body was shaking, either with restrained laugher or arousal. Kakashi's eyes moved down and he smirked, dropping to his knees in front to the speechless Iruka.

"I love your skin," he said, pressing his face against the cloth covered stomach, feeling the slight tremors against his cheek. He put his hands on Iruka's thighs and moved them slowly upwards. "I love the way you taste, like sunshine and coming home," he lifted the t-shirt, revealing Iruka's tanned skin and his prominent erection. He leaned forward, his tongue darting out to lick the tip teasingly. Iruka moaned loudly. "I love how you sit in the mission room, all prim and proper, and yet you can be so wild in bed." His hands pressed Iruka's hips against the counter and he opened his mouth, taking him in as far as he could. For the next few minutes the only sounds in the kitchen were Iruka's moans while Kakashi sucked him, his tongue and lips busy expressing his love with something different than words.

Iruka's hands gripped his hair, pulling hard while Kakashi relentlessly reduced him to a panting mess. "Kakashi, fuck me now!" Iruka's voice was strained and dripping with need, and Kakashi finally released him, standing up and kissing his mouth deeply. Iruka wasted no time in undoing the belt of his robe, his hand gripping Kakashi's cock and coating it with something slippery. Oil, he realized with a jolt.

Kakashi broke the kiss, looking for the oil to prepare Iruka. He didn't get to it, Iruka turned around and leaned forward against the counter, spreading his legs in invitation. "Screw that, I want you in me now," Iruka urged him with a growl.

"But--" Kakashi protested. They had only done it unprepared once, and he had paid dearly for that slip. He wasn't going to repeat the same mistakes again.

"Don't need it, just keep talking and fuck me!"

Kakashi nodded, pressing his body against Iruka's and entering him slowly. He could feel the ring off muscle trying to resist him, but Iruka urged him on, forcing his body to relax. "Keep talking."

"I love how you can spread your legs for me," Kakashi said, his voice strained with the effort of keeping the pace slow enough not to hurt Iruka, "take everything I give you and then turn around and fuck me like no one has dared before." He stopped to catch his breath when he was fully sheathed, the pressure enough to drive him insane. "I love the little sounds you make when I suck you off," he pulled back and pushed again slowly, feeling the constriction relax minutely, easing around him. "And the way you arch up and moan when I bite that spot on your neck." He mimicked words with actions, Iruka moaning and arching under him before he started to fuck him in earnest, picking up the pace. "I love how you feel inside me, when you pound me against the mattress or the wall." Speech was becoming more difficult, his thoughts turning incoherent as the pleasure mounted. Iruka had been reduced to moaning and whimpering some time ago, his entire body shaking. "I love--oh, fuck--I love you. Every little--god--thing about you." He panted, his breath short, his entire attention focused only on Iruka, how he felt and sounded and trembled and tasted. Kakashi had the presence of mind to take Iruka's erection in his hand and stroke him in time with his thrusts, both of them too far gone for the conversation to continue.

It didn't last long, Iruka turned his head around and Kakashi crushed their mouths together, their tongues hungrily sucking each other while Kakashi pounded into him. He felt Iruka tensing, coming in his hand and clenching around him, and Kakashi was gone, his orgasm almost blinding.

They stayed like that, catching their breaths for a while, their lips moving slowly against each other in almost chaste kisses.

"Was that Icha Icha enough for you, Iruka?" Kakashi said when he thought he could speak again, withdrawing slowly.

Iruka shuddered visibly at the feeling and then turned to look at Kakashi, a goofy smile on his face. "I told you, you could do better."

And he had been right.

And if those were the results he got, maybe Kakashi could try declaring his love Icha Icha style every now and then.

It was definitely worth the effort.

…

*Fin*

Vidas Pasadas

Sat, 07 Nov 2009 12:07:59 GMT

Tiene su gracia, se lo he visto a duare y como no puedo evitar subirme al carro XD

Sobre tu Vida Anterior:

No sé cómo te sientas al respecto Aleia, pero parece que tú fuiste hombre en tu última encarnación.

Tu signo zodiacal en esa vida era Escorpión.

Muy probablemente pasaste los últimos momentos de tu vida en algún lugar cerca de Gales, aproximadamente en el año 1536.

El nombre por el que se te conoció en esa vida pudo haber sido algo como MacAladair o Raghallach.

Es posible que tu ocupación en esa vida fuera algo relacionado con profesor, geólogo.

Tipo revolucionario. Inspiraste cambios en alguna esfera - política, de negocios, religiosa, etc. Probablemente un líder.

Tú cumpliste con tu lección ayudando a los ancianos y a los niños. Viniste a esa vida a aprender a tomar conciencia de los débiles y desamparados.

La pagina esta aqui por si mas gente quiere subirse al carro.

Un escoces, eh??? Bueno, al menos aunque hombre llevaba falda...

Writing meme

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 00:23:45 GMT

Writing meme I stole from o0o_faor_o0o

1. When did you start writing?
I don't remember a time I didn't write. No, honestly… I still find small notebooks filled with scribbles (terrible, terrible things) I used to write silly short stories for my school homework when it was Spanish language class. And yes, also for English. Properly writing I guess sometime when I was around fourteen years old, I had my dark gothic era at 18 when I wrote poetry (and even presented it for a contest, and it was hideous poetry) and when I got my first computer at 20 I started trying to write novels.

2. First drafts: Handwritten, typed, or some combination?
Edit: I just realized what the question meant, it's too late and I should be in bed already. Typed, I only write in my computer nowadays. I keep a pendrive with all my works on me all the time so I can write in any computer available.

3. Do you keep any kind of notebook or writer's journal, and if so, what kinds of things go into it?
No. Nothing at all. I don't even write down the ideas until I begin to write the story.

4. Do you set any quotas for your work (number of words per day, number of hours per day, etc.)? Why or why not?
I don't have the time or patience for that. If I'm in the mood I can write up to 5 or 10k in a day, provided is a lazy Sunday where I won't be doing anything else. That doesn’t happen a lot. Some days I don't write a word, some other it feels is the only thing I do.

5. Are you most comfortable writing short stories, novels, or something else?
I never know if the story is going to be long or short when I start it. Unless I had something planner (like a 7 day story or something like that) I just go with the flow. I love writing short stories, but lately they seem to keep getting longer and longer.

6. What's your favorite kind of story to write?
Dark, angsty, violent things. Things that feel real because of the emotions even if the universe is completely unreal. I don't do descriptive because I can't see the scene I'm describing, but I do feel them, so I try for the emotions to be as real as possible.

7. Talk about a story of yours that was easy to write and one that was difficult to write, and why.
Easy: The Other Side of the Moon. I started the story around February with just 2k of the 10 it turned out to be. I had the idea of the supposedly dead Grimmjow and Ichigo in denial. And some bits of flashbacks. I did like the idea and wanted to sit down and write it. Then RL happened and I was unable to write for months. Eight months later I had the time again and a very bad day. I opened the story and it was all there, staring at me from the page. It practically wrote itself in just one day.
Hard: Double Jeopardy. Hello threesome. Byakuya. Humour. All those reasons. Again it was a story I started almost a year before I finished it. I used to open the document and add a line here, a scene there, but I was never able to see the full picture. I was very close not to finish it.

8. Which of your characters is closest to your sense of self? In other words, who do you most identify with in your own work to date?
I don't know. I try not to identify the characters with my own personality but what the original author gave them. If I had to choose I'd say different traits of different characters: Iruka's straighforwardness, Ichigo's stubbornness, Kakashi's pervy mind XD

9. What work are you most proud of right now?
Much needs to change for this answer to be different. The Other Side of the Moon. It was the first time I've felt so good with myself after finishing a fic. Honestly, I never get tired of reading it (I know, I wrote it, I should know it by heart and I do). It said exactly what I wanted it to say, which doesn’t always happen, and iit said it un the way I wanted it to as well.

10. What do you feel your strengths and weaknesses are as a writer?
Description, that's my biggest weakness and I feel it when I try to write originals. I can't describe because I don't have a visual mind, I can't see what I'm trying to describe. It's horrible... fanfics are good for me because I don’t have to tell people what they are seeing, they already know it.
Emotion is my strength, exactly for the same reasons description is my weakness. I can't manipulate the reader to see what I don't see, but I do feel and I can express those feelings in writing. (I know, I'm not exactly modest today)

11. Name a few writers who have influenced you or your work in some way.
In RL, Stephen King. That's my biggest influence. I've beeen reading his stories since I was 13, it's no wonder I go for dark and twisted.
In fanfiction, Fabula Rasa in HP fandom. I can't say exactly how or when, but I know most of her fics by heart, and for someone who's mother tongue is not english, I learned a way of expressing myself in this language reading (and translating) her stories.

12. Talk about something you've written that you later found embarrassing for some reason.
I would have to admit to my old nick and dredge from the bottom of barrel some very awful fics. Let's just say I tired to write in a language I wasn't even qualified for speaking properly and you'll get the idea. (tenses switching randomly was only one of my problems)

13. Talk about the earliest stories you remember writing. What were they about?
Witches, Vampires, supernatural creatures, intrigue. Hey I grew up reading Stephen King, what do you expect?

14. If you knew you would be successful, what would you most like to write?
I don't know, I have an average of five ideas a day… and some of them are not for fic. I just wish I had the time to go for them, they are all different.

15. What inspires you?
Anything and everything. A random comment heard at a family gathering. A short comic. Something I read. Something I dreamt about. A friend challenging me. As I''ve said, I have too much imagination to be healthy.

16. How many projects do you tend to work on at once?
Way too many.

17. Who reads your work before it's released to the public? Do you have beta readers, a critique group, etc.?
kamapon, when it's not a Bleach fic, who is the one to blame for giving me some of the ideas. I only use betas when it's for a fest, though I know I desperately need one.

18. When you're not writing, what do you do for fun?
I watch TV, read manga, comic, book, plan cosplays, do photography, make-up, go out with friends, cook, bake, play with my cats, my niece, talk to my sister, invent cocktails and drink them, plan trips… considering the amount of things I do, it's a miracle I even have time for writing at all.

19. Advice to other writers?
Write what you want to read. If you are doing it for reviews or for other people (I don't mean presents or challenges) it's never going to be the best you can write.

20. What are you currently working on?
This is the content of my WIP folder in my pendrive (which I carry with me everywhere so I can write at any time)

go_exchange assignement, though it's going slower than I'd like with the approaching deadline.

kakairu_fest assignement, which is insisting in turning into a long one-shot and it's eating my brain.

Two drabbles in Spanish for truco_o_trato they are overdue.

Distorted Reflection, a Grimmjow//Ichigo mindfuck fic.

A yukata fetish Kakashi/Iruka fic, still untitled which I'm doing because I have a yukata fetish XD

Better the Devil you Know, a Kuroshitsuji, William/Sebastian intrigue fic which insists in being a multicharpter when I don't have the time for more of those.

Chasing Shadows at Noon, a Grimmjow/Renji long one-shot which believes it's a multichapter and it's putting up a fight.

Leap of Faith, a multichapter Grimmjow/Ichigo I have not forgotten about.

Make a Wish, an AU-isn One Piece multichapter in the same situation as the above one.

Sleepless in the Gran Line, an Ace/Zoro/Sanji threesome I promised.

21. Share three sentences of a work in progress.
Chasing shadows at Noon: "I can't order you to go, Renji," Byakuya said, "this should be reported to the Soutaichou immediately and Kurosaki Ichigo dealt with as a Hollow. But I owe Kurosaki Ichigo; I can give you three days leave. Pick two people you can trust and go help Rukia with the search."

Naruto Fic: Setting the Record Straight

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 15:10:07 GMT

Title: Setting the Record Straight
Author: aviss
Rating: PG-13
Genre: romance, slight angst
Warnings: none
Summary: Kakashi overhears something he's not supposed to.
Disclaimer: So disclaimed.
Word Count: ~2.600
A/N: In response to this request at kakairu_kink.

Setting the Record Straight

"You know, no matter how much you pine after Kakashi-sama, he's never going to look your way."

Kakashi stopped at those words, his rush to the mission room to turn in his report before it was too late halted by his own curiosity and a feeling of dread. Not another fangirl fight. It got old a long time ago, and no matter how many times he explained the girls he really wasn't interested in a relationship, they never gave up trying. Those fangirls were truly scary.

He'd even given up discouraging their outrageous stories about him, just so he didn't have to talk to them, but threatening another girl was just a bit too much.

He was tempted to go in the break room and finally set the record straight before it got out of hand. He froze at the new voice, which was one he wasn't expecting at all.

"You know, my feelings are mine, and you have no say in them."

Kakashi would have recognized Umino Iruka's voice anywhere; it featured prominently in many student's and jounin's nightmares. Especially after a bad report had been delivered. It had had a starring role in some of Kakashi's dreams lately as well, and not in the screaming-bloody-murder kind of way the rest of Konoha was used to.

"We're doing you a favour, Iruka-sensei." Another voice, one Kakashi recognized as Kinoshita Akane, the biggest pest of them all and a high ranking jounin, joined the argument. "We've seen the way you look at him, and you're going to end up hurt."

The way Iruka looked at him? As far as Kakashi knew, Iruka always looked at him as if he were the biggest annoyance in Konoha; and he talked to Kakashi, when he deigned to talk to him at all, as if he was a moron who couldn't do a report right. The last one was because Kakashi never bothered to do a report right if he was going to hand it to Iruka, but that was beside the point.

"Look, Akane-san," Iruka said, his voice calm and composed but Kakashi could hear the undercurrent of danger in that soft voice. They might not be friends, but Kakashi knew enough about Iruka to be aware that he despised being told what to do. Or not do, in this case. Kinoshita was in for a nasty surprise. "If I end up hurt, is my business and mine alone. Not you, not any of the other women, can tell me what I'm allowed to feel and for whom. Am I making myself clear?"

Crystal clear. Kakashi couldn't help the smile that curved his lips. He had liked Iruka's attitude since a long time ago, and the way he never took any shit from anyone. Especially Kakashi himself.

There was a loud scoff and some protests. Kakashi counted at least five people in the room by chakra signature and the voices. All of them were jounin except for Iruka. He wondered if he should intervene before it got out of hand.

But if Iruka hated being told what to do, that was nothing to what he probably felt about being rescued when he wasn't in real need of. Kakashi flattened himself against the wall next to the door, report forgotten, and eavesdropped shamelessly.

"How can you say that, Iruka-sensei?" This time it was Mariko's voice, an ex-ANBU Kakashi made the mistake of sleeping with once. Her voice was hard as flint, and there was a note of disgust in it. This was going to turn ugly very soon. "That you imagine Kakashi-sama," and that habit of her to idealize him and call him sama had been the first thing to turn Kakashi off even when she was devastatingly beautiful, "is not going to be offended by your unnatural inclinations. That he might find a fag--"

She stopped short, some gasps from inside the room telling Kakashi Iruka had not liked being insulted.

"You say that word, Mariko-san," Iruka's voice was cold as ice and held the promise of pain to come. It sent a shiver down Kakashi's spine. He had never heard him sounding that deadly serious, and in spite of being a great turn on, he never wanted to. At least not directed at him. "And you will find exactly how good a chuunin schoolteacher's reflexes are, and why my classes are top of the Academy at Kunai practice."

Kakashi couldn't help the snicker that built in his throat. You tell them Iruka-sensei! He rooted for him internally.

"This goes for all of you," Iruka said, obviously at the end of his tether. "Who I like and don't like is not your fucking problem, it's mine. It's not as if I intend to jump your Kakashi-sama," and the scorn at the name almost made Kakashi fall in love right there and then. He had nothing against Iruka's unnatural inclinations, he was very much inclined to share them, pun intended. He had not wanted a relationship with anyone in the fan club, or any other person in Konoha wanting to date Sharingan Kakashi, or Kakashi-sama. Iruka, on the other hand, well--Kakashi was beginning to believe dating Iruka could be the best decision, and not as unattainable as he had previously considered. "You don't have to warn me off him, and let this be the last time you have the nerve to threaten or insult me. Chuunin or not, do not make the mistake of thinking me weak. I might not be as strong as you, but I'm not helpless."

Kakashi knew the show was over and quickly disguised himself as part of the wall. There was no way he'd get caught eavesdropping, and was murdered by Iruka, like that. Not before he got around asking Iruka on a date.

The door opened and Iruka left the break room, back straight and head held high. His eyes were flinty and his face was flushed with rightful indignation, his hand was steady on the door while he shot a parting glare at the assembled women inside. Kakashi felt like jumping him, he looked edible like that.

The moment the door was closed, however, all that attitude disappeared, shoulders hunching and something like despair clearly painted in Iruka's face. Kakashi frowned.

"Fuck!" Iruka whispered, a world of feeling in that one word, and he punched the wall close to where Kakashi's head was. Iruka didn't even flinch at the pain; he just took a deep breath and visibly composed himself under Kakashi's startled glance. "Damned hags," Iruka said in the same defeated and low tone. "I know perfectly well he's never going to be interested, you don't need to rub it in my face."

He left, shuffling down the hall towards the mission room, his posture straightening and his pace increasing the further away he got from Kakashi and the break room.

What the hell?

I am interested! Kakashi wanted to shout after him, but he remained silent, staring after Iruka and thinking.

Maybe, if he played his cards well he could kill two birds with one stone.

"Yo, Ladies," Kakashi said opening the door to the break room, all the conversation halting at his presence. "I have to turn in a report and wondered if you want to come with me. I just heard some disquieting rumours and want to set the record straight."

He saw the way the women looked at him and smiled, nodding eagerly.

This was going to be fun.

…

Iruka reached the mission room feeling slightly more like himself, though he was still pretty pissed off and hurt. How dare those bloody bitches warn him off Kakashi? When had he ever made a move on the annoying jounin?

True, he was interested in him. More than just interested, if he was honest with himself, which he wasn't. But he had never considered it more than an unrequited infatuation, and he was fine with that. He knew Kakashi was popular, and rightly so. He also knew he gave himself to the girls in his fan club as if he as God's gift to womankind, or at least that was what they boasted shamelessly whenever Iruka was within earshot. Mariko specially would tell anyone who listened how handsome Kakashi-sama was under his mask.

It was usually enough to make Iruka roll his eyes and feel like puking.

No, he entertained no foolish illusions of his affections ever being returned, and he could put up with being laughed at. But being threatened and insulted by those same hags? That was beyond the pale.

He took a deep breath to compose himself and took his seat at the mission desk, checking the reports that had been handed in his short absence. He noted disappointed that Kakashi's was not in the pile. He knew Kakashi was due that afternoon, and didn't feel like facing him after that conversation. He had hoped for some luck, but obviously some God hated him.

He had barely finished that though when the object of his musings entered the mission room, the women from the fan club following him closely. Kakashi looked at the women, something like mischief shinning in his one uncovered eye.

Iruka had a very bad feeling.

He steeled himself when Kakashi walked up to him. Why the prick insisted in delivering his reports personally to Iruka was beyond his understanding.

"Iruka-sensei," Kakashi said, smiling that infuriating smile under his mask.

"Kakashi-san," Iruka acknowledged him, holding out his hand to grab the report. He wasn't even going to scold him today if his report was up to his usual standards. He didn't feel like spending more time than necessary with Kakashi.

Iruka blinked when no report was forthcoming. He frowned at Kakashi.

"I was wondering, Iruka-sensei," Kakashi began, dark amusement lurking in his voice. He darted a look at the women and then turned his entire attention back to Iruka. "If you would like to have dinner with me."

Iruka's heart stopped for a second, the blood freezing in his veins. Had Kakashi just invited him out? Why? He heard a shocked gasp in the background, Kakashi's intent stare on his face. And then came the snicker.

Iruka saw red. The utter bastard!

He stood up so quickly he knocked his chair back, the clatter of it crashing against the floor drowned by the pounding of his heart and the blood rushing to his face. He was so furious he was almost apoplectic.

"I don't appreciate being made fun of, Hatake-san," he spat in a deadly whisper. His eyes shining with righteous fury. He noticed how Kakashi took a startled step back, a look or puzzlement crossing his features. "I don't know what they," he shot a venomous look at the women, who were still sniggering among themselves, "promised you if you did this, but you've crossed the line there."

Kakashi looked back at the women, his eye narrowing in fury, and then turned back to Iruka.

"Iruka-sensei, wait--"

Iruka was feeling too angry and hurt to listen to Kakashi. He didn't care if he was in the middle of work; he needed to get away from there before he murdered Konoha's most valuable shinobi for being a complete and utter asshole.

He went round the desk and headed to the door, not caring what anyone in the room thought.

"Iruka!"

He rounded on Kakashi. "What? Do you find funny that I might be attracted to you?" He said loudly, completely unconcerned that they had an audience. "I know you don't swing that way, they make it perfectly clear every single day, but I didn't think you would be so much of a prick to go along with them in this. I wasn't going to bother you with it, Hatake-san. Now you don't have to worry, you have completely cured me of my infatuation." He turned around to leave before Kakashi could react.

He never even made it to the door. A vise like grip clamped on his wrist, and he was forcibly turned to look at Kakashi.

"They didn't put me up to this, and trust me, I swing that way. To be more precise, I swing your way." Kakashi's voice was deadly serious as it was his expression. Iruka frowned at the tone and the way the mission room fell completely silent, everyone hanging on to Kakashi's every word. "And yes, I slept with Mariko once, and I had to have been completely off my rocker, because she's been pestering me since then. By the way, she's the only one of them to ever have anything with me."

Iruka risked a look at the women and saw them blushing furiously; some of them even had the grace to look embarrassed. Mariko didn't. She looked livid. Kakashi turned to look at them.

"I don't like being followed around, and I don't like being called Kakashi-sama as if I was a noble or the bloody Hokage. I'm a shinobi, not a celebrity. I don't need or want a fan club. I shouldn't have let things get to this point, but I thought if I ignored it, it would go away." He sighed loudly, annoyance still clear in his voice. "Obviously it didn't."

He turned to Iruka again, who was fighting the urge to burst out laughing at the women's expressions. This was sweet revenge; maybe the Gods really loved him.

And maybe his infatuation with Kakashi wasn't as one sided as he had believed.

"Now, Iruka," Kakashi said finally letting go of his arm. Iruka rubbed his wrist where Kakashi had held it with more force than necessary. "Do you want to have dinner with me tonight? Or have I cured you so well of your infatuation you won't give me that chance now?"

Iruka finally allowed himself a chuckle.

"I'll give you that chance," he said with a mischievous smile, "and a lot more than that if you want." He pitched his voice low enough so Kakashi was the only one who heard the last part. He felt a pleasant shiver running down his spine at the heat he saw in that expressive eye.

Kakashi leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "I think we've given enough of a spectacle for today or I'd kiss you right now, but I don't want any of those hags to see my face or I would never get rid of them."

Iruka nodded, feeling the heat radiating off Kakashi's body and wishing they were alone. But he could wait.

Kakashi took a step back. "I'll pick you up at seven, Iruka sensei," he said and turned to the women with a friendly wave. "Oh, and I have to thank you, Akane-san, Mariko. If you had not threatened Iruka in a public place where anyone might overhear, I would have never thought I had a chance with him. You know, I didn't believe he shared my unnatural inclinations."

He left with that parting remark, Iruka shaking with laughter under the murderous stares of the members of Kakashi's fan club. The rest of the mission room was also laughing, some of the jounin’s sharing knowing looks and whispering among themselves.

Iruka didn't even care he was going to be the next piece of juicy gossip in Konoha. He had a date with Kakashi and had gotten his perfect revenge on the fan club hags, all in one stroke.

Some deity definitely loved him.

…

*Fin*

Retos Halloweeen Parte 2

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 16:30:00 GMT

Retos Halloween parte 2, me quedan otros dos por terminar

missginni

Harry, Draco y Ron, borrachos tras la boda de Ginny y Blaise, acaban relatándose sus primeras experiencias sexuales, a cada cual más irrisoria, y con la persona más inesperada... Sorpréndeme xDDD (328)

…

N/A: Tengo que pedir perdon a Nela por esto… en serio, perdoname XD

…

No había suficiente alcohol en el mundo para hacer hablar a Ron.

No. De ninguna de las maneras. No importaba que los Zabini hubiesen tirado la casa por la ventana para celebrar la boda. Ni que, por suerte, los Weasley no tuviesen que pagar nada de esta. Ni que el champagne estuviese fluyendo como agua de mesa en mesa.

No, ni por esas.

Harry había pasado el punto de inhebriación hacia rato y Mafoy, Draco Malfoy de todas las personas del mundo, parecía querer competir con él no solo en cuanto podían beber, si no en quien tenia el pasado mas vergonzoso de los dos.

En serio. Ron no quería saber si Malfoy había perdido la virginidad borracho como una cuba después una fiesta de Slughorn, en la que se había colado, a manos de Romilda Vane. Aunque la simple idea de Malfoy y la loca de Romilda era suficiente para que tanto Ron como Harry se hubiese despollado de la risa durante un rato.

Con experiencias así no era de extrañar que Malfoy hubiese acabado siendo mas marica que un palomo cojo.

Y, sinceramente, descubrir que su mejor amigo había sido incapaz de que se le levantase con su hermana, y así no era de sorprender que Ginny hubiese acabado con Zabini, hasta que esta había comprado un dildo y había sido ella quien le desvirgo a él, era algo que Ron hubiese sido feliz de no descubrir nunca.

Viendo como se miraban esos dos y lo que se acaban de contar el uno al otro, ron les deseaba la más absoluta de las felicidades a ambos. Si querían ser dos maricas felices juntos, tenían su bendición.

Pero no, no importaba cuanto insistiesen. Ni cuantas copas de champagne le hiciesen beber. Ron no iba a compartir su primera experiencia con ellos.

Antes muerto.

La historia de cuando se cayó al lago y tuvo un encuentro personal con el calamar gigante era una que se llevaría a tumba.

…

orion_star11

Kuroshitsuji, Sebastian/Finny

Cuando Finny le pregunta a Sebastian que es lo que piensa de su vida antes de llegar a la mansion Phantomhive, recibe una respuesta que no es precisamente la que esperaba. Un poco de fluff, p0rn si quieres :D (213)

…

Sebastian miró a su alrededor, observando todo en la mansión, desde los relucientes candelabros y las cortinas de brocado, hasta los pulidos suelos y el magnifico festín esperando en la mesa. Todo preparado por él después de que los inútiles de los criados la jodieran por decimonovena vez en la semana.

- ¿Mi vida antes? - comenzó, su vista fijándose de nuevo en los esperanzados ojos del jardinero. En su mente podía ver su antiguo hogar perfectamente: el fuego eterno, los gritos de los condenados, la sangre y los monstruos, siempre teniendo que mirar hacia atrás o arriesgarse a que alguien le apuñalase por la espalda. Lo comparó con su vida actual. - Tranquila, relajada.

Finny no pudo ocultar un gesto de decepción ante su respuesta y Sebastian resistió la tentación de poner los ojos en blanco. Finny era tan predecible. Por el rabillo del ojo vio la única cosa que adoraba de la vida en la tierra, y sus labios se curvaron en una sonrisa.

- Aunque no lo cambiaria por nada del mundo. Si me disculpas, - Sebastian se apresuró hacia el jardín, un platito de leche materializándose en su mano.

El rostro de Finny se iluminó esperanzado ante su respuesta. Despues de todo, quizas Sebastian si era feliz con ellos.

…

Retos de Halloween - Parte 1

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 09:26:29 GMT

Respuesta a los retos de Halloween de truco_o_trato, faltan unos pocos que ire subiendo a lo largo del finde

eratoirae

Quiero un Blaise/Harry/Draco. Me da igual el orden, tanto monta, monta tanto.

Blaise y Draco están liados de antes, pero deciden incorporar a Harry, me da igual los motivos, cómo suceda... (274)

…

Harry cerró los ojos y se dejo llevar por las sensaciones. No sabia donde estaba, no sabia que día era ni si era de día o de noche, lo único que existía en el mundo de Harry en esos momentos eran las manos recorriendo su cuerpo lentamente, las bocas mordisqueando y besando, las lenguas degustando su boca y su piel, y los cuerpos atrapando el suyo.

- ¿Crees que le esta gustando, Draco? - preguntó una voz detrás de Harry, las manos preparándole se retiraron y Harry gimió ante la perdida.
- Yo diría que si, Blaise - la voz de Malfoy respondió desde algún punto a la altura de su pelvis, y Harry se arqueó intentando aproximarse mas a su boca.
- ¿Entonces crees que aceptara venir más veces?

Harry gimió nuevamente cuando la boca de Malfoy se cerró sobre su miembro a la vez que Zabini se posicionaba detrás de él, penetrándole lentamente. No supo nada más durante un tiempo, las sensaciones demasiado poderosas para permitir algo tan innecesario como los pensamientos.

- Yo creo que si, - dijo Malfoy cuando la niebla de deseo se levantó y Harry fue capaz nuevamente de prestar atención a lo que sucedía a su alrededor. - Potter parece haber disfrutado de la experiencia. Quizás la próxima vez podamos prescindir del Imperius.

Harry abrió finalmente los ojos, una sonrisa satisfecha en sus labios, y miró a sus antiguos compañeros de clase.

- Lastima que ninguno de los dos recordéis que ese hechizo no me ha hecho efecto desde cuarto curso. Os va a costar repetirlo desde la carcel. - Aunque quizas se dejase convencer para no denunciarles.

…

tsubame_17

Yo quiero un Isshin Kurosaki/Ryūken Ishida. (289)

…

- ¿Sabes Ryuken? Deberías aprender algo de tu hijo, - Isshin dijo a modo de saludo desde la puerta de su despacho.

Ryuken levantó la mirada de los papeles que tenia en la mano, resistiendo apenas el impulso de poner los ojos en blanco. Desde que sus hijos desapareciesen para irse a matar Hollows juntos a Hueco Mundo, Isshin había cogido la costumbre de ir a molestarle a cualquier hora del día. Debía aburrirse ahora que no tenía a su hijo cerca para torturar.

- ¿No tienes nada mejor que hacer que incordiarme, Kurosaki? - preguntó resignado, dejando los papeles sobre la mesa. Sabía que ya no conseguiría hacer más trabajo.
- Toda esa tontería de Shinigami y Quincy, - dijo Isshin como si no le hubiese escuchado. - Hace muchos años de eso, ¿no crees que es hora de olvidar el pasado?

Isshin cerró la puerta detrás de él y se acercó lentamente a mesa, mirando a Ryuken de forma casi depredadora.

- Isshin, - susurró, leyendo perfectamente sus intenciones y levantándose de la silla. Ryuken rodeó el escritorio y se apoyó contra este, cruzando sus brazos sobre el pecho. - ¿De que tonterías estas hablando?
- A tu hijo no le importa dejarse follar por un Shinigami, - dijo Isshin, acercándose hasta que sus cuerpos casi se tocaban.

Ryuken se permitió una leve sonrisa.

- Mi hijo, - dijo pasando una mano por detrás del cuello de Isshin y acercándole hasta que sus rostros estaban a escasos milímetros de distancia, - es un crío y no sabe lo que quiere. Aun. - Con un rápido movimiento tenia a Isshin presionado contra el escritorio, su propio cuerpo sujetándole ahí. - Yo, por el contrario, no tengo ese problema.

…

perseone

Drarry.

Un solo requisito: que la siguiente frase sea importante en el fic 'Este es tu problema, te has acostado sólo con una mujer y esa cifra mola si tienes 11 años.' (427)

…

Draco abrió la puerta de su casa y miró a Harry Potter con mal disimulado escarnio y sacudió la cabeza.

- ¿Dónde te crees que vas con esas pintas, Potter?

No entendía para nada que coño le pasaba a Potter, pero estaba claro que había entendido algo mal. ¿Qué clase de freak se llevaba a una chica en su primera cita a un partido de Quidditch? ¿Y vestido de esa manera? No que los vaqueros y la camiseta desteñida le quedasen mal, pero así no iba a impresionar a ninguna mujer. Por no mencionar que ni había comprado flores, ni tenia reserva en un restaurante.

Si su plan para una cita romántica era Quidditch y una cerveza en el pub debería haber invitado a Weasley.

- Draco…
- A ver, cuando accedí a ayudarte pensé que tendrías algo mas de idea de lo que hacías, - le interrumpió Draco, preguntándose de nuevo que impulso masoquista le había hecho decirle que si a Potter cuando le pidió consejo. De haber sabido que no iba a hacerle ni puto caso, Draco se hubiese ahorrado la saliva.
- Draco… - Harry intentó hablar de nuevo.

Draco no le dejó. - No. ¿Sabes que es lo que pasa? Este es tu problema, te has acostado solo con una mujer, y esa cifra mola si tienes once años. A tu edad deberías saber más lo que les gusta a las mujeres. A este paso ninguna va a querer salir contigo.

Cosa que a Draco no le molestaba demasiado. Si Potter se quedaba soltero, mejor. Así al menos Draco no tendría que verle con ninguna arpía del brazo.

Si. Definitivamente masoquista.

- Draco… - Harry parecía al límite de su paciencia también, una nota de irritación entrando en su voz.
- ¿Y porque coño has venido aquí? ¿Vas a llegar tarde…?
- ¡Draco! - Harry finalmente espetó perdiendo los papeles. - ¿Te quieres callar de una puta vez y decirme si quieres venir al partido conmigo o no?

Draco cerró la boca de golpe y parpadeó, mirando a Harry. ¿Era eso un ligero rubor en su rostro? Oh. Oh

Sin que su cuerpo consultase con su cerebro, Draco se encontró asintiendo y cogiendo sus cosas para salir. En el momento en que la puerta se cerró Harry le cogió de la mano.

- Y por cierto, - dijo Harry aprovechando que Draco estaba demasiado atónito para hablar. - Puede que solo me haya acostado con una mujer, pero eres tú quien ha asumido Ginny es la única persona con quien me he acostado.

…

juanita_star

Ichigo, Grimmjow (espero no fallar con las M...) lucha por la dominación (en la cama/escritorio/donde sea que se puedan revolcar) (176)

…

Siempre acababa igual.

No importaba lo que hiciese, ni cuantas veces lo repitiesen. Ichigo luchaba y se retorcía, pero por algún extraño motivo siempre terminaba exactamente en la misma posición.

Era injusto.

Ichigo fulminó a Grimmjow con la mirada y enredó sus manos en su pelo, tirando de él hacia abajo hasta que pudo capturar su boca en un violento beso, mordiendo salvajemente. Grimmjow emitió un gruñido y relajó brevemente su presa sobre Ichigo.

Era su oportunidad. Rodeando su cintura con las piernas, Ichigo giró, arrastrando a Grimmjow sobre la cama hasta quedar encima, sentándose a horcajadas sobre sus caderas y atrapando a Grimmjow con su cuerpo.

Esta vez iba a ser él quien quedase encima.

Grimmjow le miró arqueando una ceja, una sonrisa sarcástica curvando sus ensangrentados labios.

- Si quieres ser tú quien este arriba, Shinigami, - dijo Grimmjow colocando sus manos sobre las caderas de Ichigo y posicionándole bruscamente antes de empujar hacia arriba. Ichigo se tensó, una exclamación de dolor y frustración intentando escapar de sus labios. - Solo tienes que cabalgarme.

…

layla_s

(merodeadores muertos, discuten des del "cielo" o algo así). Lily dice que entre Harry y Draco hay tensión sexual, James y Sirius afirman que eso es imposible y asqueroso, Remus intenta no opinar a pesar de estra de acuerdo con Lily, mientras Dumbledore intenta meter baza y Snape no quiere oír ni una palabra. Evidentemente, algo demsotrará que Lily tenía razón. (535)

…

Estaba en el infierno.

Definitivamente tenía que ser el infierno, y aunque sabía que acciones en concreto le habían llevado a un círculo demasiado horrible para ser descrito siquiera por Dante, Snape estaba convencido que ni él se merecía tal castigo.

- Os lo he dicho varias veces, esas miradas no son nada casuales, - Lily, la bella e inaccesible Lily Potter, dijo desde apenas un metro de distancia. - ¿Verdad Severus?

Si fuese solo por ella, Snape hubiese estado en el cielo. Desgraciadamente, también a menos de un metro de distancia se encontraban los individuos que tenían el don de convertir cualquier lugar en el más profundo averno.

- ¡Lily! - James Potter exclamó asqueado, sus mejillas sonrosadas de indignación. - ¿Cómo puedes decir eso de tu propio hijo?
- ¡Eso Lily! ¿Es tu hijo, como puedes querer verle con ese… ese… ese Slytherin? - Sirius Black agregó lanzando una mirada venenosa a Snape como si este tuviese la culpa también de esto. Snape evitó la tentación de poner los ojos en blanco y le devolvió la mirada con una sonrisa sarcástica. Black aparto la vista sonrojado. - ¡Díselo tu, Remus!
- A mi no me metas en esto, - el cobarde de Lupin se alejó del grupo, no sin antes mirar por ultima vez la escena que todos estaban contemplando, una sonrisa adornando sus labios.

Desde la iridiscente superficie del lago Snape podía ver, junto con todos los demás, lo que sucedía en la tierra. Era algo que hacían habitualmente para matar las tediosas horas del mas allá. La escena que contemplaban en esta ocasión no era muy diferente de otras, Harry Potter y Draco Malfoy volvían a pelearse por algo. Por cualquier cosa. O por nada en absoluto.

Desde que regresasen a Hogwarts para terminar el último año, Potter y Malfoy habían pasado más tiempo juntos en castigos y denticiones varias por pelear que los seis años anteriores juntos.

Realmente era muy obvio.

- Os lo estoy diciendo, si Harry es feliz…
- Mi hijo no es…
- Mi ahijado nunca…
- ¡Oh, por favor, como si tu nunca hubieses…!
- ¡Arrgg Lily! Hay cosas de Sirius que no…
- ¡Calla traidora!

Snape ignoró con la facilidad de daba la practica las voces a su alrededor, incluyendo a Albus, a quien parecía estaban ignorando todos a pesar que nunca lo habían hecho en vida.

En la tierra, Potter tenia a Malfoy contra una pared, gritando en su cara. Malfoy se iba poniendo mas y mas rojo, claro signo de que estaba perdiendo la paciencia, y se inclinaba…

- ¡Ja! - exclamó Lily triunfante. - ¿Veis?

Snape miró la escena en la tierra, que realmente no era nada sorprendente para quien hubiese pasado más de dos minutos en compañía de los niñatos, y devolvió su atención a la gente que le rodeaba. Lily sonreía brillantemente, lanzado miradas de complicidad a Snape mientras Potter y Black gemían miserablemente y hacían todo lo posible por no mirar.

Snape se permitió una pequeña sonrisa.

Después de todo, quizás no estaba en el infierno; si tenia la oportunidad de ver a Black y Potter sufrir mientras Lily le sonreía, era muy posible que estuviese en el cielo.

…

le_mousquetaire

Aziraphale recibe un ultimatum de allá arriba sobre su estadía en la Tierra. Una ultima noche, su despedida de Crowley (730)

…

Aziraphale miró por última vez su tienda, cubierta de polvo y libros apilados, las ventanas oscurecidas haciéndola aun menos atractiva a los posibles compradores, y suspiró. La iba a echar de menos.

Había muchas cosas que iba a echar de menos una vez hubiese vuelto al cielo, pero admitir que extrañaría su tienda y sus libros era mas fácil que admitir otras cosas.

Frente a la puerta de su tienda aparcó un Bentley negro, reluciente y nuevo a pesar de la edad, y completamente fuera de lugar en el sitio. Del lado del conductor salió un hombre joven y atractivo, elegantemente vestido y con los ojos cubiertos por unas gafas de sol a pesar de ser ya de noche. Él estaba tan fuera de lugar junto a Aziraphale como su coche lo estaba en esa calle.

- ¿Nos vamos, Ángel? - dijo, una nota de impaciencia en su voz.

Aziraphale asintió y se subió al coche, su mente tratando de buscar una forma de explicar que era seria, probablemente, la ultima cena que disfrutarían juntos. Sus superiores no encontraban motivo para su presencia en la tierra, y aparentemente había confraternizado demasiado con el enemigo para que le dejasen estar.

La cena transcurrió como las miles de cenas que habían compartido anteriormente: buena comida, vino excelente y la mejor conversación. Aziraphale quería continuar hablando y hablando mientras bebían el fantástico vino y él memorizaba cada pequeño gesto que hacia Crowley. No que se no se los supiese ya de memoria. Lamentablemente, no podían quedarse para siempre en el Ritz.

- ¿Estas bien, Ángel? - preguntó Crowley una vez se hallaban los dos en el coche de vuelta a la tienda de Aziraphale. - te noto algo extraño esta noche.
- Si, si, perfectamente, - se apresuró a decir, prácticamente atropellándose con las palabras. - Es que he recibido noticias de arriba…

Lo dejo caer con suavidad, preguntándose hasta que punto podía salirse con la suya ocultándole la verdad a Crowley. Si había alguien que sabia leerle, ese era él.

- Ya decía yo que parecías preocupado hoy, - dijo Crowley con fingida calma. Aziraphale también era experto en leer sus gestos, y la forma en que sus manos se tensaron sobre el volante decía lo suficiente.
- No es nada, - dijo finalmente, decidiendo que una media verdad era mejor que preocupar también a Crowley. - ¿Tu no has sabido nada de abajo, verdad?
- No, por suerte me dejan en paz.

Realizaron en silencio el resto del camino, Aziraphale preguntándose como decir adiós sin que sonase a despedida y Crowley aparentemente perdido también en sus pensamientos.

- ¿La semana que viene a la misma hora? - preguntó Crowley cuando se bajaron del coche. Aziraphale ya tenia abierta la puerta de la tienda y se detuvo para volverse, Crowley examinándole intensamente.

Era la hora de la verdad, la despedida. Podía mentir y decir que si, y ahorrarse el mal trago de la despedida. Pero no podía hacerlo.

- No.

Crowley asintió como si no el sorprendiese, y se acercó a él hasta que estaban casi tocándose. Aziraphale se encontró inclinándose más hacia su más antiguo enemigo, sus rostros apenas a unos milímetros de distancia, sus ojos buscando los de Crowley detrás de las gafas. Como si intuyese lo que Aziraphale necesitaba, Crowley se quito las gafas de sol y se miraron durante unos interminables segundos.

Si, se habían acercado demasiado. Aziraphale podía verlo perfectamente ahora, sentirlo en cada nervio de su cuerpo. Y no quería irse. Iba a echar de menos sus libros y su tienda, pero eso no era nada comparado con el dolor casi físico que la idea de dejar a Crowley le hacia sentir.

Pero se habían acercado demasiado, y si tenía alguna esperanza de que le permitiesen regresar un día, tenia que alejarse.

Con un gran esfuerzo, Aziraphale se separó de Crowley.

- ¿Volverás?- preguntó este, poniéndose de nuevo las gafas pero no lo suficientemente rápido para esconder una mirada de decepción.
- Espero que si.

Crowley asintió y se dio media vuelta. - Búscame entonces. Estaré donde siempre.

Aziraphale le vio irse, luchando contra el impulso de llamarle y acercase aun más a él. Pero no podía. Seguiría sus ordenes, y una vez allí haría todo lo posible por que le volviesen a asignar en su puesto.

Costase lo que costase.

Crowley le estaba esperando.

…

Naruto fic: Games

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 23:39:25 GMT

Title: Games
Author: aviss
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka
Rating: R
Warning: Infidelity
Summary: Some days he can't look at himself in the mirror.
Word count: ~500
Notes: Written for kakairu_kink, for the request "Infidelity". It turned out darker and sicker than I intended.

Games

Some days he can't look at himself in the mirror.

Iruka knows what he's doing it's wrong, but somehow there is no way to stop it, no way to avoid it. It's wrong, and it's painful, and it's breaking Yuki's heart. What's worse, it's breaking his own.

And still he does it, because it's wrong, and painful, and the best fucking thing that's ever happened to him.

And the worst.

"Iruka, you're far away from here," Yuki says, her soft voice sad and not accusing in the least.

She knows what's going on; she knows what he does on the days he's not really there, but she keeps on pretending things are the way they should be.

It makes Iruka feel worse.

"Sorry Yuki-chan, long day at the Academy," he says, trying a smile. It feels fake and stiff on his face, and the way Yuki looks at him tells him he's not fooling anyone.

She looks at the time and stands up, depositing a soft kiss on his lips. "I'll let you rest then," she smiles at him, and there is so much pain and pity in it Iruka feels like screaming. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He follows her to the door and closes it after her, knowing it will take for her five minutes to reach the corner to Ichiraku, and then five more until he gets there.

Iruka is ready for him when Kakashi arrives, no words of greeting are spoken before Kakashi has him against the wall, mouth hot and hard over Iruka's while his hands get rid of their clothes.

Iruka sighs, and groans, and arches into the touch, wanting more, needing more. He always wants more.

"You smell like her," Kakashi says against his throat, and his touch turns punishing, his kiss devouring. It's frantic and slightly painful from there, as if Kakashi wants to erase all traces of Yuki from Iruka's skin.

He knows that's not true, but he still chooses to believe so.

It's over sooner than Iruka likes, and Kakashi leaves immediately afterwards.

Iruka goes straight to the shower, avoiding his own reflection on the mirror, and tries to scrub Kakashi's smell off him, clean his touch and his kisses and his presence from his body.

It's useless, and he knows it.

Kakashi will stay for as long as Yuki does, not one day longer.

It's wrong, and it's painful. As it was with Reina, and with Mako before her. As it will be with the next one, when Yuki decides she's had enough of them and their sick games.

Some days Iruka hates himself so much he can't stand his reflection in the mirror.

He hopes the day will come when he hates Kakashi as well.

He hopes for the day he will no longer play.

...

Naruto fic: Little White Lies

Fri, 16 Oct 2009 19:48:50 GMT

Title: Little White Lies
Author:aviss
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka,
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Drama, Angst
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Kishimoto.
Word Count: ~11.500
Summary: The worst lies are the ones we tell ourselves
Author Notes: Inspired by Warui Yume by Makoto Tateno.

Little White Lies

"Iruka-sensei, wait up!"

Iruka turned to look at Ryoko running after him, his lips curling into a smile and butterflies fluttering in his stomach. It was strange, lately every time he was with Ryoko he felt like a teenager with a crush, which was incredibly stupid.

"Are you going back home already?" he asked when she caught up with him, both of them walking toward the east of the village, where their residences were located.

"Yes, I felt like today wasn't going to end" she sighed, rolling her eyes. "And I still have to grade some papers."

Iruka chuckled, looking down at his full hands. "I think I know what you mean, what with the chuunin exams and the end of the term so close. Sometimes I feel like I should give them a day off just so I could have one myself."

She laughed, pushing against his shoulder with hers and Iruka felt a tingling spreading where their bodies touched. He frowned for a second. When the last time he had felt like that was? Right, when Kakashi started courting him. It felt like aeons ago.

Kakashi. The thought of his lover waiting for him at home gave him pause. Why was he feeling like that towards Ryoko when he had Kakashi at home? It wasn't right.

He made the rest of the way in silence, lost deep in his thoughts and only participating in the conversation when Ryoko pulled him in repeatedly. He was divided, concerned at what he was realizing just now and also cursing himself for wasting such a good opportunity to chat with her.

They parted ways after a few minutes of awkward silence, Ryoko finally falling silent though the smile on her face never dimmed a lit.

Still thinking about it, Iruka opened the door to his home and went into the living room. Kakashi was sitting on the couch, as Iruka already knew he would be. He was dressed in only a pair of loose pant and the black fabric he used to cover his Sharingan when he was home. Iruka stared at him intently, willing the butterflies to return to his stomach.

No, they were gone.

"Hey Kakashi," he said replacing the frown on his face with a smile which felt fake and stiff. He was feeling strange but didn't want Kakashi to notice anything amiss.

"Yo Iruka, how was your day?" Kakashi said looking up from his book with a smile.

Iruka sighed tiredly, walking toward the couch and dumping the pile of scrolls on top of the small table. He approached Kakashi and deposited a chaste kiss on his lips, pulling apart almost immediately. "Long."

Kakashi laughed, which was weird. Not that Kakashi never laughed, but usually when Iruka tried to get away with a kiss like that one Kakashi would grab him and demand a real kiss. Or just pout like a five year old. But that was before, how long had it been since Kakashi acted like that?

Iruka couldn't remember.

"Aren't you going to ask me about mine?" Kakashi said teasingly and Iruka let out a chuckle.

"I don't need to. I know exactly how you spent your day," he said flopping down on the other side of the couch and smirking at Kakashi.

"You do? Do tell."

"I saw Gai crying Manly Tears of Joy on my way back home, and he had a big bruise on his face. Your hair is still a bit wet, and you have a little, very little, cut on your right arm," he said, enjoying the way Kakashi's superior smile vanished. "Which means he challenged you the moment I left home this morning, and it was a physical challenge. In spite of Tsunade-sama forbidding you to exert yourself for another week."

Now Kakashi pouted. "But I won."

Iruka stood up. "So you will be asking for another mission tomorrow, I can already tell." He went to the kitchen and started preparing dinner, his mind still going back to his previous worries.

He had not felt butterflies or the sense of excitement he had before when he arrived home, and what worried him most was that he couldn't remember the last time he had. His life was comfortable, and Kakashi was a welcome and cherished presence in it. But he wasn't sure anymore what that meant.

He was still lost in his thoughts while they ate, the conversation stilted and slightly awkward. Iruka kept wondering what everything meant, and what his feelings were.

"God, I feel tempted not to assign homework for a month just so I don't have to grade it," he said sitting down on is favourite spot and grabbing the first scroll, his mind divided between the task at hand and Kakashi.

Somewhere between the tenth and the eleventh scroll the answer came to him.

Before he could think twice about it, Iruka opened his mouth and let the words slip.

"Kakashi, I've been thinking we should break up."

…

"Kakashi, I've been thinking we should break up."

Kakashi looked up from the book he wasn't really reading at those words and stared at Iruka's serious face. He blinked slowly, trying to make sense of the words he had just heard.

"Hn?" He asked unintelligently, closing the book and putting it next to his leg on the couch.

Iruka was sitting on the other couch, a stack of scrolls strewn around him and a red ballpoint pen in his hand. One of the scrolls was open on top of his legs, which were resting on the small table in front of him. He had been studying Kakashi intently while he pretended to mark the essays, and Kakashi had pretended not to notice while he read his book. Not that he needed to actually pay attention to the book in his hands, he had read it close to a million times and he already knew the words by heart.

"You know, we've been acting like an old married couple for a while already and it's made me think," Iruka explained softly, as if he wasn't sure how Kakashi was going to react. It was easy to understand why; Kakashi had no idea how he was going to react. He didn't even understand yet what he was going to react to. He was sure he didn't like it, though. "How long have we been together?"

"Five years in this house," Kakashi answered because it looked like it was expected of him and it was an easy one. He could add months and days, and if he thought hard about it, he could probably calculate minutes and seconds too.

Somehow giving that much information seemed inappropriate right now.

"And a couple more before that," Iruka added, nodding mostly to himself. "And when was the last time we made love?"

He had to think a bit more about that one.

"Three weeks ago," Kakashi said. But it wasn't his fault, he wasn't as young anymore and recuperating after an S-class mission and chakra depletion took longer these days. Not to mention the fact that Iruka was so busy preparing for the upcoming Chuunin exams they barely saw each other, and when they did Iruka was usually so exhausted he just fell asleep on the bed.

"You remember when we started going out? You couldn't keep your hands to yourself for even five seconds."

He remembered. Sometimes he still felt the same, but he was older and wiser, and knew Iruka wasn't going anywhere and that he didn't appreciate being groped in public. So he had learned some self control thinking it would be appreciated.

Obviously he had been wrong, and not only about that. It seemed Iruka was going somewhere.

Or maybe he was.

"And also, when you left for a mission I couldn't sleep at all, I would be so worried all the time. There was that one time Tsunade-sama had to knock me out because I'd been driving her insane and not eating or sleeping."

Kakashi wanted to make Iruka stop talking. Wanted to shout at him and force him to shut up because he knew what was coming. He had not misheard anything; Iruka was breaking up with him.

He couldn't open his mouth, the only thing he could do was to school his features not to betray the shock and the hurt and hope for the speech to be over so he could leave and lick his wounds somewhere else.

"It's faded now. This last time I slept like a baby, I knew you were coming back home in one piece, but if you didn't--" Kakashi felt the breath stuck on his throat, his heart stopping in his chest. He knew Iruka wasn't being deliberately hurtful; he was just being his dense, painfully honest self. But it was breaking Kakashi's heart, and it fucking hurt. He wanted him to stop. "Don't get me wrong, Kakashi," Iruka said hurriedly, as if reading the shock and the pain in Kakashi's face. Times like this he really missed his mask. "I miss you when you're not here, and it would hurt me deeply were something to happen to you. But it wouldn't break me, not anymore. And I've been wondering what it meant."

Kakashi knew what it meant, unfortunately. He hadn't known Iruka felt like that, but he sure as hell knew the meaning of it. It didn't make it easier to hear it.

"And I realized the other day when we were out with Naruto and Hinata and those girls were flirting with you. I didn't get jealous at all, and I used to be so jealous--"

"So, you're saying you don't love me anymore," Kakashi said, his voice coming out surprisingly normal. There was no accusation or surprise in his voice, not even a hint of pain. It was just the statement of a fact.

Iruka sighed. "Don't be ridiculous Kakashi, of course I love you," Iruka said staring at him as if he was an idiot. As if the last five minutes had not happened. Kakashi dared to hope for a brief instant, until the next words killed the unborn feeling leaving him hollow inside. "You are my best friend and I will always love you. But I think we're not in love anymore. And if you think about it, you'll realize it's true."

No. It wasn't.

It was bad enough that Iruka was breaking up with him; he was also denying Kakashi's feelings. He frowned, opening his mouth to protest. He closed it again when he realized it wasn't going to make Iruka change his heart.

"We've been treating each other like friends lately, almost like brothers, so I think it's better to make it official."

That was it. It was over.

And there was nothing he could do about it, not if Iruka wasn't in love anymore.

"You want me to move out?" Were the only words he managed to say after a few minutes of silence. Neither of them had moved or stopped staring at each other the whole time, the very house holding its breath waiting for something to happen.

Iruka stood up at that, "No!" he gasped, "Of course not. This is your house as much as mine. We can keep living together, there are more than enough spare rooms since Naruto moved out for us to share the house."

There were times Kakashi really hated Iruka. This was one of them. But there was no way he'd leave if he wasn't being kicked out of his home.

"Ok, I'll move my things to the other room tomorrow morning; I'm too tired now," Kakashi said, grabbing his book from the couch and opening it again. He couldn't see any of the words printed in it, but it gave him something to look at that wasn't Iruka.

That way he could at least retain some of his dignity.

He heard Iruka sigh, as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. "You're ok with this, Kakashi?" Iruka asked almost hesitantly, which didn't fit at all with the terrible things he had just said.

And no, Kakashi wasn't ok with it. Wasn't ok at all.

But if Iruka didn't want to be in a relationship with him anymore and just wanted them to be friends, then he'd have to settle with that.

He was used to loss and heartbreak, and this was better than nothing.

"Yes, why wouldn't I be?" He asked, keeping his voice as normal as possible.

Another relieved sigh. "I thought, for a moment, I was wrong about it and I was hurting you."

You were.

"Nah, don't worry. You're right; we've turned into an old couple too comfortable with each other to change things. But it's a bit awkward," he laughed and he was surprised it didn't come out brittle and pained. He was also surprised Iruka wasn't able to read him like and open book; he used to be able to, and the fact that Kakashi was fooling him now spoke about his change of feelings more than all his previous words.

Iruka laughed as well. "Oh yes, I guess it is. But I'm glad you took it well, I don't want to lose you as a friend." He gave Kakashi one of his blinding smiles and he realized he hadn't seen one in a long time.

He returned it, forcing his frozen muscles to move only with the promise to give himself the time to break down completely after Iruka had gone to sleep.

They stayed like that for what felt like an eternity, Kakashi staring at the blurred pages of his book and remembering to turn them from time to time, keeping the pretence of reading. Iruka was marking his scrolls, muttering amused or outraged or just plain shocked at what he read.

It was all heartbreakingly normal.

"God, I'm so tired," Iruka said finally, standing up and putting aside the last of the scrolls. He stretched and rotated his head, like he always did after long hours of marking. "I'm going to bed, I'm beat," he approached Kakashi and deposited a chaste kiss on his cheek. "Thanks for being the best friend in the world," he said with a tired smile.

Kakashi waited until the door to his former bedroom was closed and then sighed, touching his cheek where Iruka had kissed him lightly.

If this was a nightmare he wanted to wake up, and wake up now.

…

The shock and confusion faded in the morning, and Kakashi did break then.

But that was ok because Iruka wasn't around to see it.

…

"Fuck, Kakashi-sensei, you look terrible!" Naruto greeted him with his usual lack of tact and complete lack of surprise when Kakashi appeared at his window in the afternoon.

He had been unable to stay at home for one minute more, especially knowing Iruka would be back after work and he'd need to pretend to be fine again. He just couldn't do it, not today.

"Naruto!" Hinata's voice rang loud and true from the kitchen, and Naruto smiled sheepishly, like he always did when Hinata scolded him. It was a scene Kakashi had seen a thousand times, its familiarity comforting and at the same time painful. Everything seemed to remind him now of what he didn't have anymore. "Don't stand there gaping, Naruto. Invite him in," she said appearing at the kitchen's door and shooting him a slight smile. A smile which disappeared immediately upon seeing Kakashi. "Oh, you don't look so good, Kakashi-sensei," she said, and that in Hinata-speak meant he really had to look like death warmed over. It was more or less how he felt.

"I know," he admitted, jumping in from the window and moving past a still frozen Naruto. "Can I stay here tonight?" He hoped they didn't have other plans since he'd already left a note for Iruka saying Naruto asked him for dinner.

There was a time they would go together everywhere, almost as if they were joined at the hip, and Naruto would complain loudly that he couldn't see one without the other. Thinking back, lately he used to go alone more often than not, and that should have clued him in before. When had Iruka stopped loving him?

"It has to be serious, then," Naruto said, his face losing its shocked expression to reveal only concern. "What have you done this time, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi smiled without humour. That question was so typical Naruto.

"Nothing."

"I don't believe you."

Kakashi snorted. "I wish I knew Naruto," he said seriously, "but I don't know what I did for Iruka to leave me, so there. I've done nothing."

Naruto plopped down ungracefully on his couch, staring at Kakashi with a disbelieving expression. "Fuck, you're serious? Iruka-sensei actually broke up with you?"

"Yes."

"Why--sorry, Kakashi sensei--I don't--" Hinata took the seat next to Naruto, staring at him worriedly.

"Apparently we're not in love anymore," he said, the words tasting sour in his mouth.

"That's bullshit!" Naruto shouted outraged, "Tell me what happened."

Kakashi did, knowing he was revealing more about himself than he cared to. But he needed to say it out loud, to confirm the truth of what had happened in the faces of those closest to him. The first step after denial was acceptance, and a sleepless night in denial had been enough for him.

"That's awful Kakashi-sensei," Hinata said, barely a whisper, when he had finally told everything he could stomach telling. She had changed in the past few years, most of them had. The painfully shy girl afraid to speak up had turned into a beautiful timid woman, but one who didn't fear making herself heard when it was necessary. Naruto had been a good influence for her.

It's difficult to have someone die for you and not love them a little. Naruto had said once when Kakashi asked what changed his feelings for Hinata. It's fucking impossible to love Hinata just a little, either you fall for her and fall hard, or you’re a stupid, heartless bastard. And, regardless of what I look like, I'm not stupid. Kakashi could now see how right Naruto had been.

"It's very cruel of Iruka-sensei to do something like that," Hinata continued, "I can't ima--Naruto, where are you going?"

Kakashi realized Naruto had stood up from the couch and was moving to the door, so wrapped up he was in his thoughts and Hinata's words he had not noticed before. He was slipping.

"To find Iruka-sensei and beat some sense into him!" Naruto exclaimed loudly, as if it was the most logical thing in the world. For him, it probably was.

"Naruto, you can't do that," Kakashi said, surprised again at how calm his voice was. Naruto looked like he was upset for both of them anyway, so it was good at least someone kept his head.

"Why not?"

"Iruka wasn't trying to be cruel, he said he still loves me, but as a friend," Kakashi continued, the words hurting him more than he would have anticipated. "And I kind of lied to him."

Naruto rounded up on him. "You told him you were fine with this, didn't you?" he asked suspiciously.

"Yes."

"Why, Kakashi-sensei?" Hinata asked softly, "we can see you're not. Why lie?"

He sighed. That was the question, wasn't it?

"If he doesn't want to be with me like that, there is nothing I can do to change his mind. I'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all." He shrugged; he would keep repeating those words to himself until he believed them.

"You're a fucking mess, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said plopping down on the couch next to Hinata again.

Kakashi snorted; a bitter, painful sound. "Don't I know that?"

"You're not going to start crying on us, are you?" the horror dripping from those words was more than enough to tear an amused chuckle from his lips.

"Naturo!" There was another kind of horror in Hinata's.

"No, I'm not," he laughed, still a bit pained but mostly amused. "I'm a grown man not a fifteen years old girl, Naruto. I can have my heart broken and keep my eyes dry at the same time."

Naruto smiled at him though his eyes were still serious. He had never reminded him of his father so much as in that moment. "Good, I don't want to think about all that snot clinging to your mask. Though you're free to cry if you remove it, of course."

"Naruto!"

"Wouldn't you want to see it?" Kakashi said, letting Naruto's attempts at lightening the mood pull him from the edge of depression.

"I'll start dinner," Hinata said standing up. He knew she was just giving them time to talk alone and was grateful for that.

"What are you going to do now, Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked, all humour gone from his face the moment his girlfriend stepped out of the room.

"I guess I'll get a mission in the morning, one which will take me a few days, and when I come back I'll be feeling more like myself." He had resisted saying if but Naruto heard it anyway.

He arched up and eyebrow at him.

That was what he'd been thinking in the morning. That maybe if he didn't come back from the mission wouldn't be so bad. It was the main reason he had gone to see Naruto, and from the way he was studying him, that fact must have been painfully obvious.

"I'll go with you; you're not taking any solo missions," Naruto said immediately.

"Naruto, I can take care of myself. You don't need to be there to make sure I don't get myself killed."

He was serious. He might have been feeling like that in the morning, but after seeing Naruto and Hinata he remembered there were people waiting for his return. Even if Iruka wasn't one of them.

Naruto smiled, and it had teeth in it. "I know. But you need me to be there to make sure I don't kill Iruka-sensei while you're gone."

…

Iruka was feeling strange.

He knew it was normal to feel strange and a bit awkward now things with Kakashi were officially over. Well, not exactly awkward. He might have if he had managed to catch more than a glimpse of Kakashi in the past few days, but he had not.

And that was what bothered him the most.

Since he arrived home the day after the break up to find a note saying he was a Naruto's, Iruka had been feeling strange. He had shrugged off the feeling, knowing the reason Kakashi had chosen to stay somewhere else that night.

He had to admit, thinking about it in the light of day, that keep on living with his ex really was uncomfortable.

He could deal with that, but then Kakashi had gone on a mission straight after that, leaving only another note for Iruka. And since then Iruka had been unable to sleep a wink. Which was ridiculous.

He had been sleeping just fine before, when they were still lovers, and Kakashi had left the village on missions. Maybe not at the beginning, but the past few years that terrible feeling of fear for Kakashi had vanished.

Now it was back with a vengeance. Iruka couldn't understand it.

That was the reason he was at the bar, having a drink with his colleagues at the Academy instead of going back to his empty house. It had been a long time since he went out with his colleagues; he usually preferred to spend his time with Kakashi at home.

Only he couldn't now, could he? Iruka frowned, an uncomfortable thought niggling at the back of his head.

"Iruka-sensei," Ryoko appeared by his side, a brightly coloured drink in her hand and a wide smile on her face. "You look lost in thought."

Iruka returned her smile, that odd feeling of butterflies in his stomach making itself known again.

"No, no, I was just--"

"Thinking?" she said teasingly.

Iruka laughed, tossing back his drink and letting the alcohol warm him up. "Yeah," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry, it's just that Kakashi's gone on a mission."

Her face fell a bit and Iruka blinked surprised.

"Oh yes, Kakashi-san. You're worried about him?" She sounded disappointed and Iruka hoped he wasn't reading in the situation more than it actually was there.

"Yes, well, he's my friend."

She looked at him with an arched eyebrow. "You friend?"

They had not told anyone except Naruto, who Iruka was sure Kakashi told when he stayed over, but it wasn't as if they intended to keep it a secret. They had just not seen the point announcing it, especially since it had been more like a transition to a different relationship than a break up.

He signalled for another drink and tossed it back as quickly as the previous one. "Yes, we're just friends now."

"Oh," was all Ryoko said to that.

And she didn't need to say more; the way she smiled up at him spoke volumes.

…

The mission had been one of the worst Kakashi remembered in the past years, even with Naruto by his side he'd had his doubts he would return to Konoha in one piece, though this time it seemed would by their enemies' stubbornness.

He was exhausted, mentally and physically, and wanted nothing more than to have a bath, some proper food and curl up next to Iruka until morning.

He knew the last one was definitely off the menu, but Kakashi hoped he could at least spend a few minutes with him. He really needed to see him and remind himself they were still together, after a fashion, and Iruka still cared.

The first thing he noticed when he opened the door where the shoes. There was another pair of shoes next to Iruka's. That wasn't a good sign.

The house was in darkness, the windows closed and most of the blinds as well. He could smell the alcohol and saw an empty bottle of sake on the floor, where it had probably fallen. Nobody had bothered to pick it up.

He heard the noise then. A high pitched giggle coming from Iruka's--his--bedroom. The voice belonged to a woman, that much Kakashi could tell. Next he heard Iruka's voice, also laughing.

Kakashi stood frozen in the middle of the living room, his blood turning to ice in his veins. It had been just five days since the break up, Iruka was certainly fast. He had known that would happen sooner or later, but he had hoped to have more time to get used to the new situation before having it rubbed on his face.

He heard a moan coming from the room and couldn't help himself. He fled.

Kakashi teleported straight into Naruto's living room, a startled Hinata pulling away from her boyfriend blushing deep red.

"I thought you were going home, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said disgruntled and, Kakashi could tell, a bit embarrassed.

"Iruka has company."

Naruto nodded, his mouth setting in a grim line. "I see."

And he did. Both of them did.

…

Iruka woke up with a bitch of a hangover and the feeling that something was wrong. Why had Kakashi let him drink so much? He grumbled sleepily and turned to give his lover a piece of his mind, it might be his day off but he still had thousands of things to do. There was no way he'd get anything done with that headache.

Iruka's hand moved to his companion's chest, the touch revealing soft skin where he had expected to find hard muscles.

The body next to his was definitely not Kakashi's.

That startled him completely awake, and all his memories returned to him. Ryoko mumbled something next to him and curled up against his body, a smile on her face.

Right. He had not intended to sleep with her the previous night, but he had been drinking perhaps more than was advisable, and after the past days worrying about Kakashi it had felt good being with her. Ryoko was pretty and nice, and she was fun.

He didn't regret it, though there was a nagging voice on the back of his mind telling him he should. He looked at her, the dim light filtering through the blinds giving her body a lovely golden shine. The butterflies were gone.

Iruka closed his eyes and sighed. It hadn't been a bad night, but didn't hold a candle to most of his nights with Kakashi. And he didn't know what he was doing comparing them now, or remembering him when he had a cute and naked woman next to him.

He was definitely strange. It was all because Kakashi had not returned from his mission and Iruka was worried. It had to be that.

It had to, because the alternative didn't bear thinking.

…

Kakashi looked at his empty glass and sighed.

He didn't want to go home. He didn't want to be at that bar, but he definitely didn't want to go home.

In the past month since the break up Kakashi had spent more time on missions or just sitting in a bar than in the past year, and it wasn't right. It was his home, and he had always felt comfortable in it. And he missed Iruka. But after the last time he had found Iruka with someone at home, he had been going less and less.

It was just painful.

He was beginning to wonder if he had not made a mistake pretending to be fine with everything. He had wanted to preserve their friendship and their closeness, to at least have part of what they had built together if he couldn't have it all. It had been naïve to believe that was possible.

The way things were going, Kakashi was either going to destroy himself or hate Iruka. Neither of the options seemed conductive with preserving a friendship. Maybe it was the moment to give himself the time and space to get over it.

"Hey Kakashi!" Genma's voice took him out of his musings and Kakashi looked up from his glass.

"Yo Genma."

"What are you doing here, Kakashi?" Genma said taking the empty sit next to him and signalling for a drink. "We've just come back from a mission; you should be home with your boyfriend."

Kakashi knew Genma meant not harm, but that was rubbing salt on the wound. "Don't have one," he said curtly. It didn't matter; sooner or later everyone was going to find out.

Genma blinked at him. "You're joking."

Kakashi didn't bother answering, just stared at him.

"You're not joking. Fuck. How? Why?" Had this been anyone else Kakashi would have just told the person to sod off and not pry into his business, but this was Genma, and even if he was a gossip half of the time and a jerk the other half, he was a friend.

"These things happen," Kakashi said shrugging.

"No. Not to you and Iruka," Genma said, not fooled in the slightest by Kakashi's façade. "Come on, you've been together for years, and you haven't so much looked at anyone else since you two started going out. And you used to sleep with everything that moved if it had the correct number of limbs. And Iruka was head over heels for you; he'd glare and threaten to anyone who just looked your way!"

Kakashi shrugged again and finished his drink. "Well, it has happened. We're ok, we're still friends." He hoped his words didn't sound as bitter as they tasted, but judging by Genma's expression, he was fooling no one.

"Oh, friends," Genma said taking a step towards Kakashi, his eyebrows climbing up his forehead and a dangerous glint in his eyes. "Let's finish this conversation at your home."

Genma didn't give Kakashi the chance to reply, he just grabbed him and teleported them to Kakashi's living room. Genma was one of the few people who could get away with that, which was exactly the reason he had done it, Kakashi knew. Anyone else would have received a kunai to the throat for prying and getting overly familiar.

"Genma--"

"Spill it," Genma said dropping on the couch. "I was wondering why the Hokage assigned us to be together in such easy missions lately, and why you spent more time with Naruto and Gai than you did with Iruka, and why Naruto asked me to keep and extra eye on you. Either you've done something really bad to Iruka, or he's going to have some serious explaining to do."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and sat next to him. He had forgotten how protective his friend was, and it was impossible Genma had failed to notice what was going on Kakashi's life, even if he didn't know the specifics.

"Nothing's happened, really," he said, keeping his voice as light as possible. "We just decided to call it off. It had gotten kind of boring, anyway."

Genma smiled brightly, and it had so many teeth in it Kakashi was tempted to run. "Oh well, if that's the case--" he said climbing on top of Kakashi and pulling down his mask in one swift move. Kakashi almost flinched, the impulse to shove Genma away from him almost overwhelming. "You won't mind me doing this."

Genma kissed him then and Kakashi stiffened, his blood frozen in his veins. He narrowed his eye and glared at Genma, who had his eyes opened and was glaring right back at him. It was ridiculous, honestly. Kakashi relaxed, chuckling a little and finally curling his arms around Genma's back.

"You're a bastard," Kakashi said amused. Genma was worried about him and had even resorted to that, though both of them were just friends, and that was what they would always be. But Kakashi's depression had to have been quite obvious for his friend to jump him.

Kakashi leaned forward and pressed his lips against Genma's, enjoying the way his friend recoiled. That was a game both of them could play.

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"You're not." Genma licked Kakashi's lips, almost managing to hide his annoyed expression. Almost.

"I will be." Kakashi responded with a sharp bite on Genma's lower lip, his look challenging.

He was having fun for the first time since the break up, and he wanted to know how far Genma was going to push for information. Both of them knew where the line was, it was just a question to see who would get there first.

Genma looked at him with a calculating expression. "Really?" he leaned forward, straddling his hips firmly and pressing him mouth against Kakashi's neck. "I don't believe you."

Kakashi bit back a laugh and a shudder when Genma's tongue licked a trail down his neck. Genma seemed determined to get the truth out of him. He opened his mouth to say something when the door opened, Iruka standing in the middle of the living room staring at them.

Suddenly all the amusement left Kakashi. He wanted to explain that things weren't the way they looked. Instead he just forced the smile to remain on his face.

He wasn't sure what words were escaping his lips, but Iruka's smile seemed as frozen on his face as Kakashi's was. He could feel Genma's eyes intent on his face, and knew there was going to be no hiding it from him anymore.

He didn't want to anyway.

He wanted out.

Genma followed Kakashi to his room, his act a lot more convincing than Kakashi's until the door was closed.

"Nothing, uh?" Genma said snidely once the two of them were alone. "You're perfectly fine, Hatake, I can see that."

Kakashi turned to look at him and this time didn't bother to put up any front or mask his feelings.

"No. It's not nothing," he finally admitted. "Iruka wanted to become friends again and I just didn't want to lose that on top of everything else, so I agreed."

Genma shook his head. "Well, I can see you're not fine. Anyone with eyes can fucking see you're not fine, except obviously Iruka," there was an animosity in Genma's voice that Kakashi had never heard directed to Iruka, who was also a friend of Genma's.

"I know."

"Have you told him?"

Kakashi shook his head. "No."

"Well, you're going to. Right now." Genma moved to the door.

Kakashi stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. "No, there's no need--"

Genma shook his grip and shot him a glare. "Kakashi, you're going to come with me and stay at my home for however long it takes for you to get over this," Genma's tone broke no argument and Kakashi knew he was going to do it. He actually wanted to, he was sick of pretending. "But first, you're going to talk to Iruka and tell him, so he knows what he's done. Or I will. And trust me I won't hold my tongue for his sake."

…

Kakashi was home when Iruka arrived, and he wasn't alone.

In the month since the change in their relationship Iruka had seen less of Kakashi that he'd have liked, but there was nothing he could do about it. Kakashi was always busy and had many friends, and now that he wasn't tied down to Iruka it was natural for him to be out and having fun.

It didn't make Iruka miss him any less, but it was the way things were, and besides, Iruka was also busy most of the time.

He realized that before they had to make a conscious effort for their schedules to match, and now they were just living together as friends, Kakashi didn't seem to think he needed to make that effort anymore.

It irked Iruka to no end.

"Hi Kakashi," he said entering the living room to find him sprawled lazily on the couch with a very entertained Genma on top of him. Iruka froze, blinking slowly at the image.

Kakashi was unmasked, his hands tangled in Genma long locks, his mouth curled in a smile while Genma, straddling his hips, licked a trail down his neck.

Iruka felt the bile rise to his throat.

"Oh Iruka," Kakashi said opening his eye and looking at him with something like surprise. "I wasn't expecting you back so soon, I thought you had shift at the mission desk." Kakashi gently removed his hands from Genma's hair and Genma from his lap. "Sorry for the show, we'll go to my room," he grinned sheepishly, though he didn't seem to be sorry at all.

Genma just shrugged and stood up, following Kakashi out of the living room with a friendly wave to Iruka.

It took Iruka a few seconds for his mind to process what he had just seen, a few more for his numb body to move to the recently vacated couch and fall on top of it.

Kakashi was with Genma, and he was about to have sex with him.

That was ok, Iruka himself had brought a couple of girls home and Kakashi had said nothing. They weren't a couple anymore, they were just friends. And friends didn't feel like their heart was splintering in a million shards because their friends were having sex in the other room.

He should be feeling happy for Kakashi, he was getting laid and Iruka had been wondering for the past month if he was really ok with the break up. Apparently he was.

And Iruka should be feeling happy for him, he shouldn't be feeling like--oh God, he was an idiot.

Iruka closed his eyes, squeezing them hard. He was a fucking moron.

What in seven hells had made him believe he wasn't in love with Kakashi anymore? How had he convinced himself of such foolishness?

He was very much in love with him, or he wouldn't be feeling like his heart was being ripped out of his chest right now. He remembered this particular feeling, it was the same one he had at the beginning of their relationship when Kakashi dared look at someone else. Or when he was late from a mission and Iruka feared he wouldn't see him again.

He stayed there, on the couch, with his eyes closed and his ears trying to pick any kind of sound from inside Kakashi's room. He desperately didn't want to hear, but at the same time he needed to. And he thought about what he'd done and what he'd said.

They had been together for a long time and it was normal, almost expected, for their passion to cool a bit, for their feelings to settle. It didn't mean they were gone, he was realizing just now. Of course he had not felt jealous lately when Kakashi talked to other people; he had not doubted Kakashi's love for him so he had not felt threatened.

He had known Kakashi was his.

As for his peace of mind when Kakashi was out on a mission, wasn't it him who had given Kakashi a reason to come back in one piece every single time? At the beginning he had been frantic because he had known of Kakashi's disregard for his own life, thinking he wouldn't be missed. It had taken ages for the stubborn bastard to be convinced that there was someone waiting who would be affected by his death.

And he had said--God, what a fucking mess. He remembered the words he had said to Kakashi. It wouldn't break me, not anymore. No wonder he had been so worried when Kakashi took a mission right after the break up.

Well, this time he had lost Kakashi. And it was entirely his fault.

He had told Kakashi they weren't in love anymore and ended their relationship. And Kakashi had been fine with it. He opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. Well, at least he had been right in half of his assumptions.

He needed to compose himself before Kakashi came out of the room; he couldn't let them see him like that.

Iruka had barely finished that thought when Kakashi's room door opened and Genma and Kakashi entered the living room. They didn't look like people who had just had sex, Genma was glaring daggers at Iruka and Kakashi looked--broken, there wasn't another word for it.

Iruka wondered what had happened.

"Kakashi?" he asked, concern and something else, something like guilt, swirling in his gut. He had a very bad feeling about this.

"I can't do this anymore Iruka," Kakashi said sadly. Genma approached him from behind and put a hand on his shoulder, still glaring darkly at Iruka, offering comfort. Iruka frowned, confused and hurt at their closeness. "I thought I could, but I can't."

"What--" he began, but he was interrupted by Kakashi's raised hand.

"No, let me--" Kakashi took a breath, as if visibly steeling himself. "I'm moving out. I'll be staying with Genma while I look for my own place." Iruka felt the bottom of his stomach dropping. No. They said they would keep living together as friends; now he realized what he had lost he didn't want to lose that as well. "You said you weren't in love with me, Iruka, and I respect that. Unfortunately you were wrong about my feelings. I was very much in love with you, I still am. And it's terribly painful having you here and not being allowed to touch you, seeing you with other people and having to force myself not to listen as you make love to them. I can't stand it anymore. I'm sorry I lied to you, but I guess I'm not ok with this."

Iruka just stared in horror at Kakashi, nausea roiling in his stomach at his words, unable to move or say anything. He just watched, completely frozen, as Genma shot a parting venomous look at him and jutsu-ed him and Kakashi out of there.

What have I done?

…

Iruka wasn't sure how he ended up knocking at Naruto's door.

After Kakashi and Genma had left Iruka stayed in the same place, rooted to the couch with a million unwanted thoughts and emotions swirling in his head. Kakashi's parting words were repeating themselves over and over in his head, each time more painful than the last.

I'm sorry I lied to you, but I guess I'm not ok with this.

He'd replayed that conversation in his head, this time with the knowledge of Kakashi's feelings in it, and had winced at the callousness and cruelty of his words. He'd just dropped on his unsuspecting partner that he wanted to break up a seven years relationship. Then, as if that wasn't cruel enough, had gone on explaining how they didn't have sex enough, how he didn't feel jealous anymore and didn't care if Kakashi died in a mission.

That last one alone was enough to make him feel like throwing up.

And to top it all he had denied Kakashi's feelings and then asked him to keep being his friend and living together.

He'd even thanked him for being the best friend in the world.

And that had only been the beginning.

Iruka didn't want to imagine how Kakashi had felt when he'd seen the girls Iruka brought back home. If it was just a part of what Iruka was feeling right now, it must have been hell.

And he'd endured it for a month.

Iruka felt wretched. He had been a right bastard.

He wanted to go back in time and make his past self shut the fuck up, never to open his mouth and destroy with his careless words everything they'd worked for in the past years.

And all for what? Just a quick tumble with a girl who'd made him feel special for a moment? Kakashi had always made him feel special, he'd just gotten so used to it he had taken it for granted.

But there was no way to turn back time; all that was left for him was to make amends.

"You've finally noticed, haven't you Iruka-sensei?" Were the first words out of Naruto's mouth when he opened the door. He was staring at Iruka with something he had not seen directed at him before, and he wondered how he had missed the anger in those eyes for the past month.

"Who is it Naruto?" Hinata's voice reached him from inside the house and she peered around Naruto to look at him, her soft expression hardening immediately. "Oh. Iruka-sensei." She put a hand on Naruto's shoulder and forced him to move from the door. "Please come in."

He did, following them inside the house in a daze.

"Why didn't anyone tell me?" Iruka asked when they were sitting down with a cup of tea in their hands. No words had been spoken while they waited for Hinata to come back with the drinks, Naruto just looking at him with an expression which
reminded him of Genma's.

"Kakashi-sensei asked us not to," Hinata answered his question. He had already imagined that much, but hearing it confirmed that way made the guilt already drowning him increase.

"He said that if you didn't love him there was nothing he could do," Naruto spat, his fierce protectiveness clear in his voice. It was funny how people assumed Naruto's father figure was Iruka. He was, in a sense. But it was Kakashi the one who had trained and lived with him in the field; it was Kakashi the one who had shaped his skills and part of his personality. Iruka didn't doubt Naruto's love for him, but he had never wanted to put it to the test against his love for Kakashi. "He said he'd rather have your friendship than nothing at all. And then you just kept rubbing it in his face. Bringing girls to his home and fucking them in his bed."

"Naruto!" Hinata shouted horrified.

"What? He's put Kakashi-sensei through hell," Naruto shouted hotly, still glaring at Iruka. Iruka had though it was impossible to feel worse than he had before. He'd been wrong. "And now he's left, you've just realized that maybe you do love him after all, haven't you Iruka-sensei?"

Iruka didn't need to answer, the guilt plainly written on his face more than enough confirmation.

"You--"

"Naruto!" Hinata snapped interrupting him, taking one of his hands between hers and squeezing. "Calm down, take a breath and think about what you're going to say. Remember who you're talking to."

Surprisingly, Naruto did exactly as Hinata said. "Iruka-sensei," he said after a few seconds, his voice and expression resembling more what Iruka was used to identify with him. "I'm sorry I shouted at you, she's right. You were the first person to ever acknowledge me, to care for me. And I love you. You will always be my friend. But so is Kakashi-sensei, and had he been the one to hurt you I'd be hunting him down to kick his ass, Sharingan genius or not. "

Iruka found a small smile in him for Naruto. "I know, and you're right. You have all the reason to be angry with me, and Kakashi as well--"

"He's not angry," Naturo cut him off.

"He should."

"He's not. He's hurt and depressed, but not angry."

Iruka though about it and knew Naruto was right. Kakashi had not said or done anything to imply he was, even moving out of his own home had been a way to protect himself from more hurt, not a way to punish Iruka. Funnily enough, knowing Kakashi wasn't blaming him only made him feel more guilt.

"I'm sorry, I've been very stupid," Iruka said looking down at his hands.

"Iruka-sensei, it's not us you should be saying that to," Hinata said softly.

Iruka looked up at that and saw all the coldness had left her face, she was looking at him with sympathy. "I know, but I can't face him. Not yet."

"Well, you better get ready to face him soon," Naruto said and Iruka was glad to see he didn't appear to be furious with him anymore. "If there is something Kakashi-sensei is good at is cutting his loses. It's already affecting his work so he's bound to snap out of it sooner rather than later. You want him back, you get your arse into gear or you'll find he's already over it."

Naruto was right, Kakashi would sooner rip out his own heart than let his feelings interfere with his work.

It still didn't make it easier to know what to do.

But he had to do something.

…

It was easier said than done, Iruka realized after a week of sleepless nights which amounted to nothing.

That wasn't the only thing he realized.

He couldn't believe how he had not seen it before, but though his and Kakashi's break up wasn't the latest piece of gossip, those in the know treated Iruka with a coldness he had not felt directed at him previously. Genma was openly hostile, though he was the only one.

Gai wasn't, but that was probably due more to his weird personality that anything else. But he didn't approach Iruka to talk to him anymore, and when he did, he didn't bother with long flowery speeches. For Gai, that was as close as it got to an insult.

There were other jounins who talked to him when he met them in the mission room, but they didn't stop him in the street anymore. Nor did they invite him out as they used to.

And he never, ever managed to find Kakashi alone. He knew he was staying with Genma, but until he knew how he was going to apologize, Iruka had no intentions to go there.

Also, a quick check through his file told him Kakashi wasn't taking any solo missions, which in a way, made him feel slightly better. Only he never handed his reports anymore, so there was no chance for Iruka to see him there.

It was all a big mess. One he had created himself.

And he needed to find a way to fix it before it was too late.

…

Kakashi entered the mission room after five minutes of hesitation at the door. He had been getting confused and sympathetic looks from the people milling about while he decided whether to step in or not, depending if they knew or not, and he had finally snapped out of it and opened the door.

He had to face Iruka sooner or later.

The first thing he noticed was that Iruka looked like hell. His skin had a greyish pallor and there were shadows under his eyes, his lips were pinched in an unhappy line and his entire body seemed taut with tension. He wondered what had happened to him and couldn't help the stab of worry he felt at the sight.

Iruka didn't look up until Kakashi was standing in front of him, deciding that if he was going to do this he might as well do it properly and talk to him as well as see him. "Hello Iruka," he said, and Iruka's head snapped up at his voice, his eyes widening and an expression of pain crossing his features.

Kakashi frowned.

"Hello Kakashi," Iruka said, his voice sad and low. "Back already from your mission?" He extended his arm to receive the scroll Kakashi was holding, opening it on top of the desk and quickly scanning its contents.

Kakashi forced a smile which felt more like a grimace. "Yes, it was an easy one," he said not elaborating. Iruka had the specifics on top of his desk if he cared to check them, and he was bound to notice he had been in a joint B-rank mission. It was a bit embarrassing to say the least.

"I expected Naruto to hand your report, you haven't been coming to the mission room lately," Iruka said and Kakashi was surprised that there was no recrimination in his voice, just guilt and an infinite sadness.

It had not escaped Iruka that he was being avoided.

"Well, I'm hoping they decide to take me off the suicide watch if I prove to them I'm fine," Kakashi said in as light a tone as he could manage when he realized the words which were escaping his lips. He could have kicked himself when he saw Iruka's reaction to them, the little colour he still had draining from his face.

"Suicide watch?" Iruka breathed, horrified. "Are you--"

Kakashi shrugged, still berating himself for saying something like that. He didn't want to appear weak in front of Iruka, not did he want him to worry about what he might do. He wasn't suicidal--he had just been dumped, nothing to kill himself about.

"Maa, just one of Naruto's stupid ideas. He convinced the Hokage I wasn't fit for solo missions for a while, in case I didn't come back. So far I've been forced to go with Naruto, Genma, Shikamaru and Gai; the last one alone was enough to make sure I really kill myself," he said, a lopsided smile on his masked lips. It was enough for Iruka, who sagged in his sit and seemed to relax again. "And how are you, Iruka," he asked seriously again, looking at Iruka in the eye. "You don't look good."

Iruka shrugged minutely, looking at his hands. "I've been better," he said, barely a whisper.

"What's wrong?" Kakashi asked concerned. Iruka wasn't supposed to look like that, it had been some time already and even Kakashi was looking and feeling better each day. It still hurt, and he missed Iruka terribly, but he was getting over it. Iruka had been over it from the beginning, which had been sort of the problem.

"When I was about nine or ten years old," Iruka began and Kakashi frowned at the non-sequitur. He leaned forward to listen anyway. "I saw the most beautiful pendant in a shop close to the Hokage tower. It was a unique pendant, made of glass and so delicate, it reflected every single colour in the spectrum and it had a very manly, fort a nine years old boy, leather cord. I remember I pestered my mother for weeks asking her to buy it for me."

There was a nostalgic smile on Iruka's face and Kakashi couldn't help but return it.

"We weren't rich. We weren't poor, but money wasn't something we were used to waste. The pendant was expensive, too expensive for a kid and way beyond our means. But I wanted it, though I knew it was too good for me."

Kakashi's frown deepened. Iruka wasn't talking just about a glass pendant, was he?

"So my mother bought it for me, she made it look as if it was nothing but even then I knew it had cost most of her savings to get such a birthday present for me. I loved that pendant like I'd never loved a thing before. I was the happiest boy in Konoha and refused to let go of it for even one second."

Out of the corner or his eyes Kakashi noticed Naruto entering the mission room and looking at them, a frown marring his usually sunny features. The rest of the people seemed to be hanging on to Iruka's every word, Kakashi wanted to get them away from the room but that would mean interrupting Iruka, and he couldn't do that.

"The first few weeks I would wear it under my clothes so nobody else could see it, I feared the other boys would look at it and say it didn't suit me at all. It was too good, too expensive for me. I would take it out and admire it when I was home, and I kept touching it to make sure it was really there. I remember my mom used to laugh and say it was the first time I'd been so happy with a present."

Naruto gestured to Genma and got a nod in reply, and both of them began herding the people out of the mission room. Kakashi felt a rush of gratefulness for having such good friends before returning his whole attention to Iruka, who seemed not to notice anything around him, lost in his memories.

"After a while I got used to it, and really believed it was mine and I deserved to have something so beautiful. I had it on me all the time, still admiring occasionally the beautiful way it reflected the light, but usually I just wore it over my clothes for everyone to see. I did for a couple of years, until I got so used to it I didn't even acknowledge the fact that it was still there."

Kakashi just listened to Iruka's words, his heart clenching painfully with a mixture of hope and sadness.

"I finally forgot it was there and it was the most beautiful thing I had. It had been close to my heart all those years and I didn't see it anymore. One day I was walking home after class and I saw something in a shop. It was a pendant, a cheap and cute thing that sparkled and caught my attention. It was nice and pretty, I'm not going to say it wasn't. It was plastic instead of glass, exactly what a boy like me could afford, so I entered the shop and bought it. I was so excited with it when I got home that I just rushed into my room and took off the other one, dropping it I don't know where, and not really caring."

Kakashi almost winced at that, feeling sympathy for that once-loved glass pendant now being carelessly discarded. He knew how that felt. Iruka smiled sadly at him, nodding a bit seeing Kakashi understood what he was telling him.

"For a while I was the happiest boy again, it felt strange to have something cheap and light on me, but it wasn't a bad feeling. And if I missed the weight of the glass I told myself I didn't, and thought no more of it."

The mission room was in complete silence, almost as if they were alone though Kakashi could feel Naruto's and Genma's presence close by.

"One day my mother asked me what had happened to her present, wondering if I didn't like it anymore. I said I did, but I liked the new one better. She looked at me disappointed, she said she knew I would find other things I liked sooner or later, but that she expected me to be more careful with it. It was precious and had been costly to obtain, she thought I would take better care of it. She had found it under my bed when she was cleaning, dusty and forgotten like so many other toys I outgrew with time. She had hoped I knew how especial this thing was but I was too young and selfish then to know." A wistful smile. "I don't seem to have changed much."

"You--" he tried, not knowing what to say but aching to relieve the hurt he could see in Iruka's face. Iruka shook his head, still smiling that sad, longing smile.

"I didn't know how precious it was, but she did. She started wearing the glass pendant and seeing it on her, I wanted it back. Suddenly the plastic one I bought was just a cheap thing next to the beautiful one I once had, but I didn't know how to ask for it again. She was right; I had been careless and lost something especial. Seeing it on her every day was hard, and the more I didn't have it the more I appreciated what I lost. But I still didn't know what to say to get it back."

There was a strangled noise and Kakashi realized it had come from him. He didn't want to hope, but every one of Iruka's words made him believe there was a reason to.

"What happened then, with the pendant?" He heard himself asking when the silence stretched.

"She was still wearing it that night," and there was no need to say which night he was talking about. "I had almost gathered the courage to tell her I wanted it back, and I decided I would when they came back from the fight. I didn't know, I couldn't know, I would never have that chance again."

Kakashi stood frozen, still staring at Iruka and waiting for something. He knew Iruka had told him that story for a reason, and it wasn't so difficult to imagine why.

"You asked what was wrong. There it is: I'm still not wiser than when I was twelve. I had something beautiful and precious, something I probably didn't deserve, and let it go. I had to see someone else touching what was mine to figure it out, and now I have no idea how to get it back. I'm just wondering, after what you just said, if it might be too late again when I finally gather my courage."

Kakashi saw how Iruka stared at him, his expression serious and a bit hopeful. The seconds stretched in silence and Kakashi still couldn't move. Part of him wanted to tell Iruka he could have his precious thing back, but he had been discarded once and he was wary. This time it might not have broken him completely, there was no telling what would do to him the next time Iruka changed his mind again.

"I guess I am too late already," Iruka muttered under his breath and stood up. "For what is worth, I'm sorry," he said circling the desk and moving past Kakashi towards the door.

Kakashi was still frozen on the spot, a thousand different thoughts swirling in his head. It was the sound of the door opening what snapped him out of it. "Iruka wait."

A heavy silence answered him and the door closed. Kakashi didn't turn around, just closed his eyes and hung his head, defeated. Maybe it was better that way.

"Yes?"

He opened his eyes again, still not turning around. "Maybe that glass pendant never wanted to be someone else's, just yours. Maybe, if it wasn't too late, it'd want to be back with you, against your skin, but it'd be wary. How long would it take for you to find plastic prettier again? Would it be forced to see you wearing something else sooner or later? Remember that glass might appear to be very hard, but it actually is very fragile, it might have survived being discarded once, a second time would shatter it."

The very room seemed to hold its breath at Kakashi's words, not just at his candid admission of his fear and hurt, but also waiting for Iruka's reaction. Kakashi was glad it was just them and Genma and Naruto still in the room or he wouldn't have been able to say it.

And it needed saying.

"I can't promise to never fall out of love with it," Iruka's voice was close, almost next to Kakashi. "But I can promise to treat it with care this time, never let it fall carelessly or forget its value. And I will never, ever, let it break."

Kakashi turned around at that, Iruka was standing right in front of him, his expression one of wonder and hope. Kakashi smiled at him.

"Iruka, I'm not even going to pretend I need to think about it," he said unable to keep the amusement off his voice. He was terribly amused at himself and how easy he was, but the truth was he wanted his relationship back and he wasn't going to risk it trying to salvage his pride. At least not risk much of it. "You know my answer is going to be yes, you can have your precious thing back." Iruka smiled at him and took a step closer, their bodies almost touching. Kakashi took a step back. "But you hurt me and I'm not ready to go back to the way things were."

Iruka nodded, looking determined and serious, his smile dimming a bit. Kakashi felt slightly bad for that. "I understand. What do you want me to do?"

"I'll be staying at Genma's for a little while." It didn't escape his notice the glare Iruka shot Genma at those words and he suppressed a chuckle at that. Iruka was jealous. Things were looking up again. "I can't just move back home if I want to take things slowly, and I want to take them slowly."

Another nod. "I see. I can't kiss you yet, then?" Iruka said and he sounded so disappointed Kakashi was about to say the hell with it and do it.

"No. But I'll let you hold my hand in our first date," he said, unable to resist teasing Iruka a bit now.

They stared at each other I silence and, suddenly, they burst out laughing, the last bit of tension vanishing from the room. He hadn't realized how much he'd missed the sound until just then.

"Fine, I'll pick you up tonight and treat you to dinner," Iruka said before turning to Naruto. "The show is over Naruto, I think we need to reopen the mission room before the Hokage breaks down the door wondering what's going on."

"Tsunade-baba helped me clear the room Iruka-sensei," Naruto said grinning and Iruka blushed. His expression turned serious again and he fixed Iruka with a glare. "Remember, last chance. Next time I'll kick your arse, regardless of what Kakashi-sensei says."

"I know. Now move it, I have to finish my work here quick if I want to go back home and get ready for my date tonight," he looked straight at Kakashi and smiled at him. "I have a very important date and I want it to be perfect."

Kakashi smiled back, feeling a rush of warmth healing all the hurt from the previous month.

Suddenly he couldn't wait for the night to come.

…

*Fin*

Naruto fic: Lust, Love and Everything in Between - Day 7 + Epiogue

Sun, 11 Oct 2009 18:23:26 GMT

Title: Lust, Love and Everything in Between - Day 7 + Epiogue
Author: aviss
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka
Rating: NC-17
Genre: romance, drama, humour, smut
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Kishimoto, not me.
Summary: An old tradition brings them together, it's up to them to stay that way. If they want to.
Word Count: ~3.800 this part, ~18.700 total
Author Notes: This fic is complete now.

Prologue
Day 1 - Just this
Day 2 - Unexpected
Day 3 - Sweet Torture
Day 4 - Uncomplicated
Day 5 - Missed Chances
Day 6 - Welcoming Arms

Day 7 - Even Good things Have to End

It was the seventh night; time had gone faster than Iruka liked.

Iruka looked at the darkening sky from his kitchen window, trying to distinguish the figures walking down the street and at the same time repeating himself he wasn't looking out for Kakashi.

He knew Kakashi was coming; there was no need to look for him.

He was certainly glad it had been his day off, the previous night's events still fresh in his mind and his body. It had been and odd night and slightly disquieting at the beginning, though it had definitely improved once Kakashi's senses had returned. And Iruka was glad to realize Kakashi could take his deserved punishment like a man. He had definitely enjoyed it once Iruka had assured him his mask was not going to be removed at any given time.

Kakashi might not have realized it, but the trust he seemed to have in Iruka was a far cry for the first day. Still, Iruka didn't want to raise his hopes, whatever happened it would be decided tonight.

A knock on his door startled him out of his thoughts, and he hurried to open it, knowing already who was on the other side.

"Yo, Iruka," Kakashi said smiling and he couldn't help but return it.

"Hey," he moved to let Kakashi pass and looked pointedly his empty hands. "No sake tonight? You're getting sloppy."

Kakashi laughed, shrugging. "Well, I like drinking with you," he said, stopping to stare at him with mischief and desire shining in his one uncovered eye. "But it's the last night, so I won't waste any time going straight to my favourite part."

Iruka was with his back to the door and his eyes closed before the last word had left Kakashi's lips, tasting it in his mouth as the same time he heard it. He had to agree with Kakashi, he thought winding his arms around the other's shoulders and pressing him against his body, but he had a better location in mind than the door.

Sometimes teleportation jutsus were just the way to do it.

They fell on the bed together, their hands tearing clothes eagerly in the darkness. Iruka had the presence of mind to get the room ready for when Kakashi arrived anticipating the fact that one was bound to jump the other the moment the door was closed.

Both of them were conscious that might be their last time, and were going to enjoy it as much as they could.

Kakashi's mouth and hands were everywhere, trying to taste and touch every single inch of Iruka's skin at the same time. Iruka wasn't still either, entwining their legs and pressing against Kakashi, almost as if he was trying to merge their bodies together.

"Are you still sore from last night?" Kakashi's voice whispered against Iruka's ear, one of his hands tracing slowly moving patterns on his hip.

He was.

"Yes," he hissed when the mouth closed on his earlobe, biting sharply. "But that might change depending on how good you are tonight."

Kakashi chuckled, the shudder coursing his body making Iruka's shiver in sympathy.

"I'll promise you I'll be very good."

And he was.

The past few days had not prepared Iruka for what it meant to have Kakashi devoting him his entire attention. It felt almost as if Kakashi was everywhere, all hands and mouth and hot breaths and warm tongue. There wasn't a place he didn't touch or lick or bit until Iruka though he was going to die if he didn't come.

It had never been that intense before, not even the kinky play they had both enjoyed so much. With a jolt, Iruka realized Kakashi wasn't just fucking him or being good. Kakashi was making love to him, even if Kakashi himself didn't realize it.

That thought alone brought him closer to the edge.

Maybe there was still some hope.

Unable to resist himself, Iruka grabbed the spiky hair and pulled Kakashi's head up, capturing his lips and kissing him deeply. He pushed his hips up, grounding his pelvis against Kakashi's and relishing the gasp he got in return. He swallowed it, twisting under Kakashi until their positions were reversed.

He proceeded then to return the favour, mapping Kakashi's body with his fingers and lips, tracing old scars with his tongue and drinking in the sighs and moans he was tearing from Kakashi's throat.

He didn't complain when Kakashi, true to his name, copied his move and reversed their positions again, climbing immediately on top of Iruka's body. He heard the telltale clink of crystal next to the bed, and felt the change in Kakashi's breathing, one of those skilled hands disappearing from his body. His mind supplied him with plenty of images of what he knew was happening but couldn't see, none of them helping him to keep calm.

Finally, after what felt an eternity of kisses and expectation, Iruka felt Kakashi moving on top of him, positioning himself and slowly taking him in. Iruka's breathing got stuck on his throat, the feeling of Kakashi on top of him and all around him too much to bear.

This was going to be embarrassingly short.

He managed to hold out for a few minutes, Kakashi setting the pace slow and deliberate, but still too much, too good. Iruka put his hands on Kakashi's shoulders and pulled himself up, his chest pressed against Kakashi's, his hands encircling his neck while he pushed his hips up, going deeper.

"Shit, Iruka," Kakashi breathed against his neck, shuddering and constricting around him.

They strayed like that, the tremors being passed from body to body while they moved in tiny, minute thrusts which somehow were way better than any sex they had before.

Finally it was too much to bear; Iruka kissed Kakashi's mouth, tongue invading it immediately while his hands tried to gorge Kakashi's back, his orgasm overwhelming in its intensity.

"Damn, that was--" Kakashi whispered, awe and desire clear in his voice.

"I know," Iruka agreed. They were still joined, and he could feel his arousal returning. "You've been very good," he said, pushing his hips up a bit and feeling Kakashi's cock stiffening against his belly. "I think I'm not sore anymore."

Against his neck, Kakashi smiled.

…

Kakashi opened his eye slowly, tiny slivers of sunlight illuminating the room through the small openings in the blinds.

It was morning already and he had just spent his first night at Iruka's.

His last as well, the week was over.

He didn't want it to be.

It wasn't so surprising to realize he really didn't want to completely wake up and say goodbye to Iruka, go back to his life the way it had been before. And maybe he didn't need to; Iruka had said he wanted them to be friends.

Friends would see each other when they had time. Friends shared dinners and drinks and laughs, everything he had been doing with Iruka. Friends sometimes fell into bed together and had great sex without entanglements or hurt feelings.

And he was sure Iruka would have nothing against that arrangement. They could keep a sex friends relationship like the week they just had, it wouldn't be too hard for them. If there was something Kakashi was sure was that he and Iruka had become friends, and they were also compatible in bed.

With a smile, he leaned forward and kissed the still sleeping Iruka.

"Is it morning already?" Iruka said, opening bleary eyes and blinking rapidly.

"Yes," Kakashi said, leaning back against the headboard waiting for Iruka to fully wake up.

He knew he had to leave for a mission in a couple of hours, and Iruka had to go to work, but he wanted to talk to him first. Have this thing out in the open so he'd know he was welcome in Iruka's bed when he returned.

"Iruka, I've been thinking--"

"It's too early for this, Kakashi," Iruka grumbled sleepily, turning his back to Kakashi and snuggling under the sheets. Kakashi smiled amused.

"Iruka I have to leave soon," he tried again.

"Leave then and let me sleep."

Ok, someone clearly wasn't a morning person. It was almost adorable, and it made Kakashi feel even more convinced that he wanted to see this side of Iruka again.

"Iruka, the week is up," he said softly.

"Oh," that got a response and Iruka turned around and sat up, staring at Kakashi in the semi-darkness. "This is goodbye then."

Kakashi shook his head. "You said we would be friends, and I think we are."

Iruka smiled, something like relief in his eyes. "Yes, we are friends." There was something else Kakashi couldn't identify in his voice and look, but it was too early to try to analyze it.

"Iruka, this week has been much better than I had expected," Kakashi began looking at Iruka intently, "and I don't want it to be over." There, a slow smile was spreading on Iruka's face, his expressive eyes showing hope and many other emotions Kakashi was ill equipped to read. "We have fun together, and surprisingly enough we get along very well. I want to keep doing that, being friends, having fun, and maybe have sex when we feel like it--" Kakashi trailed off at the way Iruka's smile vanished from his face, his expression shuttering immediately.

"No," Iruka said.

"What?"

What the hell?

"I said no, I won't do that," Iruka repeated, all the sleepiness gone from his voice and face, a hint of steel underneath the words.

"You said--" Kakashi began, feeling annoyed and slightly hurt.

"I know what I said, and I mean it," Iruka sighed, his expression softening, "I want us to be friends, Kakashi. The kind of friends who spend time together and talk about everything and anything. Nothing more."

He didn't understand it. They'd already done everything that could be done between two consenting adults, and some things he had not even read in his books. Why would Iruka want to deny himself that kind of pleasure?

"I don't get you."

"Yes you do."

"No," he really didn't.

"Kakashi, you can't have failed to notice," Iruka began and the sighed, "scratch that, you can. Genius you may be, but you are a complete moron when it comes to feelings."

Kakashi didn't like the sound of that.

Iruka looked up as if asking for something; patience, inspiration, just something. Kakashi stared at him knowing he wasn't finished.

"I'm in love with you," Iruka said simply and Kakashi flinched at the words. No fucking way.

"But--" he began to protest and stopped when he realized that whatever he said, he had no control over Iruka's feeling. If Iruka said he was in love with him, then Kakashi wasn't in any position to deny it. Unfortunately he wasn't in a position to reciprocate it either, the mere mention of the word love scared him shitless.

"Don't sweat it Kakashi, it's my problem not yours," Iruka said leaning against the headboard and turning his head to look at him. It was weird discussing feelings like those in such a calm manner. "I knew the risk when I accepted to spend the week with you and I took it. It turned out this way; it could have turned out in a completely different manner."

"Were you--before--" he didn't know how to phrase the question, luckily Iruka didn't seem to need coherent sentences to know what Kakashi meant.

"No, it happened this week," Iruka sounded wistful and a bit sad. "I almost gave you a pass not because I didn't like you, but because you are the kind of hopeless idiot I like, and the chances of falling for you and ending up hurt were high."

Kakashi didn't know what to say to that, he remembered Genma's words: You're his type, and I know you. It seemed Genma was right, Iruka wasn't going to thank him for that one.

"I said don't worry about it Kakashi," Iruka continued, moving to stand from the bed and opening the blinds. Kakashi blinked at the sunlight illuminating he room now, the light painting Iruka's naked body gold. He realized, disappointed, it was going to be the last time he saw it like that. For some reason, that hurt.

Kakashi stood as well, taking a step towards Iruka and then stopping, looking down at his hands.

"I still want us to be friends," Iruka said after an eternity and Kakashi looked up at that. "But I'm not stupid or masochistic. I won't sleep with someone I'm in love with if that person just wants sex, and trust me, I'm going to miss these nights, but I'm not subjecting myself to that kind of hurt."

He nodded. He could understand that. "I'm sorry," he said, though he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for.

Iruka laughed at that, and it was a bit bitter. "What for, not falling in love with me? Spare me Kakashi, I wasn't counting on it." Iruka closed the distance between them and put his hand on Kakashi's covered cheek. "And anyway, I already knew you wouldn't. It would have been nice, though."

Kakashi was reduced to nod again, words completely failing him.

"Now, if you don't mind," Iruka said not moving away, still staring into Kakashi's eye. "I need to take a shower and get ready to work. And so do you. I'm going to need some time to get my feelings sorted, but then we'll have dinner again. That works for you?"

Another nod, making Kakashi wonder when the last time he had been struck speechless by another person was.

"Perfect," Iruka smiled at him, a hint of sadness in it but blinding nonetheless. "See yourself out while I take my shower, Kakashi, that'll give me time to compose myself. Can I have one last kiss, one for the road?"

Iruka tilted his head up and closed his eyes, and there was nothing in the world that could have stopped Kakashi from leaning down and capturing his lips in a kiss. He savoured it, knowing it was going to be the last, and committed every little taste and texture to memory. Every nuance and sound Iruka made, drinking them in with the hunger of a starving man.

"Thank you Kakashi," Iruka said breaking the kiss and moving to the bathroom. "Goodbye."

Kakashi stood in the middle of the room, listening to the sounds made by the shower and the day stirring out of the window. He had to leave. He didn't want, but he had to.

I'm in love with you.

Iruka was right, it was better if he left and they didn't see each other in a while. He should have known it was too perfect to be true, there was a catch somewhere.

But Iruka had not pressed his feelings into Kakashi, had not tried to make him stay or guilt tripped him into returning them. No, Iruka had just asked for time to get his own feelings under control so they could still be friends after that.

Maybe if it was him--

Kakashi shook himself out of his stupor and put on his clothes, folding the handkerchief and leaving it on top of the bed.

"Goodbye Iruka," he whispered in the empty room.

He closed the door to Iruka's apartment and left without looking back.

The sound of the door closing followed him all the way to his home.

It had sounded like a lost chance.

…

Epilogue - Not Just This

Iruka entered his home and dumped the stack of scrolls he was carrying unceremoniously on the table, going straight to the kitchen to fix himself a strong cup of coffee.

It has been a bad day. If he was honest with himself, all his days had been bad lately. Since the last time he had been with Kakashi, actually.

He sighed, taking a long drink from his mug. He might have overestimated his ability at getting over Kakashi. If things carried on the way they were, it wasn't just a couple of rough weeks what he was facing, more like a couple of months. If he managed to get over the prick.

Who would have imagined that just one week with someone was going to have such disastrous effect on his self control? Well, Iruka had to admit that Kakashi wasn't just someone, and that he had known this was going to happen.

He had not taken into account the severity of the situation, but it wasn't an unexpected one. He just needed to clear his head, get his arse into gear and make himself believe he was happy with just Kakashi's friendship. It would take a bit, but Iruka was sure he'd end up believing it.

At least Kakashi had kept his word and was giving him the space he needed.

Or had been, Iruka realized with a frown feeling the other's presence on the other side of his door.

He waited for the knock for a few seconds, feeling irritated at Kakashi's lack of consideration and hopeful at what his presence there might mean.

Irritation finally won when the knock failed to sound and Kakashi just didn't leave.

With a put upon sigh, Iruka got up and opened the door.

…

Kakashi stared at the door of Iruka's apartment, hand poised to knock before his mind had even made the conscious decision to do so.

This was so many kinds of wrong he didn't have enough words to describe it. Why was he there? And what in seven hells was he doing? He had made the decision, five days ago when he had left, of forgetting about Iruka and the delicious week he had spent with him.

They both needed time and distance to cool their heads if they wanted that potential friendship to survive.

What had he done instead? Think about Iruka every single moment he was awake, and dream of him when he wasn't.

Honestly, one didn't need to be a genius to figure that one out.

The door opened before he could knock, an annoyed Iruka staring at him from the other side.

"Do you want to come in, Kakashi? Or are you going to just stare at my door?" He said moving aside to let him in.

Kakashi entered the apartment, immediately feeling uncomfortable and wishing he was anywhere else. Iruka's bedroom, for example, with as little clothes on as possible. Why couldn't things be as simple out of bed as they were in it? Everything had been perfect before their feelings got in the way.

Actually, if he was completely sincere with himself, it were his feelings what got in the way. Iruka seemed to be able to control his own perfectly well.

"Is there any reason for you to be here, or did you come just to annoy me? I thought you were going to give me some time," Iruka asked, crossing his arms over is chest in a clearly defensive posture.

"I--" he began, stopping when he realized he didn't know what else to say. I've been thinking of you. I want us to give this--whatever the hell it is--a try. I want to fuck you against this door. No, definitely not that last one.

"Kakashi." A warning if he had ever heard one. He was overstaying his welcome, and his silence was not helping matters.

"I don't love you Iruka," he blurted out, and then cursed himself for a fool when he saw Iruka's eyes narrowing menacingly.

"Yes, I know," Iruka spat venomously, his anger barely managing to conceal his hurt. Kakashi could have kicked himself. "You made that sufficiently clear last time you were here." Iruka moved to the door and opened it, looking pointedly at Kakashi. "Now, if you excuse me, Hatake-san, I'd like some privacy to lick my wounds."

Kakashi moved fast, slamming the door shut and trapping Iruka against it.

"No, you don't get it," he said, using his whole body to hold the struggling Iruka and knowing he had only a few seconds to explain before the other threw him off. And the consequences would be dire if he didn't make himself clear enough, Iruka had quite the temper. "I don't love you today. Tomorrow--I don't know about tomorrow."

Iruka froze then, "Continue."

"I can't get you out of my head, and this is new and scary," he said, admitting to a weakness for the first time since--well, forever. "I know I'm not in love with you, yet. But I'm hanging there by a thread only by sheer stubbornness; it would be so easy to let myself fall. I've spent all my life avoiding this kind of emotions and attachments, if I give myself time things will be normal again." He took a deep breath, this was what he had come here to do and he was going to do it. "But I don't want that, not anymore. I want to try it with you. I want to fall."

The look Iruka was giving him was sceptical and not a little suspicious but there was also hope in there.

"You want to try it?" Iruka asked slowly, as if the words tasted funny in is mouth.

"Yes." He was sure of that.

"You want to try a real relationship, not just sex friends?" He could hear the reticence in Iruka's voice and remembered their last conversation.

Ouch. That must have hurt.

"Yes."

"But you don't love me," Iruka said, his look assessing.

"Not today, no," Kakashi replied not wanting to lie. He would not begin a relationship with a lie.

"Good," Iruka said smiling for the first time. "I'll ask you again tomorrow, and you better not lie to me either. I can wait for a while."

Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief, not realizing until that moment how much he had wanted the response to be that. He had the feeling Iruka wasn't going to be waiting long.

It would be a miracle if he managed to hold out for another week.

"And now what?" he asked after a few seconds when Iruka showed no signs of moving from where he was, trapped between Kakashi's body and the door and radiating heat in waves.

"Now, you take that fucking mask off and kiss me. And then we'll see who gets screwed against this door," Iruka said, leaning forward and breathing the words against his neck.

With a smile, Kakashi did exactly that.

…

Fin

Flashforward and Supernatural

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 16:32:03 GMT

Flashforward is currently way ahead in the "too awesome for words" list in my estimation. Really, how did I miss this show? Joseph Fiennes is incredible (and I could get lost in those eyes of his most of the time. And the plot is just fantastic, the way the keep giving you just little bits of information (just enough to keep you going). I think I have a definite favorite for this year.

On a different scale, Sam speaking Spanish in Supernatural's last episode. Oh man, I could eat him up, he was great! I kind of miss Cas in this episode but I liked it. It felt like the old ones before the Apocalypse, and I missed them.

And now, I'm going to see the latest Criminal Minds, just to be up to date with everything.

Bleach fic: Distorted Reflection - Part II

Sat, 10 Oct 2009 11:19:54 GMT

Title: Distorted Reflection - Part II
Author: aviss
Pairing: Grimmjow/Ichigo
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst, Psychological
Warning: mind-fuckery abounds, character deaths (not Grimmjow or Ichigo, but quite a few)
Word Count: ~2.900 this part
Summary: Ichigo has the feeling his life is not what it was supposed to be.

Part I

Distorted Reflection - Part II

Hypnotherapy Session 2 - Patient Kurosaki Ichigo
Doctor: Yamagawa Akira
September 27, 2010 13:45

Dr. Yamagawa: We're going to try to break the wall down Kurosaki-san, are you ready?
Kurosaki: I guess.
D: Let's go to the beginning of the wall. You fall asleep, what is there now?
K: Nothing, just blackness.
D: Can you see the wall? Picture it in your mind; see the individual bricks that form it. Try to tear them down.
K: I can't.
D: Yes you can. You're strong.
K: No, I can't see the bricks. There is just the darkness of the wall. If I put my hands to it, it shifts around them.
D: Push, try to break through.
K: I'm trying. But it keeps shifting as if avoiding my touch.
D: Keep trying.
K: It's not fucking working!
D: Let's stop. Tell me about the day of the accident.
K: There is nothing there, just the blackness.
D: But you dreamt about it. Tell me about your dream.
K: You said the dream wasn't real.
D: I know. But I want to hear about it anyway.
K: Fine. We're getting ready for the party, the clinic is closed and most of my friends have gathered here. There's still some people missing, and my sisters and father are beginning to get on my nerves. I feel uncomfortable, as if there is something I'd rather be doing that celebrating, but we've earned it. They've earned it after the Winter War. I guess it's just me, and I don't want to spoil it for them.
D: Tell me who's there?
K: My father and sisters. Inoue. Ishida. Chad. Tatsuki. Keigo. The usual gang. We're still waiting for Rukia and Renji, but they're coming and they said they'd bring Urahara and the rest of the shinigami with them. Shinji and his group stopped by a few minutes ago, but they didn't stay.
D: You keep fidgeting; you're feeling restless, why?
K: I'm waiting for someone else. He's not invited but I'm sure he'll come. If he does, all hell is going to break loose and I don't want that.
D: Why do you think that person's presence is a bad thing?
K: As far as everyone is concerned, he's not alive.
D: Is he a ghost?
K: No, not exactly.
D: What is he?
K: An enemy. A fucking pest. A friend?
D: But you still want to see him.
K: Yes.
D: Right. Tell me more.
K: I say I'm going to get more sake and beer. Renji is bringing Madarame and Matsumoto with him, they'll probably drink us out of house and home, the bottomless pits.
D: Is this true?
K: Yes. No. It's true, but it's not the reason I want to leave. I've felt him close and I can tell Inoue has as well. I have to stop him reaching the house before the shinigami get here.
D: So you leave.
K: Yes, I go after him.
D: What happens when you find him?
K: The usual.
D: Please elaborate. There is no need for you to be ashamed, remember it's not real, just a dream.
K: Fine. He--he--we fight. That's nothing new, we're always fighting, but at least this time we're not trying to kill each other. I'm shouting at him, telling him to fuck off and don't come close to the house. He grabs me and holds me against a wall, pinning me there with his body. He--
D: Continue Kurosaki-san, please.
K: He kisses me, alright? I know I should have stopped this before, it's not right. But I didn't, I don't want to. He's kissing me and I kiss him back.
D: You're kissing a man, is that what embarrasses you about this situation?
K: No! I'm kissing a fucking Espada! I should have killed him, but I didn't.
D: Why do you think you had to kill this man?
K: Did you not hear me? He's an Espada, an enemy. We've tried to kill each other countless times; we fought in opposite sides of the War. Instead we're screwing each other against the first available surface whenever we get the chance.
D: Is that what you're doing now instead of attending your party?
K: Yes. I know I have to get him away from here before we're discovered, but I can't think clearly when we're like this. I never could, I guess that's always been the problem.
D: Are you discovered, then?
K: No. There's this loud explosion and we break apart. We rush to the source of the noise and I lose it.
D: Tell me what you see.
K: My house is gone. There is nothing there, as if someone has shot a powerful cero before they had the chance to notice. I can see bodies among the rubble, though I can't recognize any of them from this distance. I know who they are; I don't need to see it closer.
D: What else is there?
K: An Arrancar. A fucking Arrancar. They are all supposed to be dead, but somehow we missed this one, those fuckers at Soul Society didn't clean up Hueco Mundo properly. Grimmjow is there, next to me, staring at the Arrancar and getting ready to shot him into oblivion. I don't let him.
D: What's happening now?
K: I'm screaming at Grimmjow to get the fuck away from my sight. This has finally woken me up, what the fuck I was doing with an Espada? He's the same as that thing that just destroyed my house. Grimmjow doesn't move and I attack him.
D: But he wasn't the one who did it.
K: I know. But he's the reason I wasn't there to stop it. I should have been with my family and friends, instead I was rutting against this bastard in a godforsaken alley. The other Arrancar shots another cero, straight at us and Grimmjow deflects it and shots one in response. The Arrancar vanishes, dissolving into ashes unable to withstand Grimmjow's cero. I can feel Renji and Rukia's presence with half of Soul Society on tow and I know Grimmjow is a goner the moment they arrive. He knows as well. I'm not thinking clearly and I want to blame someone so I attack him, trying to stop him leaving. Normally, I can beat him, but I can't reach my badge and change; and the other one, the one in my head, is screaming at me.
D: Who's the one in your head?
K: I don't want to talk about him.
D: You need to.
K: No. You said this is a dream, not real.
D: We'll come back to this later, then. Tell me the rest of your dream.
K: There is nothing more. I'm fighting Grimmjow and the shinigami are approaching. Grimmjow shots a cero and I can't dodge on time, I'm not as agile when I'm not in my spiritual form. This is where I woke up.
D: Tell me what you remember, really remember, of the accident.
K: Nothing, same as before. Nothing.
D: We still need to talk about that voice in your head; do you hear it only when you're dreaming?
K: I don't want to talk about it, I said.
D: Calm down, Kurosaki-san. I'll stop here, you can wake up now.

…

Grimmjow smiled, the taste of Kurosaki's lips and blood still fresh in his mouth.

Kurosaki was not as beaten as he feared; his toy wasn't broken beyond repair.

He had not intended to approach him yet, but Grimmjow wasn't a patient being. A year, a fucking year since the last time he had fucked Kurosaki was more than what Grimmjow was willing to wait. He wasn't used to deny himself his pleasures and didn't put much stock in delayed satisfaction. He wanted his toy back.

Grimmjow wasn't willing to admit, not even to himself, that his search for Kurosaki meant more than that. Granted, he had had toys before and had never given a fuck whether they broke or not. He usually got tired of them long before that.

Kurosaki Ichigo was different, special. He didn't need to submit to Grimmjow, he wanted to. Had wanted to since before the War ended. He had seen it coming while they were still in Hueco Mundo, and had no qualms taking advantage of it: Kurosaki had nothing to prove to Grimmjow in terms of strength, not after fighting him, and took everything Grimmjow dished him with a hunger that surprised both of them.

He had thought, after the first few times, that he'd grow tired of Kurosaki. He'd been wrong.

Surprisingly enough, every time he had Kurosaki under him he wanted more, the thirst increasing instead of being quenched.

And that last time, when Kurosaki had turned against him and looked at Grimmjow with hatred and distaste had really irked him. It had been the last time he had seen Kurosaki as he remembered him, all fire and passion and life.

He had been forced to leave then, the approach of the shinigami as timely as it always was.

The next time he had seen him, Kurosaki had changed. He didn't see Grimmjow, didn't heard him, and his eyes were vacant and haunted. He had been close to killing him right then and there, killing that empty shell trying to replace Kurosaki Ichigo. He had managed to control himself in the nick of time, but had lost Kurosaki's trail right after he had been discharged from the hospital.

Now he had found him again, and this time he was going to get his toy back whatever the cost.

…

Patient: Kurosaki Ichigo, continued.

Kurosaki Ichigo was admitted into ER with injuries and lacerations of diverse severity on his body. He was conscious but unable to give a reasonable explanation for them. He insists on them not being self-inflicted. Due to the severity of some of the wounds the doctor who treated him suspects he might have been involved in a fight, which the patient denies. He claims being attacked by an unseen person.

It seems his violent tendencies are returning, in conjunction with his delusions, we advise admitting him into an institution for further treatment.

Treatment: The second hypnotherapy session failed to remove the block on the patient's memories, but two facts stand clear from that session.

First, there seems to be transference of guilt to a subject in his dreams. His dreams seem to indicate possible sexual identity problems. Patient admits to have a relationship with a man in his dreams, though he doesn’t seem perturbed by the gender of his partner. He does treat him like and enemy, though, which might indicate he hasn't accepted his own homosexuality at a subconscious level.

Most disturbing is, though, the mentions of the other one. The mention of this other person, who apparently speaks inside the head of the patient, made Kurosaki close up and refuse to give more information. He responded with fear and anger to repeated attempts to bring up the subject. This other person might be the same one in his dreams and fantasies, but for what I gather from his dream it could be a completely different person. More information in this is needed before a diagnosis can be made, but this fact coupled with Kurosaki's delusions of seeing ghosts even before the amnesia, points at the possibility of Schizophrenia.

…

Ichigo sat in the hideous pastel room again, staring out of the window and counting the minutes for the session to be over.

He'd been going there to have those chats with the shrink twice a day, as it had been requested, and the only thing that had changed since the first time was that Ichigo felt his patience wearing thinner with each session.

They were not helping. They couldn't help.

He was more convinced than ever that he wasn't insane, that his dreams were the real memories. It didn't matter what the doctor said, he knew what he had felt and it had felt real.

"I want you tell me about your dreams again Kurosaki-san," the doctor said breaking the silence, apparently convinced that Ichigo wasn't going to speak without prompting.

Ichigo turned to look at him curiously. "I though those dreams were interfering with my treatment and I wasn't supposed to think or talk about them," he said, his tone flat and controlled.

The doctor nodded. "You're right, and that's the reason I want to hear about them."

Ichigo blinked, not saying anything, and the doctor sighed.

"Kurosaki-san, we both know you're smart. I told you three days ago that if you continued having those dreams I'd start your medication to try to repress them," Ichigo nodded, acknowledging the doctor's words. "You're still having them, only now you won't talk about them. This is not helping either."

"How do you know?" Ichigo asked, defensively. He realized his mistake immediately and cursed inwardly. The doctor smiled.

"One of the orderlies heard you last night. Sometimes you talk in your sleep, and apparently last night you were very loud."

Ichigo felt his face heating up at what the doctor was implying. He remembered the previous night's dream. He had dreamt about Grimmjow.

"I find it curious," the doctor continued as if Ichigo's silence was an admission of guilt. He guessed it was, in a way. "That you talk about the shinigami freely, and also about the arrancar and the war. But there is something you never mention about your dreams."

Shit! He knew what was coming.

"Or should I say someone." The doctor looked at Ichigo straight in the eye, holding his gaze. "Tell me about the Espada."

There was no way to get out of that one, but luckily the doctor had not phrased it properly. Ichigo could talk about the Espada; he had no problem talking about them as long as he kept it vague and general.

"In my dreams," he began, making sure the doctor noticed it. He wasn't going to make the same mistake again, he wasn't about to insist in them being real. "The Espada are the strongest Arrancar, Aizen's generals in the war. They are powerful and bloodthirsty, and very difficult to kill."

The doctor wasn't fooled, though. "I have here the transcript from one of your hypnotherapy sessions. You talk about Espada, but it seems you're referring to only one of them."

"Do I?"

The doctor sighed. "Kurosaki-san, I'm not stupid and I know you're not either. Don't try to confuse me with this. Tell me about this particular Espada."

Ichigo clenched his jaw, annoyed. The doctor wanted to hear about Grimmjow, well, he was going to hear about Grimmjow. If the orderly had reported Ichigo's dream to the doctor there wasn't much to hide anyway.

"In my dream Grimmjow is the Sexta Espada. The sixth strongest fighter and a fucking psychopath. He's always out for blood, my blood."

"That's not all he is, right Kurosaki-san?"

"No, that's not all," he said looking at the doctor and willing his body not to betray any embarrassment about what is coming. "It starts that way, but soon we realize it's more than that. We try to kill each other, and then we save each other's lives. It doesn't make sense to anyone else, but if someone is going to kill the fucker it better be me. I know he feels the same."

"That's very possessive, isn't it?"

"Yes, but we're in the middle of a war, we don't care about what the rest thinks. It works for us."

"You don't stay as enemies for long, do you?" The doctor prompted as soon as Ichigo fell silent.

"We are enemies, we will always be enemies. He's an Espada, I'm a Shinigami. What can we be if not that?"

The doctor held his gaze, one of his hands tapping gently the papers on top of his desk where Ichigo's file was. "Lovers, for what I can see."

"Yes, that too," Ichigo said finally averting his eyes.

"Is that right, then?" the doctor said, sounding surprised for the first time.

Ichigo looked at his again. "Yes. It shouldn't have happened, but I suppose it's unavoidable. We're unable to stay away from each other; we should have seen it coming sooner."

"For what you say, Grimmjow is a man."

"He's not human, he's not even alive. But yes, he's male."

The doctor looked at him, his eyes narrowing slightly. "And you're comfortable with it?"

"Yes."

"Are you homosexual?" The doctor asked bluntly, finally bringing up the point he seemed to have been fixated on. Ichigo was ready for it.

He allowed a small smile to curve his lips. "I don't think I am. This is not real, just a dream, remember?"

The doctor returned his smile, but it didn't reach his eyes. "You're right, Kurosaki-san. We're finished for today. I'll see you in the morning."

Ichigo left, feeling like he had scored a small victory.

It lasted exactly until the moment they brought him dinner. Next to his food was a small plastic container with some pills.

…

TBC (Part III)

Bleach 377

Fri, 09 Oct 2009 14:15:11 GMT

Oh Hiyori!! Danm you KT, you almost had me crying today (at work, and how do I explain that?).

Ok, so Ichigo is back in the fray, is here when we finally get to see Grimmjow again? (someone has to have opened the portal for him to cross, so please tell me it was him!). Again, I can't wait for the next week and see what's goin g to happen (I will be dissapointed, I just know it)

Naruto fic: Lust, Love and Everything in Between - Days 5 and 6

Mon, 05 Oct 2009 21:49:33 GMT

Title: Lust, Love and Everything in Between - Days 5 and 6
Author: aviss
Pairing: Kakashi/Iruka
Rating: NC-17
Genre: romance, drama, humour, smut
Warnings: none
Disclaimer: Everything belongs to Kishimoto, not me.
Summary: An old tradition brings them together, it's up to them to stay that way. If they want to.
Word Count: ~3.700 this part
Author Notes: Sorry it took this long, I tried to finish it before going on holiday but day 5 didn't want to behave.

Prologue
Day 1 - Just this
Day 2 - Unexpected
Day 3 - Sweet Torture
Day 4 - Uncomplicated

Day 5 - Missed Chances

Iruka looked at the clock for the third time and sighed. It was stupid to stay there and wait any longer, Kakashi wasn't going to come.

With a last longing look at the door, Iruka stood up and got ready to close the mission desk. It should, by all accounts, have been closed more than an hour ago, but he still had some lingering hope that Kakashi would appear, late as he always was after a mission, but safe and sound.

A stupid hope, Iruka himself had handed him the mission and knew it would take longer than a day to complete. Kakashi, genius or not, was only human. It was so unfair, they had only one week to be together and being forced to waste one of the days was annoying.

But maybe he could, at least, get some marking done. He was way behind his regular work at the Academy, what with Kakashi taking up all his spare time and blowing his mind every single time they were together.

It was no wonder the only thing Iruka was up to doing when Kakashi left at night was sleep.

Last night had been especially good, and Iruka had not been surprised to see how kinky and perverted Kakashi really was. Honestly, the ride had been hot as hell and then, being tied up and fucked hard and fast gave Iruka fantasy material for weeks to come.

He'd rather have the original instead of fantasies, but he wasn't going to fool himself when it came to Kakashi. Yes, they got along pretty well and had a lot of fun. And yes, Kakashi was probably the best lover he'd had in a long time, but that was where the problem was.

Kakashi wasn't his lover, and Iruka had his doubts he would ever be. Their relationship would never be that of distant acquaintances again, but he was convinced Kakashi was not up to a real relationship. And there was no way Iruka accepted less than that when the week was over.

He had really set himself up for a world of trouble.

But no, still not regretting it. He knew he was looking at a couple rough weeks for his feelings to settle before he could be just friends with Kakashi, but that friendship alone promised to be worth the heartache. Not to mention the sex he was getting now.

He opened the door to his house and disabled the traps just in case, dropping the scrolls on top of the table and going to the kitchen to fix himself some dinner.

If he was honest with himself, he admitted while his hands moved automatically to slice the vegetables and prepare the food, he was tempted to accept whatever Kakashi offered him. And he was sure Kakashi was going to offer him something once the week was up. If they kept the kind of relationship they had right now Kakashi might also fall for him.

Like he had already fallen.

And that was the reason he couldn't settle for anything less than a lover.

He had tried once having a sex-friends relationship with a girl he was in love with, and it had ended up really badly. Iruka had though it was just a question of time his feelings were returned, he had found out too late it wasn't always like that. She had eventually fallen in love, unfortunately not with him.

Now he knew better and he wasn't going to be hurt in that way again.

No, tempting as it was, if Kakashi didn't want a lover by the end of the week then Iruka would just be his friend. A normal friend.

He took his plate to the living room and sat down to eat with a sigh. It annoyed him to admit it, but he already missed Kakashi and they had only spent four nights together.

He didn't know what he was going to do when the week was over.

…

"Explain to me, Genma," Kakashi said looking down at his companion from his position on the tree, "Why am I stuck here, in the middle of nowhere with you, when I could be back in Konoha having really hot sex?"

Genma raised his eyes slowly, a lazy smile spreading on his lips. "Maybe, Kakashi, because your nin-dog lost the trail of the guys we were tracking down, and now we have to lay low until daylight and try to pick a visible track before they leave Fire Country."

Kakashi huffed and closed his eyes. At least he could try and have a couple hours sleep until sunrise. He was certainly glad it was summer and the days were so short, or they would have been forced to admit the mission had been a failure. This way they had a chance, thanks to their speed and tracking abilities, to find their target before they were out of reach.

But he'd much rather be back in Konoha with Iruka under him. Or on top, he wasn't picky.

"You're seeing someone, then," Genma said breaking the silence. Kakashi knew he should have kept his mouth shut, especially when it came to Genma and his uncanny ability to always know everything.

"Nothing serious, just this week," he said hoping it was enough for Genma to let the subject drop. He wasn't so lucky.

"Just this week, eh? You participated this time, I'm guessing."

There was no fooling Genma, and anyway, Kakashi wasn't even going to try. Gossip he might be, but Genma was still a shinobi. He knew when to push, and when pushing would mean a kunai to the throat.

Kakashi gave him just a nod, closing his eyes again.

"Oh, you must have been lucky with the draw, you seem eager to go back," Genma said cheerfully. Kakashi opened his eye to find Genma studying him intently, his eyes way more serious than his voice let on.

"I was."

"And you've been lounging around the mission room lately."

Kakashi shrugged. "Have I?"

Genma laughed. "Spill Kakashi, I know Iruka participated this time. It took me fucking forever to convince him to."

Kakashi startled at that. Genma had what? He glared hotly at his companion before he caught himself, schooling his expression into one of indifference.

"I knew it! You're one lucky bastard Kakashi," Genma said with far too much gusto for Kakashi's liking.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, Iruka--that's one partner I'd never give a pass to. I bet he's giving you the week of your life!" Genma's grin turned positively wicked.

Kakashi stared at him, an uncomfortable feeling swelling inside his chest. He shook his head, dismissing it and focused his attention on Genma. "How do you know this?" It came out harsher than he intended, and Kakashi frowned. What was wrong with him?

Genma shrugged, still smiling. "Iruka's been my friend since forever; we've even been together a couple of times before I hooked up with Anko. I've always wondered how the hell he stayed single all this time. It's not for lack of willing partners, I tell you that."

Kakashi nodded. "Yeah, I can imagine."

The strange feeling wasn't leaving. Genma and Iruka? It wasn't that difficult to imagine. He had been with Genma as well a couple of times, and he knew the other was attractive and funny, a good friend to talk to and a good partner in bed. Surprisingly enough, Genma was also able to keep his mouth shut when it really mattered.

If Iruka was his friend, there was no reason for them not to have been together in that way before.

It made no sense that it bothered him. But it did.

He closed his eyes again, hoping it would discourage Genma from talking further. No such luck.

"He's been stressed lately, what with the Academy and his double shift at the mission desk," Genma kept talking, clearly ignoring Kakashi's sign that he wanted the conversation to be over. "I had to talk him into participating for almost two weeks, and I can't believe the poor guy got you. He's not going to thank me for that."

That got Kakashi's attention. "What do you mean with that?" he asked, opening his eye again and fixing Genma with a stern look.

Genma laughed. He knew he was winding Kakashi up and he was loving every minute of it.

"You're his type," Genma said with a smirk, "and I know you."

Kakashi narrowed his eye, daring him to elaborate further.

"You like to see yourself as the cold and aloof type, Kakashi," Genma said, his tone changing to one a bit more serious, though there was still amusement lurking in his voice. "And you'll balk if there is any chance of getting attached. Iruka is the complete opposite, which is the reason he didn't participate in things like the Lottery. He wants a real relationship."

"You're wrong," Kakashi finally said, "we're getting along fine the way things are now. He's not trying to get me into a real relationship."

Genma stared at him for a second and then shrugged. "Well, that might be true. Iruka is not the kind to push. That doesn't mean he doesn't want one."

Maybe he doesn't want one with you, hung unsaid in the air, but Kakashi heard it loud and clear.

He clenched his teeth, annoyed at himself for finding the idea so irritating. He didn't want a relationship, at least no more of a relationship than what they already had: friendly and uncomplicated. As long as they got to the friends part, they could be sex-friends.

He shouldn't be bothered if Iruka didn't want more, should he?

And why were they having that conversation in the first place? Kakashi regretted even opening his mouth in the first place, he should have known better than giving Genma any kind of opening. "Let's get some rest now," Kakashi said after a few seconds, making it clear now that the conversation was done with.

"Fine," Genma said closing his eyes as well.

Kakashi relaxed in the blessed silence, closing his eyes to catch some much needed sleep before continuing the mission.

When the sun rose, he had not slept a wink.

…

Day 6 - Welcoming Arms

Iruka closed the mission desk on time, knowing full well there was no reason to wait tonight. Kakashi was back, but he wouldn't be seeing him.

Rumours had a way to get around in a place like Konoha, and the moment Shikamaru had rushed into the mission room to look for the Hokage and dragged her away; Iruka had known something was wrong.

The stab of panic he had felt told him just how screwed he was, and how deep his feelings were.

It had been a short relief hearing it wasn't Kakashi, but Genma, the one in urgent need of medical attention. But knowing the other like he did, he knew Kakashi would spend the night in the hospital waiting for news on his comrade.

Iruka would have done the same. And he intended to go see Genma in the morning.

He opened the door to his house feeling a bit down and cursing his bad luck. It was selfish of him to be concerned about another lost night when a friend was severely injured, but the fact was that his first thought had been that.

He wasn't expecting another presence inside his house, and he wasn't prepared when a hard and unyielding body slammed him against the door and held him there.

It took him less than a second to recognize the presence as Kakashi, and he forced his body to relax and release the weapon already in his hand. One look at the other's face told him how bad things were.

Iruka was no innocent, he had dealt with these kinds of situations before. He was trained for them, every shinobi was.

In a place like Konoha sexual assault was treated with the certainty of something that would happen, sooner or later. It was a crude but effective form of interrogation, and shinobi were warring by nature so there were always enemies ready to obtain information by any means necessary. It was one of the harsher realities of life, and the Sandaime had insisted that everyone needed to be prepared to defend against it, men and women alike.

The Godaime followed his teacher's believe to the letter in that regard, even in peaceful times it never hurt to be prepared.

There was also the unspoken reality of couples needing to relieve stress after gruelling, and usually traumatic, missions. They taught every chuunin how to defend themselves against a partner not in their right mind without causing severe harm, if they so whished.

Iruka was of two minds in those cases. If it was his partner who needed to vent, and having had relationships with a couple jounins he'd had his share of those, he usually relaxed and enjoyed the ride. He didn't mind a bit of rough sex, provided certain boundaries were not crossed. And he always made sure they weren't.

If it was an ex or someone else thinking they could use him that way, then he sealed their movements and waited for reason to return.

He made his decision in a split second, the look on Kakashi's eye enough to assure him things wouldn't get out of control. Kakashi wasn't that far gone, though he was not exactly rational at the moment.

The fact that he had gone to Iruka was telling enough as it was.

He relaxed his body and closed his eyes, letting it happen.

He'd have a word, or several, with Kakashi afterwards.

…

Kakashi didn't know how everything had gone straight to hell that fast. One minute they were tracking down a couple missing-nins, and the next Genma and he were in the middle of an ambush.

He had to admit the enemy had outsmarted them, leading them a merry chase to the outskirts of Fire Country, and then springing the trap when Kakashi had been about to give up and return to Konoha.

The fight had been fierce and bloody, and he was lucky to have come out relatively unscathed. Genma had not been so lucky. One good hit with one poisoned kunai had been more than enough to ensure Kakashi had to drag his half-dead arse back to Konoha. At least, poisoned or not, Genma had fought to his usual standards to get them out of the trap.

Now it was all in Tsunade's hands, and Kakashi was convinced Genma was going to pull through.

That didn't make it any easier to bear. They had been fooled and the cost had been high.

He went straight to Iruka's house, not wondering why he hadn't even bothered to hand his report or wash the blood off him. He could feel his vision narrowed, his senses still on high alert, and he needed to calm down.

Iruka would surely help him do it.

Kakashi snaked into the apartment through a window, disabling the traps easily, and sat down on the couch to wait.

He didn't need to wait long.

The moment Iruka had closed the door after him Kakashi was out of the couch and pushing him against it. He noticed how Iruka tensed, ready to strike back, weapons already in hand, and Kakashi prepared himself to fight to get what he needed. The next second the kunai hit the floor with a dull thud and Iruka had his eyes closed.

Without a second though Kakashi ripped his mask down and kissed Iruka, mouth hard and demanding over soft and warm lips. His hands were busy tearing the clothes off Iruka's body, trying to touch and grab every single inch of skin within his reach. He pulled away when the need to breathe became urgent, and turned Iruka's body roughly so he was now facing the door. Iruka didn't say anything, and there was something wrong with that though Kakashi was unable to put his finger on it.

He pressed his body against Iruka's back, rubbing himself and biting the exposed neck and shoulder. Iruka pressed against him, soft whimpers escaping his throat while Kakashi bit and pushed, needing something else, wanting more. He took off one of his gloves and reluctantly pulled his mouth away from the already purpling skin of Iruka's shoulder, licking his palm and coating his aching cock with spit.

He needed to be closer to Iruka, he needed in Iruka.

Kakashi positioned himself and pressed in, Iruka's body tensing and trying to reject him. He didn't want that. He couldn't have that. He put his hands on Iruka's hips, holding him against the door, and pushed inside in one brutal thrust. Iruka cursed and trashed, and Kakashi could feel him taking a deep breath and forcing his frozen muscles to relax.

Part of his brain was shouting at him, asking what the fuck he thought he was doing, but Kakashi was way past caring. He needed, and needed--and he was going to have it.

He took it. Moving one of his hands from Iruka's hip to his hair, Kakashi forced his head back and took his lips in a deep kiss, matching the pace of his thrusts. It took less than he believed to reach his climax, the haze of need and desire lifting when the last shudder coursed his body. He was still kissing Iruka, but it was gentler now, and he opened his eye to look at him.

He cursed inwardly at what he saw. There were tiny drops of moisture clinging to Iruka's lashes, his eyes still closed and his face pinched in a pained expression. Slowly, Kakashi withdrew and looked down, almost expecting to see blood on his now soft cock. He was relieved to see none.

"Can I open my eyes now?" Iruka said, and Kakashi had a second to marvel that even in that situation Iruka had the presence of mind to respect him.

He pulled his mask back on and took another step back, giving Iruka the space needed to turn around.

"Yes."

Iruka opened his eyes and glared at him, crossing his arms over his bare chest. Kakashi took stock of the situation, the ripped clothes and the marks on Iruka's body.

Fuck. When was the last time he had lost control like that? And with someone who wasn't his friend, not quite, just a partner for the week.

"Feeling better now?" Iruka asked snidely and Kakashi blushed.

"I'm sorry, Iruka--" he began, wondering what did one say to the person he had just assaulted.

"Answer me. Are you feeling better now?" Iruka insisted, a gleam in his eyes that told he was completely serious and he demanded a sincere answer.

Kakashi took a deep breath. "Yes."

"Good. How's Genma?"

That surprised him.

He realized then, Iruka was a chuunin and must have gone thought the training. Kakashi had been too young at the time for anyone to consider him in need of it, and when he was of age to be a target for those practices, he was too skilled and strong for anyone to bother. Again, he was shocked realizing Iruka had let him do it.

"He'll recover, though he's not going to be a happy bunny for some time. The poison was a nasty one."

The tension seemed to leave Iruka's body at that and Kakashi blinked surprised. Was Genma the one Iruka was worried about, not what had just happened?

"Iruka--" he began, wanting to apologize again but Iruka's expression killed the words before they were fully formed.

"You know this is not something you do with a temporary partner, do you?" Iruka asked uncrossing his arms and looking down at his body. "It's going to be hell hiding these marks, and I'm going to be sore for a week."

Kakashi didn't know what to say. He had expected--he didn't know what he had expected, but it certainly wasn't that. Iruka was calm and accepting, as if being treated like that was nothing new to him. It was disturbing, to say the very least.

"Iruka," he tried again.

"Look, Kakashi, I know what you're thinking," Iruka interrupted him again. "I could have stopped you if I wanted to, I didn't. It hurt like hell and you're going to pay for it in a while when I fuck you through the mattress, but it was consensual. I've had jounin lovers before, I know how to deal with deranged killers wanting to screw me. I'm not a weak civilian who just has to take it."

Kakashi blinked again, not entirely believing what he was hearing.

"You mean--"

"I mean, in case you're wondering, I didn't mind. I like it rough from time to time, so you didn't hurt me. Much. What I also mean is that you're going to be taking it from me for the next two days until the week is up because you didn't even bother with lubricant, and it fucking hurts."

He opened his mouth to speak, saw that no words were coming out, and closed it again, lips curling in a smile while the last of the tension left his body.

Iruka was definitely one of a kind.

"Now," Iruka said fixing him with a stare that was nothing short of predatory, "get your stupid deranged jounin arse in the shower and clean yourself, I refuse to have Genma's and God knows who else's blood all over my sheets. I'll take a shower after you, so you better take that time to prepare yourself for me. It's the only preparation you're going to get, which is more than I had. Am I making myself clear?"

Kakashi nodded, resisting the urge to laugh at the unreality of the situation, and stood up to follow his orders.

Genma, his failure of a mission and everything else fled his mind the moment Iruka's words finally registered in his mind.

The night had suddenly taken a turn for the better.

…

Day 7

Bleach Fic: Distorted Reflection

Sun, 04 Oct 2009 22:20:25 GMT

Title: Distorted Reflection
Author: aviss
Pairing: Grimmjow/Ichigo
Rating: PG-13 so far, will go up.
Genre: Angst, Psychological
Warning: mind-fuckery abounds, character deaths (not Grimmjow or Ichigo, but quite a few)
Word Count: ~3.300 this part
Summary: Ichigo has the feeling his life is not what it was supposed to be.

Distorted Reflection

"I finally found you, Kurosaki Ichigo."

The building was stocky and solid, a wire fence surrounding the entire complex and a guarded door the only access to it. Al least for humans.

The entire place looked and smelled wrong, the stink of disinfectant and desperation hanging around the building like a putrid cloud. Grimmjow scrunched his nose in distaste, loath to associate any of them with his target.

It had taken him forever to find a trail, and the place it led him to had been surprising to say the least.

He stood unseen in front of the windows, his eyes scanning the place trying to distinguish the figures inside. He could go in and out undetected, the chances of someone with enough reiatsu to see him highly unlikely. But he didn't want to. Not yet.

He needed to make sure he was there and what the fuck had happened to him. He could not feel him, but he was convinced Kurosaki was inside that place, hiding from him.

Hiding from everyone; most of it, himself.

He had waited for almost a year; he could wait a couple of days more.

…

"I dreamt of them last night again."

Ichigo sat on the uncomfortable couch, his eyes staring unsightly out of the window while his hands clenched and unclenched rhythmically. He wanted to be anywhere but there, in that soothing pastel room with the softly speaking man looking at him. He hated that room and he hated that man.

But he had nowhere else to go.

"Kurosaki-san," the man said, his voice as low and soft as possible. "We've gone through this already. Those characters, those Shinigami, don't exist. Your dreams are only creations of your mind, ways of trying to cope with the tragedy in your past."

Ichigo sighed. He had heard the same words over and over again and it still wasn't any easier to believe them. He knew the man was right, but still those dreams felt more real to him than his inexistent memories of the accident.

"I can picture them in my mind clearly," he insisted, knowing it wasn't going to do any good but needing to say it anyway. "Byakuya, the stiff one with his damned pink scarf and those noodle things on his hair. Rukia, the tough little bitch always giving me hell. Renji, redheaded and loud mouthed, always good fun. Kenpachi, the bloodthirsty bastard always chasing me." His voice sounded wistful, as if he could make them real just by talking about them. He wanted them to be real.

"Kurosaki-san, I know everything about those shinigami and the War you dream about," the man said, his voice and demeanour the picture of patient understanding. Ichigo felt like screaming. "You lost your entire family in an accident, some of your friends perished as well and you were the only survivor. What you're feeling is called survivor's guilt, and the transference of feeling where you feel guilty for living when they don't, to an imaginary scenario where you were directly responsible for their deaths, is normal."

Ichigo shook his head sadly. He knew that, he had read about it and listened to the same rant from the shrink countless times. It still didn't make it any easier to bear.

"But the war feels real, the dreams feel like memories," he insisted, his eyes narrowing, his patience close to snapping point. It was taking more and more of him to sit still in these sessions, not to stand up and punch the damn bastard's face. He knew it was unfair; the doctor was only trying to help him. It didn't make it any easier, though. "There is nothing in my mind to replace them. Where are the real memories if the dreams are false?"

The doctor stood up and began pacing the room; clear sign Ichigo's stubbornness was getting to him.

"There was no war, and there are no shinigami. Check the papers if you like, Kurosaki-san, you will find everything about the explosion in your father's clinic, but nothing about a war." He sat down again and looked at Ichigo with stern eyes. "This has been going on for far too long, if you insist on this we'll need to resume your medication."

No.

Ichigo shook his head violently. He didn't want medication, not again. Last time it had made the dreams go away, but it had made him incapable of doing much else. He needed to think clearly, needed the reassurance of being in control of his own mind to stop the other voice.

He couldn't allow them to learn about the other one or they were never going to let him go.

"No," he finally said, "that won't be necessary."

He sincerely hoped the doctor was convinced, that he didn't catch the fear of the other one in his voice and expression. That was the one part Ichigo had been able to keep a secret from them since he arrived there, and he wanted to keep it that way. Maybe it was interfering with his treatment, but at that point there was no way he'd talk about him again.

One slip had made more than enough damage.

The doctor nodded almost reluctantly. "Very well, Kurosaki-san. We'll increase your sessions to twice a day and see if there is any improvement. If I don't see progress in a week, we're starting the medication."

Ichigo nodded, almost grateful. He didn't know how talking to the shrink twice a day instead of twice a week was going to make him improve, but he was sick and tired of that place and wanted out. He'd go along with the flow as long as they kept the meds away from him.

"You can go back to your room now," the doctor said, grabbing another folder from the stack over his desk, clearly signalling his interest in Ichigo was over for the moment.

Ichigo didn't waste any time standing up and going to the door.

The way back to his room he made in silence, ignoring the presence of one of the orderlies next to him. In the past six of months he had gone from dangerous to himself and those around him to subdued and quiet, and the staff of the place left him mostly to himself. He appreciated that, and it meant he was one step closer to being released.

He didn't know what he was going to do or where he was going to go if that happened, but he was convinced he wasn't going to find the answers he was looking for inside that place.

He entered his room, white and sterile, and nodded to the orderly before the door closed and he was left alone with his thoughts again.

The doctor said he was suffering from survivor's guilt and posttraumatic stress disorder, all of that related to the accident in his father's clinic. Once upon a time, Ichigo would have been inclined to believe him.

That was before the dreams, when his mind was a complete blank after the day he saved the little ghost-girl.

Not anymore.

…

Patient: Kurosaki Ichigo

Gender: Male

Age: 17

Diagnosis: Posttraumatic Stress Disorder

Background: Kurosaki Ichigo was found unconscious on the street next to his family home. He sustained burns and other injuries which were treated at the local hospital. Upon regaining consciousness, two days after the incident, the patient was disoriented and violent; he was delusional, raging at shinigami and arrancar and talking about a war.

He was administered sedatives and kept in observation. He seemed to have no knowledge of the accident or what had really happened to his family and friends, insisting on his delusions. The next time he woke up the patient had experimented a partial memory loss, the evens of the past two years wiped clean from his memories. (D.N. Possible defence mechanism? The time frame doesn't fit.)

He was released from the hospital when he was deemed healed of his physical injuries and suggested to begin psychological treatment for his amnesia.

…

Standing unseen on thin air, Grimmjow followed the progress of his target from one room to another.

Kurosaki had been staring out of the window, looking straight at him and had showed no signs of alarm. Not even a hint that he was seeing something unusual. He either was better than before at concealing his emotions, or he couldn't see Grimmjow.

Grimmjow was ready to put his money in the later.

It fucking irritated him; whatever the hell they had done to Kurosaki it seemed to have taken not only his memories, but also his reiatsu. It had taken way too long to track him down without that monstrous reiatsu of him acting as a beacon.

He wanted to tear the fucking place down and get Kurosaki out of there, but he needed to wait. He needed more information so he could restore Kurosaki to his previous self.

Grimmjow was not interested in broken toys.

…

Ichigo knew he was dreaming, but somehow the dream felt real to him. It was almost like a memory, one of those elusive fragments of his past hidden behind the wall in his mind.

He was determined to remember it in the morning.

"I don't like this." The voice belonged to Yoruichi, who was standing at the foot of Ichigo's bed in the hospital. Next to her, Urahara Kisuke was staring at him with something akin to pity. It made Ichigo's blood boil.

"I know, I don't like it either. But better I do it than wait for Yamamoto to send someone else."

Ichigo saw himself opening his eyes from his position in the bed, his lips curling in a snarl.

"Fuck off; I've had it with you shinigami and fucking Soul Society." His voice was laden with hatred and a tiredness Ichigo didn't believe he had felt before.

Urahara nodded sadly. "I know, Kurosaki-kun, and I'm sorry for your loss."

"Spare me, Urahara. What are you doing here?"

"Two things," Urahara showed him something that made Ichigo narrow his eyes, "I know how Soul Society works, and they're going to send someone after you. You are too powerful to leave unchecked, and after what's happened Yamamoto-soutaichou can't risk you losing control of your hollow."

Ichigo shrugged. "Let him."

Urahara shook his head. "There is a solution. I can help you forget, for now." The Ichigo in the bed looked like he wanted to protest, but Urahara raised his hand and he kept silent. "You can have a normal life, but I need to seal your reiatsu along with your memories, or they'll find you easily."

"You're going to do it regardless of what I want, aren't you?" he asked suspiciously. There was nothing he could do against Urahara right now, not in his condition.

"I'm afraid so, Kurosaki-kun. If it's me doing it we can revert it when the time is right. Soul Society won't offer you such a chance. I'd like to have your consent, though. "

He tried to stand from the bed, wincing at the pain of his injuries. They should have let Orihime heal him like she always did, and then he remembered, the wave of pain and anger almost overwhelming him again.

"If I say yes, I don't need to see any of you again?" he asked, his voice chocked in hatred. A small voice in his head told him he might regret it. He just felt like that now because everything was so recent, but he was going to miss his friends once his head felt clearer.

He was going to miss his friends either way, he reminded himself. They were dead.

"No, as long as you don't want to see us," Yoruichi said, her pretty face clouded in sadness. "But it's not permanent. We can reverse it if you ever want us to. If you start remem--"

"Do it," he cut her off, looking straight at Urahara.

"Just another thing. You're going to be helpless without your reiatsu; we need to make sure there are no more Espada alive."

He had not said Arrancar, like the one who had appeared out of nowhere and destroyed everything. Urahara had said Espada, loud and clear. But, as far as Soul society was concerned, there were no Espada alive.

And once Ichigo had no reiatsu and no memories, there wouldn't be as far as he was concerned either.

"There aren't."

"Are you sure, Kurosaki-kun?"

"I am. Do it now if you're going to do it."

Urahara nodded, and the next he knew there was darkness enveloping everything.

In his bed in the institution, Ichigo woke up.

…

Hypnotherapy Session 1 - Patient Kurosaki Ichigo
Doctor: Yamagawa Akira
September 16, 2010 13:45

Dr. Yamagawa: We're going to go back in time to the day of the accident. Tell me what you see, Kurosaki-san.
Kurosaki: Nothing.
D: That's not possible; there must be something you see. Your house, your family, your friends--
K: No, there is nothing.
D: Can you hear something?
K: No.
D: What about your other senses? Any smells? Anything you remember eating, touching?
K: No. There is nothing. It feels as if there is a wall and there are things behind that wall. But here I can't see or feel anything.
D: You mean you're blocking the memory.
K: I don't think I'm the one blocking it. I want to get to the other side, but the wall is too tall and wide. I can't cross.
D: If there is a wall in your mind, Kurosaki-san, you put it there.
K: No, it wasn't me.
D: Ok, let's go further back in time. A month before the accident. What can you remember? Tell me if you see or hear something.
K: Nothing, the same wall.
D: Follow the wall, picture yourself walking alongside it. Tell me what you find when you reach the end.
K: It goes on forever.
D: Keep going Kurosaki-san.
K: Here, the wall suddenly stops.
D: What can you see, Kurosaki-san?
K: I'm kicking some thug in the face.
D: Why are you doing that, Kurosaki-san?
K: They were skateboarding and knocked over the flowers. The little girl was sad, I couldn't allow that.
D: Tell me more about this little girl.
K: She's sad and scared, but she doesn't cross to the other side. She has blood dripping from her face and her dress it's torn and dirty where the car hit her.
D: Is she injured? Have you called the hospital?
K: No need, she's dead. She's been dead for a month already and she knows this. But still she can't cross.
D: You mean she's a ghost.
K: Yes, she's a ghost.
D: But you can see her.
K: Yes, I've always been able to see them.
D: Can you still see them now, Kurosaki-san?
K: No, not anymore. I kind of miss it.
D: What do you do when you leave the little girl?
K: I go home and kick my father on the face.
D: Why? Is your father abusing you?
K: No, just annoying me. My sisters are having dinner and my father's being his usual obnoxious self. It annoys me, and another ghost has attached itself to me on the way back home. Everything is irritating me today so I go straight to my room to sleep.
D: What else?
K: Nothing else. I go to sleep and the wall starts there. I can't see anything else.
D: We'll come back to this in the next session, Kurosaki-san. For now, you can wake up.

…

Patient: Kurosaki Ichigo, continuation.

Treatment: After treating his injuries and releasing the patient from the hospital he was assigned a Psychologist to work on his case. Kurosaki attended the first session, in which they tried hypnotherapy to bring his repressed memories to the surface.

The first session was a failure, but it brought an interesting fact to light.
Prior to the accident Kurosaki might have been dealing with certain mental problems. He appears to believe he can see ghosts and has been using it as an excuse for his violent tendencies. We have a report from his school saying he used to get into fights; he wasn't prone to bullying but would respond violently to provocation.

We're checking his background for a possible parental abuse. Kurosaki admitted to "kick" his father on the face as greeting. His file indicated a single parent home, the loss of the mother apparently a traumatic one, which might have prompted his delusions.

Patient needs to be kept under observation in case his violent tendencies reappear.

…

The uncomfortable feeling was back with a vengeance.

For the past couple of days Ichigo had been feeling observed, as if the orderlies and doctors had put him under surveillance. He knew this was probably paranoia, and he really didn't need more illness to be added to the ones already on the list. They had done it before, when they had believed he was suicidal and self-harming.

Ichigo had tried to explain it then, but coming from his mouth it had just seemed like another delusion. He could not explain the injuries which landed him in the hospital after barely two months out of it in a way that sounded real. There was no explaining them at all, but he had felt the blows raining on him from nowhere, and he had known it wasn't a call for attention.

He was not so stupid as to hit himself.

At that time he had also felt observed, and he was afraid something might hurt him again. Not that he was afraid of the pain, but if the doctors believed he was trying to take his life they were never going to release him.

And he needed to get out of there. Needed to get to the place he had dreamed about and find the man with the answers. He was sure that shop keeper from his dreams was the key to unlocking his memories.

He needed to find him.

"Whoever is there," he finally said, feeling foolish for doing so. Maybe he really was delusional, and talking to thin air wasn't helping him feel saner. "Just don't. I need to get away from here, and being covered in bruises and cuts won't help."

He waited for a response, any kind of response, for a few seconds, feeling his grip on reality slipping with each passing breath. He was really insane.

He felt it then, a hand surrounding his throat and squeezing lightly. His heart jumped in his chest and his breath got stuck in his throat. This felt real, not like something he had imagined or invented. Ichigo closed his eyes, relieved.

He wasn't delusional. A weight lifted from his chest.

The hands left his throat and he felt a different kind of touch on his face, lips pressing against his and a tongue slipping into his mouth. He opened his eyes again, but there was nobody with him in the room. He moved his hands to where the head should be, but there was only air. The kiss felt real, he could feel the lips and the tongue and teeth closing around his lower lip, biting sharply. His body was feeling it, getting aroused. Ichigo breathed through his nose, eyes narrowing.

It ended as suddenly as it started, leaving Ichigo staring at the blank wall, a trickle of blood running from his mouth to his chin. He touched it and looked at his fingers, the redness there confirming it had not been an illusion.

Ichigo pulled a name from his dreams, the ones the doctors said were not real, and whispered it in the silent room.

"Grimmjow."

…

Part II

Bleach fic: Down the Rabbit Hole

Tue, 29 Sep 2009 19:14:40 GMT

Title: Down the Rabbit Hole
Author: aviss
Pairing: Grimmjow/Renji, Ichigo
Rating: NC-17
Genre: PWP-ish
Warning: Violence, voyeurism
Disclaimer: Not mine, obviously.
Summary: Eavesdroppers rarely hear any good about themselves. Sometimes they get something better.
Word Count:~3.000
Notes: This pairing refuses to leave my brain. This is not the fic I had planned for them, just a bit of plotless fun. The real one insists in behaving like a multichapter while I try to pound it into a longish one-shot. A plot filled one.

Down the Rabbit Hole

"You're weak Shinigami," Grimmjow said with a cocky smirk, easily dodging the attack and moving behind him, almost too fast to see. "You think you can be his equal at this level? Don't make me laugh. You can't even defeat me."

He glared hotly at the cocky bastard, attacking relentlessly, Grimmjow dancing away from his reach effortlessly. It was all a game to him.

"Fucker," he growled under his breath, gripping the hilt of his zanpakutou tighter and delivering blow after blow. It was infuriating that none of them connected, Grimmjow laughing at him with that arrogance and cockiness which never failed to make him want to kill him.

"You can't even scratch me and still you want to take that monster head on," Grimmjow kept talking, his words as sharp as his sword. "He'd rip you to shreds and leave nothing behind. But maybe that's what you want, isn't it Shinigami? That way you wouldn't need to face your own weakness."

"Shut the fuck up Grimmjow!" he finally snapped, lunging at him.

It always ended like that, since the first time he fought with Grimmjow he had been unable to get a clear victory, or even finish the fight. There was something about the annoying Espada that made him lose his focus, turning their fights into mere physical brawls. And once they were immersed in that the progression into another type of physical fight, one he also ended up losing every single time, was a question of mere minutes.

Lately he had to convince himself he didn't like it.

…

There was something different about Renji and it was bothering Ichigo.

It was difficult to put his finger on it, especially with the way everything else had changed after the Winter War, but Ichigo couldn't help but being concerned about the strange way Renji was acting.

Ichigo couldn't actually explain it, and the time he thought about asking Rukia if she felt something odd the right words wouldn't come to his lips. Renji looked shifty around Ichigo and didn't meet his eyes half the time, he spent as much time as he could in Earth, but then he didn't spend that much with Ichigo. And there was that issue with his injuries. Lately Renji always had scratches or other marks on his body, small wounds which would be easily treated by the Fourth Division were they acquired in a fight or training.

No, Renji was acting strange because he was seeing someone. Someone who clearly was very enthusiastic and rough. Someone who was in Earth.

Ichigo was concerned, or so he kept telling himself. It was better being concerned about the kind of relationship his friend was in than being jealous. So he was very concerned.

He was also very curious, which was the reason he was following Renji at a distance. This wasn't exactly easy to accomplish, Ichigo was aware he had a tenuous control on his reiatsu, and that masking it had never been his forte. Chances were Renji would discover he was being followed, and the scene which would surely come after that wouldn't be pretty.

He didn't let that stop him.

Ichigo followed his friend to a place he knew well, it was the old warehouse where he had trained with the visored, empty now they had moved somewhere else but still keeping part of its wards. Was it possible some of them had stayed in Karakura? No, that was stupid to believe: Shinji and Hiyori had given Yamamoto de one-fingered-salute when they had been offered their old positions in the Gotei13. Them, but not Urahara. Kensei and Love had accepted though, and so had Lisa much to Nanao's dismay. The rest had shrugged and said they'd rather stay in Earth, as far away from Soul Society as they could.

He slipped in after Renji, careful to keep hidden from his friend while he made his way downstairs, to the old training grounds.

"Back for more, Shinigami?"

Ichigo startled at the voice. He knew that voice; he knew that arrogant and annoying way of addressing. It answered the other question that had been plaguing him since the War ended: where the fuck had Grimmjow disappeared to?

The fact that Grimmjow had disappeared the moment Aizen had dissolved into a million tiny spiritual particles had bothered Ichigo more than he had expected. They weren't the best of friends, that was true, but they had fought together in the end, enough for Ichigo to expect at least a goodbye.

Apparently he had not disappeared at all; he just never bothered Ichigo anymore. And the reason seemed to be clear: he had found another idiot to keep him entertained.

It wasn't hard to recognize the feeling writhing in his belly for what it was now.

Renji glared balefully at Grimmjow, his entire posture radiating menace. "Let's get on with this, you fucker," he growled.

"As you wish, Shinigami," Grimmjow said mockingly, appearing in front of Renji and attacking him without a second's pause. Ichigo forced himself not to gasp, he had almost forgotten how fucking hot Grimmjow was when he was fighting. And so was Renji.

He wondered for a second if he had fallen asleep and was having a kind of weird, erotic dream. It wouldn't be so strange, not with so much pent up energy inside his body and no way to relieve it after the War.

He watched the fight enraptured; their movements had a kind of practiced grace that told Ichigo this wasn't a rare occurrence. Grimmjow attacked barehanded, his speed so great one who had not been on the other end of his attacks would have trouble following it. Ichigo didn't, and obviously neither did Renji.

"Be serious, Grimmjow," Renji growled, parrying a blow aimed to his chest with a swift kick.

"I am, Shinigami," Grimmjow said, lifting his hand and firing a cero with easy casualness. Renji moved out of the way quickly, a boulder exploding at his back and creating a cloud of dust that engulfed half the training grounds. Ichigo narrowed his eyes, too intent in the fight to want to miss even one second of it. "Release your Bankai."

"I don't want to," Renji countered appearing behind Grimmjow and managing to score a hit. Grimmjow was sent back with the force of the blow, red stains appearing for the first time on his pristine clothing. "Release your sword."

Grimmjow laughed. "I don't want to."

Renji growled and attacked again, Zabimaru almost a blur in his hand, and Grimmjow still laughed.

"Fuck you Grimmjow!" Renji snarled, his annoyance clear in his voice. Ichigo had not seen him like that in a long time and it was doing strange things to his body. With a jolt he realized he was getting aroused seeing Grimmjow and Renji fight. "Fight me seriously!"

In a flash, Grimmjow was in front of Renji, his hand grabbing the front of his shihakusho and slamming Renji against the nearest rock. "You're not here to fight, Shinigami, admit it. Not anymore," Grimmjow said confidently, his face mere inches from Renji's.

Ichigo blinked in surprise. No. It wasn't possible.

"Fuck you!" Renji growled, struggling to free himself from Grimmjow's grip. But Ichigo could see, even from the distance, that the struggle wasn't serious. If Renji had really wanted to get away he could. He closed his eyes for an instant, he shouldn't have come, he really didn't want to know.

But he was going to watch, he knew that. He was going to watch every single second of it and then go home and replay it in his mind for a long, long time. Wishing he didn't know, whishing it wasn't real, but knowing and seeing it nonetheless.

"You can," Grimmjow said, his voice dropping to a low purr. "If you ever beat me."

And that low voice shouldn't be doing to Ichigo's body what it was doing, making the heat spread from his face down, rushing to his belly and pooling in his crotch.

There was a loud clank in the silence that followed, Zabimaru falling to the ground while Renji's hands moved to grip Grimmjow's head, mashing their mouths together.

Renji is kissing Grimmjow, Ichigo's mind supplied unhelpfully, a ball of lead settling in his chest. Renji is kissing Grimmjow, and Grimmjow--

Grimmjow was enjoying it, that much was clear from the way his hands were gripping Renji's shoulders, one of his legs sneaking between Renji's and forcing his thighs to part, pressing against his crotch. From his point Ichigo was getting a good view of the proceedings, Grimmjow having pressed Renji unknowingly against the best side for Ichigo to watch.

"You will never have Kurosaki like this, Shinigami," Grimmjow said, loud and clear, moving his mouth to nip at Renji's ear. Ichigo whole body shuddered at those words, his eyes widening in surprise. What did Grimmjow mean with that? "You're not even trying anymore."

"Shut the fuck up Grimmjow and fuck me already!" Renji all but snarled, his eyes opened and staring into nothingness unfocused.

Grimmjow wasn't done talking, it seemed. "You know he'd let you fuck him if you want," he continued, ignoring Renji's protests, while his hands moved to undo Renji's sash, opening his clothes and touching the skin being exposed none-too-gently.

"Shut up!"

But Ichigo didn't want him to shut up, he wanted Grimmjow to keep talking even if listening to what he was saying was making the weight in his chest increase. He had been right before, Renji had wanted him. That was before, though. Right now it was clear he had someone else in mind.

"I could see it in you, even when we were in Hueco Mundo," Grimmjow was saying, his mouth moving down Renji's neck, leaving a red trail of bite marks in its wake. "I could fucking smell it on you, your arousal and need. But you're too much of a coward to go for him. Too fucking weak to confront him and take what you want."

Renji's hands were clenching and unclenching in Grimmjow's hair, his breathing ragged and his entire body taut.

"Stop it Grimmjow!" Renji said and it sounded breathless and needy, less like a command and too much like a plea.

"What would he say if he could see you like this, Shinigami?" Grimmjow continued, pushing Renji's body down until both of them were lying on the ground, Grimmjow's body covering Renji's. Ichigo had to lean slightly out of the rock where he was hiding to watch, but he'd be damned if he let that stop him now. I'm damned anyway, he thought gloomily. "You think he would like seeing you spread open for me?" No, he didn't. "You think he'd understand why you're here with me instead of him?" No, he couldn't. "You think--"

Renji seemed to have reached his limit, with a snarl he pushed Grimmjow off him, reverting their positions and climbing on top of his body. "I said shut it, Grimmjow!" Renji leaned forward and kissed Grimmjow roughly, the only thing he appeared to believe would make him keep his mouth shut. Ichigo saw a thin line of blood trickling down Grimmjow's mouth, and when Renji pulled apart he could see his lips were also red. His stomach turned, his arousal pulsing with need. "What about you, Espada?" Renji said and his voice sounded strained and furious. "You could see the way I looked at him? Well, I could see the way he looked at you!"

Ichigo froze, Renji had what? He couldn't believe Renji had noticed anything, even if there was nothing to notice. True, Grimmjow had, since the moment they had met, been a fascinating presence in Ichigo's life. As much as the Espada infuriated and annoyed him, Ichigo could never be ignore him. And he had tried to, only to find his attention dragged back to the bastard.

And yes, as much as he'd like to deny it, he was attracted to Grimmjow. Even he couldn't lie to himself with the way his arousal was throbbing.

But he had never imagined he was obvious enough for Renji to have noticed.

"You want to know why I'm here?" Renji growled, bending down and biting Grimmjow's neck savagely. "I needed to know what the fuck is so good about you! Why is Ichigo unable to take his eyes off you?"

Grimmjow arched up and moaned, his lips curling in a sadistic smile. "You mean when he's not looking at you?"

There was a snarl and suddenly their positions were reversed again, Grimmjow pinning Renji down and grinding their bodies together. Renji arched up and growled, the sound deep and feral and incredibly arousing. Ichigo couldn't stand it anymore, he wanted to go down there and force them apart. He didn't want to be watching them screw each other while they talked about screwing him. What he did instead was sneak a hand inside his hakama and grab his erection, choking back a moan at the feeling.

"He wants you, and you are too blind and insecure to see it," Grimmjow said, the amusement clear in his voice. "You could be out there fucking him but you are here, letting me fuck you."

"Shut up! Stop talking about Ichigo, you fucker," Renji clawed at Grimmjow's remaining clothes, his fingers leaving red marks where they scratched his pale skin.

Incredibly enough Grimmjow did, scooting down Renji's body and swallowing him whole. Renji cursed and arched up, his hands grabbing Grimmjow's hair and pulling harshly. Ichigo winced in sympathy and moved his hand faster, his breath coming out in short gasps. It was over quickly, Renji thrusting up into the willing mouth until he stiffened with a groan that went straight to Ichigo's cock. Grimmjow looked up, straight at where Ichigo was hiding, his mouth curling in a smug smirk before flipping Renji roughly. Ichigo's breath froze in his throat, his entire body seizing in shock. Did Grimmjow know he was there?

"You could have him like this, I could have him like this," Grimmjow said, loud and clear before positioning himself behind Renji and entering him in one brutal shove. Ichigo almost breathed out a sigh of relief, glad that he had not been discovered before the words registered in his brain. Renji clawed at the hard sand, uttering profanities but not trying to get away from Grimmjow, clearly enjoying it though it looked painful as hell. "But he's too much of an idiot to notice."

He knew Grimmjow was right, but it still hurt to hear those words coming from his lips while he fucked Renji with all he had. Ichigo was an idiot, he knew it, but it was unfair to be attracted to both of them, that had been his main reason for not doing anything.

Or so he kept telling himself.

A loud moan forced him to return all his attention to the scene below, Grimmjow and Renji moving together at a hard and fast pace that told Ichigo things were about to reach the end. He was also feeling pretty close to the end, his own hand matching the pace. Ichigo bit his lip until he tasted blood to contain the sounds, Renji pushing against Grimmjow, one of his hands disappearing under his body to bring himself off again.

Ichigo saw how Grimmjow bent over Renji's back, putting his mouth on the juncture between shoulder and neck and biting down. Renji cried out, his movement halting for an instant while Grimmjow kept pounding into him. Then it was over, both of them slumping ungracefully on the ground while Ichigo felt his climax take him, his vision blacking out for a second and his release coating his hand. He scooted backwards, hiding again from sight fearful to be discovered now the haze of desire was gone.

He heard the sounds of rustling cloth, and knew he had to get away from there before he was discovered. Now the fun was over, chances were one of them would notice his presence, but if he tried to move from that spot he was sure as hell they would see him.

Either way he was screwed.

"Goodbye Grimmjow," Renji said and Ichigo felt his reiatsu vanishing, clear indication he had flash stepped out of the place. He closed his eyes and sighed relieved realizing he had avoided the worst possible outcome. He could get away from there if there was only Grimmjow around.

"There is no point hiding when you're oozing reiatsu like crazy, Kurosaki."

Ichigo's eyes snapped open, Grimmjow crouching down in front of him with the most arrogant expression he had ever seen on his face. Ichigo's heart jumped in his chest, his face burning with shame, the evidence of what he'd done still coating his hand.

"You liked the show," Grimmjow said, his eyes fixed on Ichigo's hand.

Ichigo blushed deeper, trying to hide his hand from view and wishing the ground to open up and swallow him whole. A vise-like grip curled around his wrist, tugging forcefully while Grimmjow leaned forward, looking up straight into Ichigo's eyes. Ichigo was unable to tear his gaze away from Grimmjow's even when he felt the wet touch of a tongue licking his hand, his body shuddering at the feeling. He kept his eyes on Grimmjow's, his breath coming in short gasps as his hands was being licked clean, each finger sucked into that wicked mouth and released with a sharp bite on the tip.

"You are welcome to join us next time," Grimmjow said letting go of his hand and disappearing from the training grounds.

Alone, Ichigo slumped against the rock, trying to get his heart to stop pounding and his breath to steady. He was painfully aroused again and more embarrassed than he had been in his entire life.

But there was no way he was going to let this go.

Next time he'd follow Renji again, and he was going to do more than just look.

…

Day 7 (Kyoto on the run)

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 15:45:23 GMT

Today was our last day in Kyoto and we tried to see as many things as possible in one day, ont an easy feat considering we didn't get to leave the hotel until 10:30 and we had to come back before 5 to send out luggage ahead of us to Hiroshima.

We started our day in the Heian Jingu where we saw the shrine and the gardens, headed to the Silver Pavillion, which we didn't see because it was underghoing maintenance works, then running to Shimogamojija and back again to Shijo Kawaramachi where we had lunch (on the run) while going to the Mibu Shrine. We managed to get back to hte hotel with two minutes to spare (and throbbing feet) and after sending the luggage back out to pick up a girl and do some shopping. We went to a second hand kimono store I already knew from the other time I was here and got a kimono each, complete with jyuban (undergarment) and obi for about 3500 yens (around 25 euros, honestly I spend more in cigarettes) and so far barda_moregana is the only one who knows how to tie it.

And tomorrow Himeji and Hiroshima, we've passed the ecuador of our trip.

Gion at night, best picture I've taken with my camera

Me with my new kimono :)

Japan days 5-6 (Kyoto, Kobe, Karaoke and Alcohol)

Thu, 17 Sep 2009 12:18:37 GMT

Third day in Kyoto and I haven't had the time to update because... well, we were a bit too drunk for it lately :)

We arrived two days ago in the Shinkansen (and I can't explain how much I love those trains, honestly) and checked in out hostel. If I thought K's House Tokyo was good that was only because I had not seen the Kyoto one. Best thing ever: clean, cheap, nice and with internet connection in each floor. It's way better than some 3 stars hotels I've been in. We were given out room and then we procedeed to explore the city a bit. As good tourist the first place we headed for was Gion. We didn't manage to see any geisha, but the place is as beautiful as we hoped. We walked around its streets, took some pictures and then headed to the hotel after having dinner. We were going to be good girls and go to bed because the following day was barda_morgana's birthday and we were going to celebrate it eating in Kobe and going out, but when we reached the hotel someone said to graba drink at the bar. With one thing and another it was past midnight when we went down to the bar and it was closed, so we did the next best thing: we bought beer and went to the comunal area.

There we proceeded to drink everything available with a guy we meet there (all the beer we bought and all his stock, plus more he kept buying at the vending machine) until five in the morning. It was a weird night, but not bad at all. Only problem is getting up early when you've gone to bed at 5. Not happening.

But we did wake up, eventually, and as planned we headed to Kobe to celebrate barda_morgana's birthday. This turned out to be more of an adventure than we imagined. We needed to aplit up so half the group could get the present and the other half distraxct her enough for her not to realize this. duare, Ana and Maribel went to buy the present, akasha_132 and I stayed with barda_morgana. We had agreed to meet in the platform before taking the train to Kobe because we already had the tickets, and that's what we did. We were there at the arranged time and we saw the pther group enetring the platforms but didn't follow because we were taking a picture and they didn't see us. When we got to the platform they weren't there. We searched all over the station but there was no sign of them. I was a bit worried and not a little surprised: they went into the station but weren't there and had not come back out... it stood to reason they had just jumped into the wrong train, since ours wasn't due for the next ten minutes. And that was exactly what happened. They boarded another train, luckily bound in the same direction we were headed in. Us, my group, got into pour train and decided to call them when we arrived at Kobe, luckily it wasn't necessary. At the Osaka stoip, the door of our couch opened and there they were, laughing like loons and telling us the story about how they managed to get in the precios train (whichluckily was a kodama, not a nozomi or would have been a very expensive mistake).

We got to Kobe, but before leaving the station we had another little adventure. We were walking next to the train when duare shouted for us to do something. We couldn't hear her, but the look on her face spoke volumes. Something was wrong. We approached her and she asked us to stop the doors of the train while she darted inside. By this time the train was trying to depart, the bliping noise reaching deafening levels while the driver shouted at us to please release te door, (and yes, they were saying please in that situation) We weren't going to, not with duare still inside. She came rushing out saying she couldn't find her passport or Japan Rail Pass, and had gone inside to make sure it wasn't there before we let the train leave. By this time the driver was shouting frantically and we released the doors and moved away, letting the Shinkansen leave (and honestly, we fucking delayed a Shinkansen and they didn't even raise their voice at us, how weird is that?). In thge end, the passport was in her bag and everything was just a scare.

We finally managed to get to the food. We wanted to try the Kobe beef but we soon realized the restaurants were quite expensive and we were not about to spend that much money just on lunch. We looked around for a while until we founb a Shabu Shabu place which had kobe beef. And man, was it delicious. The best thing I've had in a long time. We needed to be told everything by the lovely lady who ran the place, and she grabbed barda_morgana by the hand and showed her everything about that dish. By tthe end of the meal we were all in heaven and wondering if the lovely lady would be willing to adopt us, she was that nice. After that we found a strange little shop on a street which had clothes for absolutely every one of us, strange considering we don''t have the same style (or size) at all.

At night we went to Karaoke. We were just going to sing a couple of songs and then head to the bar. We ended up singing four hours straight and drinking as much beer as they kept giving us, which was quite a lot. Luckily there are no videos of the night, or some of us might die of embarrasment. On the way down to the hostel we had quite the nasty surprise: we were walking down the street when we saw a man jerking off leaning in a hose doorstep. Honestly, there we are walking and chatting among us and this guy is leaning in this hourse's doorstep, pants shoved down and hand on his cock, while his still had a mask still on his face, looking at us while he masturbated. We did the logical thing, we bursted out laughing and tred to take pictures, wchi scared him into pulling up his pants and running away.

We just couldn¡t believe it. Fucking perv.

And this morning, while the girls headed off to Nara I had a day off and stayed in Kyoto trying to locate the comic shops. I didn't have much luck in that department (unless I want Hetalia things, which I don't) but there is still Tokyo for me to buiy stuff.

Japan day 3 Fuji-san (or how to be prepared for moder life, only not)

Mon, 14 Sep 2009 11:54:10 GMT

Today we went to Fuji-san, somnething we all wanted to do. After checking the net we found that the buses for Fuji took quite some time and left early and we decided to take the first one, which left about 7:45 AM. We decided this almost at 2 in the morning, so we were looking at very little sleep at the very best.

This morning my alarm went off at 6:30 and we began to get ready to leave. Only it wasn't 6:30, it was 5:30 because I, being the utter moron I can be, put the wrong time in my alarm and the clock was one hour fast. We took the chance to have a quiet and relaxing breakfast and left for Shinjuku at 7. We still had to find the bus, whic we did with about 2 minutes for the bus to leave. It wouldn't have mattered because there were no seat anyway, and we found out the one that went to Fuji 5th Station only works on weekends... great start of the morning. Back to Shinjuku we managed to get a series of trains and bus to Fuji 5th Station and three hours later we arrived there.

The first thing we noticed was it was fucking cold. And I don't mean a bit chilly, I mean really cold. And me and Ana were wearing short dresses with leggins and not much else.Very prepared the two of us. First stop a shop to buy long sleeved sweaters because I felt like we were turning into icicles. When we were ready and warm we decided to climb up for a while. It was foggy so we didn't get to see much of it, but it was also very beautiful. We were good enough not to kill ourselves in the way up or down, so it's not bad at all.

On the way back we got a Limited express train and were completely speechless at the amazing train it was. You could turn the seats to face the other way, and recline the back of the seat sdo you were almost lying down. There was a recording of a Japanese speaking lady which never shut up, but well, nothing is perfect.

And tomorrow we're off to Kyoto.

The Fuji san Team

Halfway to the 6th Station

Most comfortable train ever

Japan days 1-2

Sun, 13 Sep 2009 15:03:04 GMT

We arrived at Japan yesterday morning, after a whole night of not sleeping and fice hours stopover in London, death tired and with a whole day in front of us to try and beat the jet lag. We did well, we managed to stay awake until 11 though we were about to keel over.

We came to out hotel, a lovely backpackers Hotel in Asakusa called K's House, we went to have lunch and then to the Senso-ji temple in Asakusa. All in all not a very interesting thing for a first day (especially because the temple was closed due to somne maintenance works) but more than enough for out poor tired bodies. We also managed to get a bit tipsy on our first night... suddenly, while we were having a drink in a terrace the sky opened and it started to rain. And I mean, really rain, like pouring down. We had to stay indoors for a while and, of course, we drank.

Today we woke upo bright and early to go to the Ghibli Museum, it's a really beautiful place. Definitely worth seeing. After that we happened on to a festival, with lots of people dancing and very loud people and quite a lot of hairy arses. I heard(or read) somewhere that real men wear fundoshi. Trust me, you don't want real men to wear fundoshi, you want manga characters to wear them because they don't have ugly, hairy arses. Today I've seen more of those than I've ever wanted to.

We've gone to Shibuya later, where I've realized I need I need an entire day only to buy manga where I won't bore my friends to tears. And after that we've gone to Shinjuku to watch the night in the city and the Goverment Building observatory. Also worth seeing.

Now we're back to the hotel and planning tomorrow's visit: Mount Fuji

Bottles of Melon Soda... because even their weird drinks are cool!

At Ghibli with duare and barda_morgana

The food is not only delicious but also pretty, I've so come here for the food (and the manga, of course)

Real men wear fundoshi... but you really wish they didn't

Dancing girl at the festival, she was very cute

Kore???

Thu, 10 Sep 2009 21:30:57 GMT

This is it, the big one... in a few hours we'll be going to Japan!!

The six Spanish crazy girls, me duare, barda_morgana, akasha_132, Maribel and Ana will be traipsing through Japan for the next two weeks. I'll be posting here as much as I posibly can, which will probably be a lot...

I'm so excited!

Bleach Drabble: Hate

Mon, 07 Sep 2009 21:40:53 GMT

Title: Hate
Author: aviss
Pairing: Grimmjow/… (I don't want to give it away)
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Angst
Warning: Character Death
Word Count: ~250
A/N: I've no idea where this thing came from; when I started writing it was a different pairing…

Hate

"I hate you," Grimmjow muttered under his breath pounding into the willing body under his.

"I hate your fucking face, and your ridiculous hair." He bit down on the exposed neck, choking on his own words of hate.

"I fucking hate the way you come at me, swinging your ridiculous sword trying to save me." His hands gripped the hips tighter, his nails digging painfully in the soft flesh.

"I hate when you follow me, and when you stop those pesky shinigami from killing me." He thrust harder, his pace punishing, as if he was trying to break the other.

"I hate your fucking blemished skin, and the way it tastes." He grabbed the hair and pulled the head back, taking those hated lips in a kiss.

"I hate you, I hate you." He came like that, mumbling those words against the swollen lips.

Grimmjow withdrew the next instant, not caring that the other one was still hard, and rearranged his clothes hastily. "I hate that you're not him," he said before disappearing.

Renji turned around and stared at the empty space Grimmjow had been occupying, his hand curling around his still hard cock and bringing himself off with quick and efficient moves.

He put his clothes back on ignoring the pain in his abused body, casting a last longing look at Zangetsu, forgotten and useless now, propped against the wall of a mostly deserted house, and left.

"Yeah, sometimes I also hate myself."

…